Illuminati Meeting Notes: Jan. 1, 2021
Please don’t forward to Elon Musk.
Hello everyone,
Below are the January 1, 2021 meeting notes from the American Chapter of Illuminati. Please don’t hesitate to wake me from cryogenic slumber if I’ve missed anything!
Best,
Jerry 3
Administrative Assistant
American Chapter of Illuminati
Call Meeting to Order
American Chapter of Illuminati first of the year meeting was called to order at 11:59 p.m. EST on January 1, 2021, at the Statue of Liberty’s Right Eyeball where the concept of time stops.
Attendees
Mark Zuckerberg — Facebook/Instagram
Jay-Z — Beyoncé’s husband and Roc Nation
Kyle Nestle — Nestle Empire
Caleb Bradham XIV — Pepsi Royalty
Logan Paul — Influencer
Nyeema Dennis — Shea Moisture Company Proprietor
Walt Disney’s Brain in a Jar — Disney, ESPN, ABC, Marvel, Lucasfilm, The History Channel, Pixar, Vice Media, and 78% of Florida
Absent
Beyoncé — She is Beyoncé
North West (Kardashian) — Child Celebrity and Genius
Meryl Streep — Best Actress of Baby Boomer Generation
Lebron James — 4x NBA Champion, 4x MVP, 4x AP Athlete of the Year
James Cameron — Movie Director and Producer
Elon Musk — Tesla, Space X
Follow-up from Last Meeting
Social Media Report
Social media plan for 2022 has been finalized. Mark Zuckerberg and North West’s efforts to create a Facebook for children 10 months-3 years old is still in development. Working title: “BabyFace-book.” North West will provide a presentation and demonstration next meeting.
Super-Secret Evil World Domination Plan
Logan Paul will continue to exist.
New Business
Aquafina/Awkwafina Presentation
Caleb Bradham XIV and Walt Disney’s Brain in a Jar presented a new line of Aquafina products to further the public’s use of Awkwafina in American’s everyday lives and create a need for more Awkwafina content. Product has been secretly tested on unaware Disney movie producers. So far successful. (See attached slides and list of Disney projects)
VERY Super-Secret Evil World Domination Plan
Logan Paul will continue to exist in boxing competitions.
Jeff Bezos Situation Updates
Kyle Nestle explained that once Jeff Bezos completes the new “Amazon Humanoid” project he plans to move back to his home planet, E-Commercetanon in the Bezosan solar system. Bezos has refused to sell his 21% of Florida to Walt Disney’s Head in a Jar after he leaves. Walt Disney’s Brain in Jar threatened to start a shipping service if he did provide a chance to buy.
Elon Musk
Nyeema Dennis mentioned that she doesn’t understand why Elon Musk is still a member. Caleb Bradham XIV reminded her they would not have access to the newest Tesla cars if Musk was not a member. She agreed to keep Musk as a member.
Jay-Z Idea to share Ideas
Jay-Z asked if members have discussed taking time to hear his ideas in future meetings. Nyeema Dennis, Mark Zuckerberg, and Walt Disney’s Brain in a Jar decided it was best to table this discussion for a future meeting, to which Jay-Z responded that’s what members said the last 8 times. He then reminded all members in attendance that he is “Not a businessman, he’s a business, man.” Nyeema Dennis then asked if Beyoncé planned to attend any meetings. Jay-Z said he will ask again. Mark Zuckerberg then asked if it was possible to get free Beyoncé concert tickets for his niece. Walt Disney’s Brain in a Jar also asked for VIP tickets.
New Members Consideration
Members in attendance each brought a consideration for a new member to add to the American Chapter of Illuminati.
Mark Zuckerberg
- Wilmot Reed Hastings Jr. (Netflix CEO)
Jay-Z
- Shaquille O’Neal (Former athlete and spokesperson for numerous companies including Icy Hot, Gold Bond, and The General Car Insurance)
Kyle Nestle
- David Howard Murdock (Owner of Dole)
Caleb Bradham XIV
- Gerber Baby VI (Gerber Baby Empire)
Nyeema Dennis
- A’Lelia Bundles (Descendent of Madam CJ Walker)
Logan Paul
- Jake Paul (Brother of Logan Paul)
Walt Disney’s Brain in a Jar
- James Brown’s wandering spirit (Godfather of Soul)
Announcements
Annual American Chapter of Illuminati Picnic
Annual picnic will take place on April 4 at 4:44 p.m. in a secured location. Each member is to bring one food item and to NOT notify Elon Musk of the date and most importantly the location.
Agenda for next meeting
VERY, VERY Super-Secret Evil World Domination Plan
Logan Paul will exist in politics and fight Joe Biden in the boxing ring for the 2024 election.
Adjournment
Meeting adjourned at 12:00 a.m. EST by Mark Zuckerberg. Next meeting will take place at 8 p.m. MDT on February 1, 2021 at Mt. Rushmore inside Abraham Lincoln’s Left Nostril where time is a concept.
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