I’ll Be Sad When Quarantine is Over

Confessions of an introverted extrovert

Until there’s a vaccine or this virus “magically disappears,” most of us remain in various forms of quarantine (and alternating stages of denial) for the foreseeable future. Of course not everyone is still hiding at home, Instacarting their groceries. Many of us have found ways to get on with our lives as safely as possible. Others haven’t seen another soul IRL in eight months. The country’s mostly “reopened,” whatever that means. Yet, we still homeschool our kids and work from our living rooms (or in my case, the bedroom). Seeing neighbors wearing masks no longer feels ominous and weird. And yet, it’s all so fucking surreal.

Here’s what I will not miss about quarantine

I will not miss the daily fear of catching my death or causing someone else’s.

I will not miss the inability to give hugs or send my daughter to a friend’s house for a sleepover.

I will not miss telling my daughter she can’t perform in the Nutcracker this year or take ballet classes in the studio or trick-or-treat in the way that she’s used to.

I will not miss the guilt I feel that we’re not getting enough exercise nor the sheer will it takes to pull ourselves off the couch.

I will not miss the international travel ban.

I’m not sure when we’ll stop needing to wipe down countertops and door knobs or wash our hands. Maybe never. The last one should never not be a thing.

But back to the quarantine and why I’ll kinda sorta miss it.

Quarantine is a great excuse to be lazy

I’m a bed monkey. It’s my favorite place in the house. I’ve written many a TV show from bed, did all my homework in high school and college from bed. I’m just more focused and creative when I’m comfortable. Now, I have an excuse!

It’s nice to spend all this quality time with my kid

My daughter used to plead with me all the way to school, “I want to stay home with you, Mama!” Be careful what you wish for, kid. She misses interacting with other kids and the dynamics of a classroom. But she also loves logging onto her Zoom class from bed (guess where she got that?) and walking the dog during recess and eating hot lunches here at the house while watching an episode of The Simpsons. Anything goes right now. And that’s kind of nice.

I know many parents are pulling their hair out with multiple kids and toddlers. My heart goes out to you. For me, this pandemic caught us at just the right age and time in space. I only have one child which is way easier to negotiate. My daughter is eleven, and since she’s around me all the time instead of a bunch of hormonal tweens, there’s a little less attitude and a few more cuddles than I anticipate receiving next year when she enters middle school.

Pandemics are good for productivity

Shakespeare wrote some of his greatest works during the bubonic plague. This bit of trivia motivates me. When I’m not plowed over with brain fog from fear and anxiety, I’m writing.

I used to spend half my day shuttling my daughter to and from school and various activities, then I’d fill half the remaining hours with errands. Eventually I’d spend a few minutes writing.

Before the pandemic, I worked in an office space like WeWorks, but for writers, called The Office. I miss it. I was surrounded by other writers in a room where talking was off-limits, except in the kitchen where I met some great new friends during my lunch break. Luckily, a few of us have now formed a virtual writing office. We meet over FaceTime six mornings a week, from 9:30a-11:30a, to write in silence — together. Being accountable to these two badass women every day has saved me from my procrastinating nature and allowed me to produce more work than I would have on my own. I’ve finished a book, found an agent, started a Medium page.

For introverted extroverts, this is our time

I like talking with people and doing things. But I also love — and need — time alone to recharge my batteries. Also, I’m lazy. Pick out a cute outfit, make my hair behave, struggle with eyeliner? Let’s just not. I’ll be in bed writing a story or binging a Netflix show. If I want to socialize with friends, I’ll take a socially distant walk, strike up a Zoom happy hour or invite people to my backyard. I may or may not be wearing sweatpants.

No need for make-up, blow-outs or a cute outfit.

This may also fall under “excuse to be lazy,” but I’m enjoying giving my hair and nails a break. Painted toenails have always been a priority for me for as long as I can remember, even in winter when no one can see them but me. It makes me feel more together and kempt. Right now, I’m loving the look of pink flesh under healthy toenails. I experimented with letting my silver roots shine for the first six months and liked it but finally buckled and went back to brunette. Grey looks brilliant on some people. I’ve learned that I’m not one of them.

Necessity is the mother of invention

Eventually, most of us (especially those of us with kids) have found a way to interact safely outside the home. I love the creativity this time has inspired. Drive-in movies have made a resurgence, outdoor seating at restaurants is plentiful and backyard happy hours replace bar gatherings. Zoom has brought my family together from around the country in a way I could not have anticipated a year ago. Never before have I had the ability to RSVP “yes” to so many family functions without packing a bag or boarding a flight.

Surprisingly, Halloween was less depressing this year than I’d imagined it would be. Neighbors rallied to deliver treats using creative methods from ten feet away — dropped down shoots, launched over fences, left on tables. We decorated our house, painted pumpkins and watched spooky movies in the backyard. It’s my daughter’s favorite day of the year, and I pulled out the stops to make sure she didn’t miss out on yet another of life’s pleasures. At bedtime, when my daughter told me, “I had so much fun,” I nearly wept with relief.

Finding gratitude for what we do have

Never have I been more thankful to have a backyard than I am right now. What a luxury. And for the first time in seven years, we’re actually spending time in it. Did I realize there were apples, lemons and figs growing back there? Mind blown.

I have so much gratitude now— and time to think about gratitude — without cluttering my life with endless to-do lists. Is this the Earth’s way of slowing us down and forcing us to enjoy the little things?

The flip side

People are sick and dying. Businesses are going under, friends are losing their jobs and homes, our leader is a lying imbecile. It’s bad, bad, bad. Sleep is elusive most nights. All I can do, I remind myself, is to focus on my little corner of the world or I’ll go stark, raving mad.

I have to admit, from that vantage point, I feel blessed.

The pandemic’s actually helped my marriage

I thought staying together 24/7 would make us homicidal. Perhaps our marriage would evaporate into a vat of acid tension like a cartoon villain. Instead, I’m infinitely grateful for my husband’s partnership, his hugs-on-demand, for being my binge-buddy as we consume every single episode of “True Blood,” for his solid cooking, cleaning and painting skills. We’ve banded together to weather the storm, and somehow it’s renewed our commitment. I feel more secure having a full house right now. If you don’t know me — this is a new feeling.

When this is all over, we’ll get back to the grind of endless after-school activities and carpools and coordinated playdates. I’ll set up coffees with friends and colleagues, make travel plans. I’ll love being back to normal, and I’ll appreciate our freedom more than ever, but if I’m being honest:

I’m tired just thinking about it.

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