“I’m a bad mother” — why are women afraid of this?

# Summary
The content explores why women fear being considered "bad mothers," despite their desire and preparation for motherhood.

# Abstract
The article delves into the psychological struggle faced by many new mothers who, instead of experiencing joy, are plagued by the fear of inadequate parenting. It examines the societal pressures of an unattainable ideal mother image and the resulting anxiety and self-doubt. The text acknowledges the reality of postpartum challenges, including fatigue and depression, which exacerbate these fears amidst a lack of support and overwhelming advice. It emphasizes the importance of recognizing the difficulty of parenting, advocating for support and acceptance over excessive expectations, and trusting in one's intu

Where does this fear come from for a new mother? And why does he have such power?

I will talk about the main factors that make a woman doubt her parental viability. And if you know where the entrance is, you will find the exit!

The desired baby is born, but instead of feeling immense happiness and euphoria, the woman begins to be overcome by anxiety: what if I’m a bad mother? What if I can’t raise a good person? What if he can’t be happy? What if I make a fatal mistake in parenting? All these thoughts circulate in a chaotic stream in a woman’s head constantly. And this is against the backdrop of general fatigue, lack of sleep and a lot of worries!

This is really difficult to deal with. But where do these thoughts come from? Especially if a woman really wanted a child, was preparing for its arrival and had never previously doubted herself as a future mother.

The first and most important factor is the imposition of the image of an ideal mother.

Who is she? The one who is always kind and welcoming to her baby, the one who never gets irritated, always finds time to take care of herself, keeps the house in impeccable order, and pays attention to her husband. After all, this is an unreal picture, right? There are not so many hours in a day that all these points require!

In fact, a new mother finds herself in different conditions. Social isolation, postpartum anxiety, and maybe depression, dissatisfaction with oneself, a total lack of time and outside help, permanent irritation.

This is not a complete list. And also the support of well-wishers from the category, “You knew what you were getting into”, “this is in our time” and other “good advice”. They only strengthen the woman’s belief that something is wrong with her. That she’s not only not a good mother, she’s not normal at all.

Let’s not cultivate excessive demands on mothers. And let’s admit the simple truth: being a parent is difficult. And bearing, giving birth to a child and being with him 24/7 is a lot of work. In which a woman needs support, acceptance and help.

The modern psychologization of parents also adds fuel to the fire.

Now every first couple at least once asks the question “How to raise children correctly?”

And it’s great when in moderation. In my practice, I have met people who were terrified of making a mistake in their upbringing, read dozens of books, kept their children strict or completely free — in a word, they went from one extreme to the other.

They say that everyone who had parents needs a psychologist. I rather agree with this thesis. We are all alive and we don’t know what is right, we make mistakes, we act in accordance with our upbringing. And that’s okay.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, feel the pressure of society and have no idea how you can combine all the characteristics of an ideal mother… my recommendation to you: stop. Your intuition is the best adviser in matters of education.