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Abstract

le to relate and empathise with you, people whom you’re comfortable showing vulnerability to.Recognise and steer clear of people who are not capable of giving you comfort and solace, or people whom you know will only return your messages with snarky and insensitive remarks, as they will only make you feel worse than you already are.Have a night out with your friends. Spend some time with people who truly care for you. You might appreciate some great advice from people who could offer some different perspectives.<h1 id="9e3b">Find (good) distractions</h1>A lot of people don’t recommend looking for distractions to mend your broken heart after a breakup.Well, that depends on how you define “distractions”.Distractions can be very healthy if used in a positive way.Start working on something that you have always wanted to do or haven’t had the opportunity to do so when you were in a relationship.Personally, I’ve always wanted to do some non-academic writing. Starting a Medium page is one of the best distractions I’ve had so far. I’m able to do something I enjoy, while at the same time express myself in a therapeutic way.Avoid immersing yourself in video games for long hours, or indulging yourself in alcohol or drugs to numb your emotions, or swiping on Tinder just to look for that rebound to fill your void. These simply won’t do you any good in the long run.Take this from my experience, do not wallow in social media, scrolling endlessly, checking up on your ex obsessively. Doing that will only make you feel much worse. If you still do care about your ex’s well-being, check up on them straight up instead of compulsively stalking their social media pages for updates while playing different scenarios in your head.I’ve currently cut down social media consumption by around 90 %. Sounds a tad drastic, but if it helps you, why not?<figure id="142a"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*4ildb0J4ckZlJqN4"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@a_d_s_w?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Adrian Swancar</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><h1 id="2ff2">Be in tune with your emotions</h1>Honour your pain, honour your heartache, honour your emotions, honour your feelings, and know that they will become progressively less intense the more you let them out. It helps you move past them!We often find ourselves ignoring any negative emotions and we tend to push them out of our conscious awareness. This suppression is not only unhealthy, it is also detrimental to our mental health in the long run.If we let this repression become a defence mechanism, one day we might find ourselves completely breaking down even at the smallest trigger due to our heavily repressed emotions.During the day, I keep myself occupied with daily tas

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ks and postgraduate research work. At night, I take some time out to wind down, meditate and completely be in touch with my feelings while acknowledging them.Keep a mood journal, track and identify your emotions, create or listen to music. Do whatever floats your boat, as long as you check in with your emotions and be accountable for yourself.Stay conscious. The unconscious mind can be a powerful and deadly weapon of self-destruction.<h1 id="de71">Fathom and accept the state of being single</h1><a href="undefined">Ayodeji Awosika</a> wrote an excellent article about <a href="https://psiloveyou.xyz/how-to-be-alone-the-subtle-art-of-learning-to-love-yourself-ebdf7a355319">embracing the state of being alone</a>, which helped me grasp certain aspects of moving on and letting go.When you’ve spent a significant amount of time with someone else, it’s hard to imagine the life ahead without them. It’s hard to imagine functioning independently.You’ll encounter breakup withdrawal symptoms, constantly picturing how your daily life would be if you were still with your ex. You’ll experience a compulsive desire to see, hear, talk to, know what your ex is doing.But here’s the hard truth: learn how to be alone.Let it sink in that you are good enough just as you are when you spend time alone. Comprehend that constantly seeking the company, validation, acceptance and attention of someone else instead of your own is never healthy. Do not let that become the core pillar of your existence.Remember, just because you’re alone, doesn’t mean you’re lonely.<h1 id="5ad1">Get to know yourself</h1>You’ve heard this a lot. But ask yourself: do you really, really know yourself?Do you know what you truly like, what you crave for, who you are, where you yearn to be in ten years, what kind of partner you’d like to spend the rest of your life with?People in committed relationships tend to lose their identity along the way — they morph into their partners, they assimilate their desires and goals, they fully integrate their beliefs and systems. At a point in the relationship, almost everything you do or want has something to do with other people, but almost nothing to do with what you want.Be in touch with yourself. Gain some retrospective and introspective insight into what fulfils you as a human being. More often than not we are guilty of looking at our partners through rose-tinted glasses, and suddenly all the red flags just look like…flags (BoJack Horseman quote). When you’re able to figure out who you actually are, who you want to be, you’ll finally get to realise what really matters to you in a person.Know yourself, be unwavering about your values and principles, develop into the best version of yourself and with plenty of self-love and self-awareness, you’ll find yourself attracting everything you want into your life with ease, including the right people.</article></body>

If You’re Recovering from a Painful Breakup, Read This

Choose to react positively to the end of a relationship for your own sake.

Each breakup I had felt more painful than the last, each goodbye felt more intense than the other, and each time I felt like I lost a little part of myself.

The heartbreak we go through after ending a genuine and heartfelt relationship consumes every iota of our being. Chances are a lot of us will find it impossible to function day in and day out.

It’s devastating and while other people can relate, after all, they aren’t in that moment. The pain is there and it’s real for you.

Going through these painful experiences had a silver lining though, they taught me how to manage myself in tough times like this.

Being a working adult equates to having responsibilities, and let’s face it, we can’t afford to drown ourselves in our sorrows and neglect everything else for a prolonged period of time, it just isn’t feasible in today’s world.

However, you have to acknowledge that although getting over a break up seems inconceivable at first, it is always just a matter of time.

Here are some tips I picked up along the way to help you get on that path of self-love and inner peace again.

Love yourself

First and foremost, you need to learn to love yourself.

It’s highly likely that you will find one way or another to blame yourself for the end of the relationship, even if it was beyond your control.

You’ll overthink, overthink and overthink.

You might be thinking that you weren’t enough to keep your partner. Trust me, it’s all in your head.

You might also be thinking of what you could’ve done differently to salvage the relationship. Well, as much as I hate saying this, maybe some things are just not meant to be.

Your partner might suddenly realise they weren’t ready to be in a long-term relationship, or maybe they might have other priorities they wish to pursue urgently, or maybe it’s just the right person at the wrong time. Either way, forcing things to go your way is just a recipe for disaster if one party isn’t willing to be in the relationship anymore.

Choosing to let go might just be the best solution for your long-term happiness. In other words, choose to love yourself.

After all, if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else, right?

Reach out to people close to you

Not just anyone, but friends and family whom you know are able to relate and empathise with you, people whom you’re comfortable showing vulnerability to.

Recognise and steer clear of people who are not capable of giving you comfort and solace, or people whom you know will only return your messages with snarky and insensitive remarks, as they will only make you feel worse than you already are.

Have a night out with your friends. Spend some time with people who truly care for you. You might appreciate some great advice from people who could offer some different perspectives.

Find (good) distractions

A lot of people don’t recommend looking for distractions to mend your broken heart after a breakup.

Well, that depends on how you define “distractions”.

Distractions can be very healthy if used in a positive way.

Start working on something that you have always wanted to do or haven’t had the opportunity to do so when you were in a relationship.

Personally, I’ve always wanted to do some non-academic writing. Starting a Medium page is one of the best distractions I’ve had so far. I’m able to do something I enjoy, while at the same time express myself in a therapeutic way.

Avoid immersing yourself in video games for long hours, or indulging yourself in alcohol or drugs to numb your emotions, or swiping on Tinder just to look for that rebound to fill your void. These simply won’t do you any good in the long run.

Take this from my experience, do not wallow in social media, scrolling endlessly, checking up on your ex obsessively. Doing that will only make you feel much worse. If you still do care about your ex’s well-being, check up on them straight up instead of compulsively stalking their social media pages for updates while playing different scenarios in your head.

I’ve currently cut down social media consumption by around 90 %. Sounds a tad drastic, but if it helps you, why not?

Be in tune with your emotions

Honour your pain, honour your heartache, honour your emotions, honour your feelings, and know that they will become progressively less intense the more you let them out. It helps you move past them!

We often find ourselves ignoring any negative emotions and we tend to push them out of our conscious awareness. This suppression is not only unhealthy, it is also detrimental to our mental health in the long run.

If we let this repression become a defence mechanism, one day we might find ourselves completely breaking down even at the smallest trigger due to our heavily repressed emotions.

During the day, I keep myself occupied with daily tasks and postgraduate research work. At night, I take some time out to wind down, meditate and completely be in touch with my feelings while acknowledging them.

Keep a mood journal, track and identify your emotions, create or listen to music. Do whatever floats your boat, as long as you check in with your emotions and be accountable for yourself.

Stay conscious. The unconscious mind can be a powerful and deadly weapon of self-destruction.

Fathom and accept the state of being single

Ayodeji Awosika wrote an excellent article about embracing the state of being alone, which helped me grasp certain aspects of moving on and letting go.

When you’ve spent a significant amount of time with someone else, it’s hard to imagine the life ahead without them. It’s hard to imagine functioning independently.

You’ll encounter breakup withdrawal symptoms, constantly picturing how your daily life would be if you were still with your ex. You’ll experience a compulsive desire to see, hear, talk to, know what your ex is doing.

But here’s the hard truth: learn how to be alone.

Let it sink in that you are good enough just as you are when you spend time alone. Comprehend that constantly seeking the company, validation, acceptance and attention of someone else instead of your own is never healthy. Do not let that become the core pillar of your existence.

Remember, just because you’re alone, doesn’t mean you’re lonely.

Get to know yourself

You’ve heard this a lot. But ask yourself: do you really, really know yourself?

Do you know what you truly like, what you crave for, who you are, where you yearn to be in ten years, what kind of partner you’d like to spend the rest of your life with?

People in committed relationships tend to lose their identity along the way — they morph into their partners, they assimilate their desires and goals, they fully integrate their beliefs and systems. At a point in the relationship, almost everything you do or want has something to do with other people, but almost nothing to do with what you want.

Be in touch with yourself. Gain some retrospective and introspective insight into what fulfils you as a human being. More often than not we are guilty of looking at our partners through rose-tinted glasses, and suddenly all the red flags just look like…flags (BoJack Horseman quote). When you’re able to figure out who you actually are, who you want to be, you’ll finally get to realise what really matters to you in a person.

Know yourself, be unwavering about your values and principles, develop into the best version of yourself and with plenty of self-love and self-awareness, you’ll find yourself attracting everything you want into your life with ease, including the right people.