I’m a Single Mom Who Makes a Living as a Sex Worker

Laws against prostitution don’t help me take care of my children; they impede me.

On weekdays, I’m the first to wake up. I brew coffee, drink a cup, then go nudge my children awake. Still half-asleep, they drag themselves into the kitchen where I urge them to eat their breakfasts.

When they’re finished, they get dressed, brush their teeth, and brush their hair. Then they arm themselves with their backpacks, and we’re out the door.

I drive them to their elementary school, and once they’re safe inside their classrooms, I sit in the school parking lot in my SUV and breathe.

I enjoy a momentary break before the rest of my day begins — the part of my day that I keep a secret from everyone.

My life as an escort.

None of the parents at my kids’ school know what I do. I definitely keep it hidden from my kids.

The school parking lot is empty. All the other parents have driven away to their jobs, or back home.

I’ll return back home soon, but for now, I check my email, my Twitter, and my Instagram in my car.

Do I have any new leads — in other words, any potential new clients requesting a session?

If not, I’ll pay to bump my ad on one of the few escort websites that still exist post-FOSTA/SESTA. Then I drive home.

Back home, I do a sweep of the living room and my bedroom. This is to make sure anything that could point to the existence of children in the house is cleared away.

The strewn Legos, the wayward slips of graded homework, the grass-stained clothes, the size-four Crocs, the soccer balls — all must be picked up, trashed, or stored away.

This is because I see my clients in my home.

Yes, while my children are safe at school, I sleep with men for money in our house. This is how I keep food on our table and the lights on in our condo.

Judge me if you want. I’m sure there are many people who would say I have problem — I’m messed up, bringing men into my home for a paid sexual encounter while my children are at school.

People can say a lot of things about me, but no one can say I’ve been forced into sex work.

I sleep with men for money of my own free will.

But even still I know this is weird — this mixing of the personal and the professional. It’s potentially dangerous, not because I’m scared of my clients hurting me physically.

No, before I meet any new client, I’ve already vetted him through a complicated process.

I know his real name. I’ve seen his LinkedIn account.

I’ve also made sure to get two referrals from other well-known colleagues who have sessioned with him, and who can vouch for his safety and professionalism.

Besides, most of my clients are married. They don’t want to start trouble.

But still, I sometimes get nervous about seeing clients in my home. This is my private space, after all.

There’s always the slim possibility that one of my clients will become obsessed with me, and he’ll now know where I live.

I had a problem with a guy a couple of years back. When I decided I didn’t want to see him anymore, he freaked out. He always wanted to stay longer than our agreed-upon time, and he was constantly trying to bargain down my rate.

He would make last-minute appointments and then cancel on me. So the next time he called, I texted back that I didn’t want to see him anymore.

He threatened to retaliate by telling my neighbors what I do in my house. He never did, but I was already prepared to do the necessary damage control. Luckily, nowhere on my website do I advertise that I see my clients in my home.

I get along with my neighbors very well. They have children too, and so my kids and I attend all their birthday parties, and they come to ours.

As far as my neighbors are concerned, I’m a polite, clean-cut life coach, who happens to have all male clients.

Because my neighbors work daytime, weekdays, I do my sessions then. My clients come early in the day because that’s also when my kids are in school.

I would never have a client to the house when my children were home. I’m not addicted to any drugs and never have been.

I’ve simply found sex work to be the easiest and most effective way for me to make money, especially as a single mom.

Sex work is the perfect occupation for a single mom. It not only affords me the time off I need, but I also earn enough money to care for my children.

I’ve had other jobs in my life. In a sense, I’m an anomaly when it comes to sex work. I’m college-educated and have held other positions in the corporate world.

Still, when I’ve had “legitimate” jobs, I’ve only earned a fraction of what I make as an escort. There’s also the question of my time.

As an escort, when my kids get sick, I can stay home with them. When they need to go to the doctor, I don’t have to take off the day.

In that regard, sex work is the perfect occupation for a single mom. It not only affords me the time off I need, but I also earn enough money to care for my children.

That’s another reason I session in my house. I don’t have to pay for a hotel or rent a workspace. I don’t have to fight traffic to get anywhere to meet a man.

In short, I have the time I to do other things, like volunteer at my children’s school.

Yes, I volunteer at my kids’ school. I bet you never imagined that a prostitute might also be helping your child to learn to read.

That’s why the stigma against prostitutes is so nonsensical. We’re not all demons or perverts. I even pay taxes. I’m just trying to get by, like everyone else.

By writing this I’m not asking for anyone to give me a free pass for my life choices though. This is not a mea culpa.

I’m sure many people would still be happy to see me burnt at the stake. Trust me, lawmakers have tried to put a stop to how I make my living.

But sex workers are resilient creatures. Call us the cockroaches of the world: disgusting to look at, but damn we know how to survive.

FOSTA/SESTA was passed to protect women and children, but it’s only made my life — and therefore my children’s lives — more erratic and stressful.

I still remember logging onto Backpage in January 2017, once my kids had finally gone back to school following winter break. I was ready to start making money again. After three weeks off, I had to.

To my utter astonishment, the adult services section of the website had disappeared, and along with it my sole means of advertising.

To say that Backpage was my only source of advertising is not an exaggeration. I didn’t get some clients through Backpage; I got all my clients there.

When I wanted to work I posted an ad that cost under five dollars. With that small investment, I typically earned anywhere from two-hundred to six-hundred dollars.

That’s an incredible return on investment.

But then Backpage nixed its adult services section under pressure of prosecution, and I spent a few nerve-rattling weeks trying to find other platforms to advertise on.

The cost of advertising on those other platforms was more expensive, though, and they never brought in the clients like Backpage did.

I almost went under — meaning I almost had to find another line of work.

But as I said, sex workers are resilient creatures. Like any entrepreneur, I branched out.

I created my own website, started a blog, and increased my social media presence. I started making videos and began to do phone sex. In other words, I diversified.

All I know is that I’ll never again let one website have the power to make or break me. I discovered the hard way how vulnerable that makes me.

I’ve recovered from the setback, and more importantly, I’ve regained hope. Once again I’m pulling in enough cash to cover the costs of living in a major city with two children, whom I care for almost exclusively on my own.

By the time FOSTA/SESTA went into effect in April 2018, I was ready. That Backpage was seized by the FBI didn’t surprise me.

What shocked me was that Craig’s List’s dating section and other websites like CityVibe and The Erotic Review went with it.

I sometimes wonder whether the same lawmakers out to cleanse the internet of prostitution are also going to create more benefits to help women like me survive once our means of earning income are gone.

FOSTA/SESTA was passed to protect women and children, but it’s only made my life — and therefore my children’s lives — more erratic and stressful.

Now, on top of the strain of having a job that’s illegal, of having to lie to my neighbors and everyone else I know lest I be stigmatized as a whore, I also have to worry about my website getting pushed into total darkness.

Sure, I have my own website now, but I discovered about a year ago that Google is shadow-banning me.

Pre-FOSTA/SESTA, I signed up to appear as a Google business. For a while, when clients searched “escort” in my city, my business listing showed up on page one.

But after FOSTA/SESTA passed, that ended. Google not only suppressed my business listing but also deleted my promotional posts.

Yes, Google, the champion of free speech, the most powerful search engine in the world — Google decided I shouldn’t exist.

What’s next? Block my website altogether?

This is our future, and I’m at the mercy of any U.S. lawmaker who decides to go on a crusade.

Now, on top of the strain of having a job that’s illegal, of having to lie to my neighbors and everyone else I know lest I be stigmatized as a whore, I also have to worry about my website getting pushed into total darkness and with it my entire means of caring for my children.

There are people who would argue that I’ve brought this on myself. I’m not supposed to be working in the sex industry. The way I make my living is classified as illegal everywhere in this country except in eight counties in Nevada.

And as a mother no less… Isn’t it time I find a “legitimate” job?

Sure, when I find one that I can survive on as a single mom. Until then I’ll do what I have to to keep a roof over our heads.

For me, this means “breaking the law” as a professional companion.

I wouldn’t necessarily say that sex work is a young woman’s game. Women of any age can make money in the sex industry.

I used to not work Saturdays. It was a day I earmarked to spend with my children, though lately, I’ve been turning over that job to my kids’ father.

My kids’ dad is still in our lives, and, yes, he does help out somewhat, but not much. I’ve been rallying for him to help more because I’m trying to work as much as I can these days.

This is because I want to retire from sex work. I’m only getting older, and I know I can’t keep this up forever.

I wouldn’t necessarily say that sex work is a young woman’s game. Women of any age can make money in the sex industry, and I’ve seen niche markets for mature escorts.

But the job takes a certain toll on the body. Escorting has a way of sucking all your energy. There’s a lot of emotional labor involved in fulfilling men’s fantasies. And there are a lot of men who would prefer I carry out that labor for free.

Giving so much attention to men exhausts me. I have to be totally “on” during my sessions.

I’d like to move on to something else. But until then, the bills must be paid.

So now on Saturdays, my kids’ dad typically takes my children to do something while I take calls.

The problem is, on Saturdays, my neighbors are home. We share a common entrance to our separate condos, and though I try to be discreet, I can only be so discreet when having clients come on Saturdays.

I try. I don’t give my clients my full address until they confirm an hour before our appointment. When they arrive, they text me at the door. I don’t want them ringing the wrong doorbell and asking for me by my stage name. My neighbors only know me by my real name.

I also always answer the door dressed in an overcoat. My client and I don’t speak until we’re safe behind closed doors inside my place.

On my end of the vast spectrum two adults can actually come together in a mutually beneficial arrangement and come out unscathed.

Then we chat for a few minutes during which time he tells me anything else I need to know to give him the best experience.

Then we go to bed. At the end of the session, I give him a hug, and he’s off, and I’m many dollars richer.

This is the sort of act that lawmakers have sought to save me from — a sexual transaction between two consenting adults.

It seems ludicrous that so much fuss has been made over activities that two adults mutually agree to engage in, only because one of the adults paying the other.

If this is a crime, it’s a victimless one, at least in my experience.

Unfortunately, laws like FOSTA/SESTA don’t take into account consent. There’s a spectrum when it comes to sex work. Yes, some women are being trafficked, but there are also so many women like me, who are simply trying to pay the bills and get ahead.

On my end of the vast spectrum, two adults can actually come together in a mutually beneficial arrangement and come out unscathed.

Let adults consent to engage in paid sex without legal repercussions. Only those encounters that don’t involve consent should be prosecuted.

Often on Sunday nights, whether I’ve worked or not, I get caught up watching a movie, and suddenly it’s midnight.

As such, I’m always tired on Monday mornings. I make a second cup of coffee before I set out to drop my kids at school.

Afterward, I don’t tarry in the parking lot, reviewing social media. I go home immediately to get ready for the day.

Mondays are a good day for business. Guys have been pent up with their families all weekend long. They can’t wait to combat the Monday blues by taking off lunch to have sex with me.

And I can’t wait to take their money.

And like this, I survive another day. But still, I worry about my future along with those of many other sex workers.

The only solution I can think of is to decriminalize sex work. Let adults consent to engage in paid sex without legal repercussions.

Only those encounters that don’t involve consent should be prosecuted.

But how to teach lawmakers the difference?

Education.

Only through education will we ever teach that as long as there’s consent, sex work should be a choice, not a crime.