If You Want Your Relationship To Last, Stop Doing These Mistakes

Don’t get too comfortable with your life

Humans are tribalism. We live in groups. And being in such a group requires creating relationships and bonds to survive — but being in a relationship is never easy. It comes with difficulties and a lot of upside-down stages that will test our ability to stay in the relationship. And having issues isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Issues can arrive with teaching moments to help us avoid any unnecessary upcoming arguments.

So what makes our relationships get ruined? Glad you asked. Here’s why:

Using the Silent treatment

“If there was any great lesson in life, it was this: No battle was ever won with silence.”― Shannon L. Alder

The causes of relationship communication problems can vary from one couple to another. But there is some common behavior that will make us close off and open the door to doubts, speculations, and assumptions to enter our lives. This kind of behavior doesn’t happen overnight, it results from a long time of emotional accumulations we don’t even know we have. And here are three reasons that can lead us to close off and stop communicating:

Immaturity By having an attitude and leave your partner wondering what they have done wrong, without addressing the problem.

Getting pushed into a defensive mode When you keep criticizing your partner, point out what’s wrong instead of how to be better, and use directive words, you aren’t only discouraging the change — but also passing a negative judgment that arouses the feeling of defensiveness, hurting their pride — and loses their sense of importance.

What I mean by a directive word is the word “You” As in:

• You always do that
• You don’t pay attention
• You better stop that
• You need to take that

This kind of directive word draws disagreement to the conversation — and make the other person feel attacked.

Feeling embarrassed Talking about the sexual part of your relationships, or start a discussion about your dissatisfaction, sexual desires, and talk about ways to improve it isn’t easy for many people. Especially for those who just started it. That’s why people prefer to avoid the whole discussion.

Hiding the truth

“We lie because we are adept at hiding the truth.”― Anthony T. Hincks

When it comes to lying, nobody is innocent. We lie, and we do it a lot. And hiding the truth is as bad as lying.

Lying comes in different forms, starting from giving false compliments, all the way to cheating.

Even though honesty is necessary for any relationship, dealing with people can be a little different. You need to pay attention to what you’re saying — because being honest is not enough. You need to be kind, humble, and human. And acknowledge the thin layer that differentiates you from being honest and being an asshole. Know your lines and never cross them.

Become a full-time lover.

Nothing can make any person happier than spending time with the people they love. And nothing is wrong with that — but spending too much time and drop anything else in your life to stay with your partner might have a different impact. And it’s not a good one.

“Too much of anything could destroy you, Simon thought. Too much darkness could kill, but too much light could blind.”― Cassandra Clare, City of Lost Souls.

Reaching this stage in the relationship will make the things you used to do less relevant. And it will lead you to lose yourself in the process. As Dimitris Leo explained it here:

“I was going out with my friends less. I was only concentrating on my studies. I had stopped working out. I had lost the motivation to look after myself. I was getting laid after all. Why go to all that extra trouble?”

That’s why having a life out of your relationship is an essential need because it will make you:

• Have more things to talk about
• Grow as a person

Distrust in advance

“You can sow the seeds of distrust everywhere and lose yourself in an overgrown field.” ― Anne Rice, Pandora

Trust is the base of the relationship. And without trust, there’s no love. And if you can’t trust the person you share your bed with, then you’re better off without them.

The ultimate thing in the relationship a person can provide is to trust their partner. To trust their decisions, loyalty, and integrity.

When people start a new relationship without fixing themselves first and meet their own needs. They will carry along some unpleasant experiences, which might lead to having some trust issues. And to help solve that, here is what you need to do:

• Draw boundaries and have mutual respect
• Supporting and listening to each other
• Be open about everything that bothers you about your partner.
• Back your words with Actions.
• Take responsibility and admit your mistakes.

Building trust is not easy — but with enough time, effort, and consistency. You can build a solid foundation of trust that can last for years.

Getting comfortable with your life

“It’s only after you’ve stepped outside your comfort zone that you begin to change, grow, and transform.” ― Roy T. Bennett

Life is a journey. And to enjoy this journey, we need to keep exploring, expanding our knowledge, and meet new people. The moment we settle to a relationship where we feel like doing something new is unnecessary, is the moment when this relationship will fail.

We need to keep the light of our love ignited and keep developing new shared interests, so we can remain open to new experiments, and enjoy our time.

Be a “YES” person.

“When you say yes to something you don’t want to do, here is the result: you hate what you are doing, you resent the person who asked you, and you hurt yourself.” ― James Altucher, The Power of No

We love to be the center of attention, especially for those who we admire. And finding someone who shares our views is marvelous, but we need people that can teach us something new, surprise us, and make us better people.

Saying yes to everything will not make others love you more. Instead, will make you lose control of your life decisions and your self-respect.

Summary

• Communication is the most important tool you can use.
• The truth will always come out, so don’t hide it. Be honest and do it with kindness.
• Have a life out of your relationship and don’t be a full-time lover
• Don’t start a new relationship without meeting your own needs.
• Give your partner a chance, and trust them in advance.
• Adding new values to a relationship is the key to keep it alive. Don’t get comfortable. Keep learning and discovering the world.
• Have a voice for yourself and learn how to say no to the things you don’t want.