I’m a Parent Who’s Also a Sex Worker

Lying about my job is the norm, and I’m afraid of being outed.

Is it possible to be a sex worker and also a good parent? Yes. Just because a woman has a job in the sex industry doesn’t mean she’s a bad parent.

Sex workers are business people who happen to sell sex as a product. As long as they’re adults selling sex to other consenting adults, this doesn’t mean they’re bad people or morally suspect.

It just means they choose to sell sex for a living.

As a single mom, I find sex work provides a viable way for me to provide for my family. My priority is to bring up healthy, well-adjusted children. My goal is also to keep my children safe. I would never, ever expose them to my work. I keep my work life and my personal life fastidiously separated.

And yet because of my job, some consequences affect me as a parent.

Especially as a school parent. Take the new system that district authorities have set up at my children’s school. This new procedure requires we check into the office before going onto campus, to slide our IDs through a machine that reviews our records to make sure we’re not sex offenders.

Some of the parents have lamented the inconvenience this causes as it makes for more of a hassle to get on campus.

I think we all applaud, though, how this procedure will make our kids safer.

But what does this procedure mean for me?

My job is illegal. Even if I only have sex with other adults who consent to pay me for this service, the fact that money is changing hands means that what I do is against the law.

If law enforcement catches me doing my job, I could be convicted of a crime.

I worry that I would be placed on my state’s sex-offender roster. This means I wouldn’t be allowed on my children’s school campus anymore.

That scares me.

I want to keep children safe just like any other parent. Still, my job presents certain challenges that other parents don’t have to deal with.

It’s hard to make friends with other parents.

At my children’s school, I’ve had opportunities to make friends with other parents, but I’ve typically shied away from that.

While I enjoy talking to these parents, sharing camaraderie about our common situation, too much talking leads to deeper conversations about my life. I definitely have to lie about what I do.

That leaves me feeling alienated. I don’t have anyone to share my feelings with.

I used to tell people I was a life coach. The problem was there was always somebody who wanted to refer their friend to me or who wanted my business card or to see my website.

Sure, I have a website, just not a life-coaching website.

This is the problem with lies. Lies lead to questions that I just don’t have the answers for.

Now I say I’m a tutor. At least if somebody says their kid needs tutoring, that’s something I can actually do. I do have a master's degree, after all.

One time, though, I told another mom I was a tutor, and that was why I couldn’t meet for a coffee one morning. The fact was I needed to rush home to start taking calls from clients, in hopes of setting up appointments that day.

“There are kids who want tutoring at this hour in the morning?” she asked. “Aren’t they all in school?”

This is why I can’t get too close to anyone. Too many questions reveal the cracks in my lies.

I ended up telling her there was a home-school student I helped. I had to lie to this mom, and sometimes I feel like I can’t get close to anyone.

All this lying just makes me feel separated from the world. But because of stigma and any other host of problems that would come from being honest, I can’t be truthful.

I’m afraid of being outed.

My real fear is that someone will see my ad online and tell the parents and teachers at my children’s school about my job. Namely, I’m afraid that one of the dads at the school will see my ad.

My clients are often family men with wives and children at home. They love their families but there’s a part of their personal sexual lives that aren’t being satisfied at home. They don’t have sex with their wives anymore or they don’t have enough sex. That’s why they come to me.

As such, it’s perfectly possible that a father at my kids’ school could see my ads online.

Sometimes I think about blurring my face in my advertising photos, but I’ve found that I get more calls when I don’t.

Potential clients want to see my face before they book. They want to see how old I am, and if they like the way I look. A lot can be communicated through facial expressions.

So I take the risk. I show my face in my ads and on my website.

But what if someone sees me online? What if my secret gets out?

Would decriminalization change anything?

It’s hard to have to hide so much of myself from people behind so many lies.

I can pretend I’m just like any other parent, but I’m not.

I’m a sex worker. Though my job allows me the open schedule I need to volunteer at my children’s school, to stay home with them when they’re sick, and to earn the income I need to provide for my children, my job also creates challenges that other parents just don’t have to contend with.

Maybe with the decriminalization of prostitution and more education about the positive ways people can sell and buy sex, the stigma surrounding my job will fade in the coming years and these issues will therefore impact my life less.