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Abstract

um=referral">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><p id="2118">Dear Humanity,</p><p id="67c9">Spooky Season is upon us. Are you ready to learn from a <i>true industry insider? </i>A <i>real-life pumpkin</i>?</p><p id="93c1">I don’t think you are.</p><p id="283d">“If you are a pumpkin,” I hear you saying, “How come you can write a letter? You don’t have arms, LOL”.</p><p id="9161"><i>Rude.</i></p><p id="69b0">I am transmitting these words to the screen via th

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e power of telepathy. Don’t ask how. I’ll leave fleshing out the lore to the fanfiction writers and YouTube analysis channels.</p><p id="1b3b">All you need to know is that I am a real-life pumpkin and nothing about this premise is in any way contrived or incoherent.</p><p id="2527">So that’s my deal. Starting next time, we’re diving deep.</p><p id="5ebd"><i>You are not ready.</i></p><p id="3666">Greetings,</p><p id="3f15">The Pumpkin.</p></article></body>

I’m A Pumpkin and I Would Kindly Ask You Not To Stab My Face This Year (Part 1)

A Series Of Letters Exploring Spooky Season

Photo by Ira Mint on Unsplash

Dear Humanity,

Spooky Season is upon us. Are you ready to learn from a true industry insider? A real-life pumpkin?

I don’t think you are.

“If you are a pumpkin,” I hear you saying, “How come you can write a letter? You don’t have arms, LOL”.

Rude.

I am transmitting these words to the screen via the power of telepathy. Don’t ask how. I’ll leave fleshing out the lore to the fanfiction writers and YouTube analysis channels.

All you need to know is that I am a real-life pumpkin and nothing about this premise is in any way contrived or incoherent.

So that’s my deal. Starting next time, we’re diving deep.

You are not ready.

Greetings,

The Pumpkin.

Humor
Satire
Halloween
Spooky
The Witching Hour
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