Summary

The article encourages men to critically evaluate their attractiveness and personal growth by considering whether they would date themselves if they were a woman, emphasizing the importance of self-improvement and the limitations of the "be yourself" mindset.

Abstract

The author challenges the concept of a "high-value" man as a nebulous and arbitrary list of traits, suggesting that self-assessment should be based on personal growth and the ability to attract women with one's character. He argues that the "be yourself" philosophy can be an excuse for not taking responsibility for personal development, especially after a breakup. The article emphasizes that while everyone is inherently "good enough," having standards is crucial, and men should strive to be someone women would want to date by developing positive traits and habits. It also highlights the importance of having a healthy relationship with oneself, as this is foundational to all other relationships and can influence attractiveness to potential partners. The author concludes by urging men to look beyond their egos and engage in self-reflection to improve their interactions with women and others.

Opinions

The author believes that the "high-value" man label is meaningless and that there is no universal standard for what makes a man attractive.
He suggests that men often use the "be yourself" mindset as a crutch to avoid personal growth and responsibility for their dating failures.
The article posits that men should consider whether they would date themselves, which can reveal areas for self-improvement.
It is expressed that while all individuals are inherently "good enough," personal standards and development are key to attracting a partner.
The author asserts that a man's living situation, income, personality, and habits can significantly impact his dating success.
He emphasizes that a strong, healthy relationship with oneself is the cornerstone of all other relationships.
The

If You Were a Woman, Would You… Date You?

As men, we get blinded by our egos and we forget what makes us attractive (or not)

When I think of inexperienced men looking for ways to attract women, they may come across the “High-value” man articles. You know, the ones that list a bunch of things you should do to call yourself “high value”.

This nebulous concept of “high value” is meaningless.

While I don’t think the intention is meant to attract women, if I were naive or inexperienced, that would be my assumption.

As with anything, anyone can make a list of high-value traits. There is no “universal truth” on what makes a man a ‘man’. What works for one person may not necessarily apply to everyone.

Truthfully, can I even call myself a “high-value man”? Do I have the authority to challenge these types of values?

I’m not very fit, I don’t have a lot of money, I don’t have a huge social circle, and I often doubt myself.

However, I do know this: There are women out there who have and will invest their time and energy in me based on the positive character traits that I have.

Rather than arbitrarily picking some values, I thought, If I were a woman, would I date me?

“Being yourself” is limiting your dating opportunities

Men have bought into this bullshit notion of She should just love me for me!

That’s great, and you should be yourself. You’re good enough. Some women will love you for you, but they may not be of the caliber of women that you are interested in.

The “be yourself” mindset has a huge flaw:

It’s taken as an excuse to not grow or take responsibility for your life.

Suppose I came out of my last relationship in complete denial of the whole thing. Everything was her fault, she was stupid and crazy for leaving me, and any woman who doesn’t get with me is nuts.

I can continue “being myself”, but that self contributed to a breakup. If I were to dismiss my responsibility to adapt, I’d continue to repeat the same mistakes.

Drop your ego for 5 minutes and think, if you were one of the women you were interested in, would you date yourself?

Because if you get honest with yourself, there may be things that you need to stop doing, or start doing, for you to increase your dating success or improve your relationship.

Would she be attracted to your living situation?
Would she be okay with how much money you make?
Is your personality attractive?
Do you have healthy habits?

Remember, as a person, you’re automatically “good enough”, but everyone still has standards.

I am sure you probably have certain deal breakers or “turn-offs” that make you think twice before you consider entering into a relationship or dating certain women.

Do you settle for every woman out there just because she is female? Would you like her even if she didn’t meet your basic expectations?

If you live in a basement, work part-time, and have social anxiety, that will limit your options.

Whereas, if you live independently, have a stable income, and are generally good with people, your options will likely be greater.

For example, I can be highly-strung.

I can get worked up easily. While I’m aware of this, and do my best to avoid it, some women can’t handle this part of my personality. This limits some of my options, but just like me, you can change.

Have you developed yourself into someone that someone would want to date? If not, why haven’t you?

Women don’t care if you think you’re good enough or you’re being yourself. Just like you don’t care if she thinks she is attractive, if you don’t find her attractive, no amount of thinking or pretending is going to work.

The only thing that matters is if you behave in a genuine way that demonstrates your inner strength.

Do you get along with yourself in the first place?

Do you get along with yourself?

The relationship you have with yourself is far more important than any other relationship.

The relationship with yourself is the fundamental thing to all other relationships. Without a strong, healthy relationship, everything else will follow a similar pattern.

If you were stuck with you, how exciting or horrible would that be?

Can you just ‘be’? If you find it challenging, then your relationship is probably not good.

This is why some men can’t understand why women lose interest in them after a couple of weeks or so.

You might not be interesting to be around, or perhaps you might be a toxic influence. You might not be motivated and you don’t have any goals.

You don’t need to cope with a good relationship. You would be there with it as much as possible. A bad one? You will do anything to avoid it.

Trust me, I’ve been with women who were too needy or unmotivated, and these relationships didn’t last long, because I knew better than to complicate my life.

Just like some of the women I’ve dated, you’re fully capable of zooming out or self-reflecting on your qualities. It’s merely a matter of whether you want to or not.

Don’t improve yourself for the sake of a relationship.

That’s worse than not doing anything. That need won’t be a true inspiration, and you won’t put in the real effort to make a lasting change in your life.

It has to be because you genuinely want to.

To conclude,

As men, we get blinded by our egos.

We create stories and beliefs about ourselves that were are the most important, greatest people in the world. It blinds us to personal growth when we don’t take a step back and zoom out.

Especially if we’re in a bad circumstance, or what we’re doing isn’t all that attractive.

It's sometimes easier to pretend everything is okay for the sake of avoiding an uncomfortable set of truths.

It’s easy to see the flaws in other people, but without this thought experiment, we may never be able to accurately see how we might be portraying ourselves to women and other people.