If you’re not totally happy in your own skin, read this
We can put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be or act in a certain way.
I know I have.
And it is one of our most significant sources of unnecessary misery.
It keeps us guarded, hesitant, reticent, fearful and frustrated.
Humans do this thing where:
- Through our life journey, someone criticizes us for being a certain way in a moment.
- We mistake the subjective opinion someone else makes about us for the truth about who we are as a person.
- Because we want us to be better, we take this false idea and beat ourselves up with it over and over again.
- We put pressure on ourselves by wanting us to be and act differently.
- We might even try and numb the pain created out of this pressure.
The above never helps.
Pressure makes us closed and nervous.
It’s like having a stern camp guard keeping watch over us from a distance with a rifle, ready to blow our brains out the moment we fall out of line.
That’s no way to live.
I’ve spent my entire life hating myself for being too serious; too uptight; too worried.
You may have something else that you dislike about yourself or a thing that people often criticise you for.
Hold that thought.
(Well, actually don’t — that’s the last thing I want you to do, but you know what I mean).
I often wish I could more often align with my dream image of myself as cool, always positive, calm, and at ease.
That’s a healthy thing to think, isn’t it?
Reminding myself to be more at ease, must be a good thing, right?
Telling ourselves to be happier, must surely be a good thing?
Nah. It’s pressure.
I put continual pressure on myself to let go; to relax; to smile; to be more present, man.
That sucks the life out of me.
I am living in the shadow of that camp guard with his rifle.
‘Be happier, or else,’ he whispers.
I had a breakthrough recently while watching a friend of mine be coached in real-time.
She had been explaining how she had recently been acting like a victim around earning more money.
She was telling this coach that she hated the idea that she was being a victim.
‘Fair enough,’ I thought. ‘Being a victim is lame. We want to be unapologetic. Creative. Responsible.’
But herein lies the problem, and it’s one that this coach picked up on immediately:
She was putting pressure on herself for being a victim.
And pressure is pressure.
Pressure is unloving.
It is not compassionate.
And when we lack compassion for ourselves, we get in our way. We make ourselves nervous and worried.
We’re stepping out of line.
Rifle cocks.
*Kuh-click*
Better step back in line.
We can apply pressure on ourselves even if our motives are seemingly for the best.
For example, I could be in a social setting, and I’m nervous.
People are telling me to: ‘relax, man — don’t be so uptight dude!’
And so I tell myself the same. ‘Relax, Alex! Take a chill-pill, my dude!’
Pressure.
Pressure to be different.
Pressure to NOT be the way I am right now.
Pressure to act.
So the alternative is a simple one, but it may just change everything for you:
And that is to simply be.
Not to judge, or want things to be different.
Not to force yourself to be or act in any particular way. If I can sense a voice telling me to be more relaxed, I let that thought float away, and I accept and enjoy the moment.
Through being in this state of non-judgement, you will fill up with an energy that creates connection with others.
Rather than seeing yourself as a separate entity, see how everyone else around you is just like you.
If you put pressure on yourself for being boring, see the boring in others, and love them for it. Then love yourself for being boring.
With self-love, comes the space inside you to open up, and be automatically interesting.
If you beat yourself up over being unhealthy, see the unhealthiness in others, and love them for it. Then love yourself for being unhealthy.
With self-love, an energy will rise in you to start making healthier decisions.
If you beat yourself up over your lack of ‘motivation,’ see that lack of motivation in others, you know. Love them for it. Love yourself for it.
See the connection.
Then watch your motivation return.
The more you realise you are uniquely the same as everybody else, the freer you will be.
With love and being and breathing through resistance, you can let go.
And through the beauty of simply being as you are, your most potent and creative self will emerge.
A beautiful giant of aliveness and joy.
—
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