THE JOYS OF OWNING A DOG
I’ll Have Some Fish Oil With Those Farts
Another smelly tale

We have this fabulously hairy dog, Scooby. He is normally charming and sweet. The Fish Oil Incident of 2012 might be the only exception.
It was a cold and wet day. Snow was afoot. Snow was also apaw since the hairy baby refused to wear his booties on our walk.
Don’t judge me.
As was usual, after a wet walk, the Scoobmeister spends time in the garage. Yes, we have a carpeted garage with a space heater like everyone who loves their dog should. Scooby was in there with a toy and some water until he became bearable to live with.
Since our garage has a door right into our foyer, we left him in there for about an hour so he dried enough to not drag the wet dog smell completely throughout the house.
I went to grab him for dinner and opened the door to discover an overpowering stench. It was not wet dog smell, it was something infinitely worse.
Our garage is attached and we’d been known to use it as a walk-in fridge. Sometimes overflow food items made their home on those shelves until the weather became too cold or too warm. But what I smelled was not turkey stuffing it was fish.
There are a great number of responsibilities that come with being the owner of a beautiful sheepdog. Grooming is paramount. As The Scoober was finding the winter drying for his skin (because he was scratching a lot), I picked up some fish oil to make his skin and hair silky and smooth. Because I love him. Scoobs would get a tablespoon in his dinner meal and he loved it.
Fish oil is best kept in the fridge so it doesn’t go rancid.
We own a walk-in fridge/garage.
The dog was in there by himself for an hour with 500mL (16oz) of fish oil on a shelf that was eye level for our dog.
My husband was out-of-town.
The stench was our Sheepdog covered nose to butt in fish oil.
Apparently, he had tried to investigate the plastic bottle, probably while he was just licking it like a good boy, and his teeth slipped. In doing so, the bottle had shot the lid off. Poor Scoobs had licked up as much as he could to save me from cleaning it because he’s a giver. He then tried to hide the evidence so I didn’t feel bad for leaving him in the garage for an hour by putting the bottle on top of my sports bag where I would find it. Then he draped his body over the spill to really soak up the goodness.
My baby likes to do stuff like this when my husband is not around because he knows I will still be his friend.
Let’s play a little game. I’m calling it — Do You Know?
- Do you know how long it takes for 500mL of fish oil to pass through the colon of a 38-pound dog? 5 days.
- Do you know how many days my husband was away during this time? 5 days.
- Do you know how many fish farts a dog who has consumed 500mL of fish oil in one sitting shares with his family in a 24-hour period? Approximately 327.
- Do you know how many windows one must open in a house trying to be heated while the fish farting was in full force? Every damn one!
- Do you know how many people were required to wear winter coats in the house? Every damn one!
- Do you know how many walks a dog with the fish oil runs requires in a day when the weather is colder than the Antarctic? At least 10.
- Do you know how many walks he would normally get when the weather is frightful? 2 short ones/day max.
- Do you know how many doggie bags are required for each of those walks? 6. I was glad he pooped in snowbanks so I could actually attempt to remove the fishy ass water off other peoples’ property.
- Do you know how many ass baths our sheepdog required each day? 10.
- Do you know how many ass baths he would get in a regular year? 10. And, always at the groomers.
- Do you know how long it takes for the emotional scars to heal after eating every meal in the house for those 5 days with clothes pegs on our noses? 11.2 years.
We now let our little princess be itchy. It is safer for all of us that way.






