Parenting

I’m A Seasoned Stepmom — And I Still Struggle

“You long to say a thousand words but seasons change…”

As stepmoms, we go through seasons. These seasons can be phases or periods when children and blended family dynamics change — sometimes quite suddenly. The challenges a stepmom may face one day could be much different than what she may have encountered the day before.

I have gone through many of these seasons. I’ve been through the season of being a new stepmom trying to find my place in the sensitive dynamic of an often absent mother.

I’ve been a stepmom who became pregnant with an ‘ours baby’ while navigating the needs of a young stepchild — perpetually worrying that I wasn’t giving him enough of myself once the baby was born.

I have gone through the season of a biological mother re-entering the scene on a more regular basis, prompting my stepchild to spend more time at her home — driving him back and forth several times a week — subsequently dealing with the transition fatigue, emotional moods, and drama that comes along with it.

I have been through the season of pre-teen sullenness, the season of sudden questions about why bio mom and dad didn’t stay together, as well as dealing with alienating rhetoric coming from the other home.

I have been through a season where the biological mother moved away to another state — just as the teen years were beginning. Thus began a long and intensely difficult journey of depression, angst, and tension within my home that affected every member of our family.

We had the season of COVID lockdowns which enhanced all the stress and depression that was already happening in our household. Enough said.

That’s the thing about being a stepmom. You never know what kind of emotions are right around the corner. Suppose you’re a biological mother as well as a stepmom. In that case, you may understand that there’s often more of a sense of control regarding your biological children — even though that parenting job is just as unpredictable.

I have learned that there will be many more seasons to come — even when a stepchild turns 18.

How you define any particular season is your own unique thing. It could be defined by certain events, big life changes, or by a change in your attitude toward your role as a stepmom.

For me, every season has felt hard — until I encountered another season that felt harder. But throughout every season I evolved. I learned. I adapted.

That’s what stepmoms do.

Don’t get me wrong — there were calm, joyful, and momentous seasons in between all of these challenging seasons too.

In life, there are always nuggets of joy hidden in the gritty, tough bits. Usually, you can’t find these nuggets until you make it through all that hard rock.

Being a seasoned stepmom doesn’t mean you’re done with stepparenting. It doesn’t mean you have all the answers. It means you’ve gone through your unique chapters in the stepparenting journey that have shaped you into the woman you are today.

Listen to The Pondering Stepmom Podcast!

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