If You Want to Succeed in Life, Start by Owning up to Your Mistakes

Lack of self-realization can starve you of endless possibilities

I started my career with a small tech firm that provides services to larger organizations. It was the second year of my career. Things were going pretty well for me. I was getting a decent salary to live a satisfactory life. My work life was also fine.

One fine day, my manager informed me that they had to let go of me. I was devastated. It felt as if someone punched me in the stomach 100 times, then ripped out my heart.

“How could that happen? ” I wondered. “I am at least as good as the rest of the folks”

I demanded an explanation, but they were not ready to provide me one. Clueless and dejected, I returned home.

“Other folks have politicized against me”, I was convinced.

For the next few months, I was really grumpy. I did not speak to anyone. My relations with my family and friends started becoming sour.

Setting False Benchmarks

I remember the first thing that came to my mind when my manager informed me was

I am at least as good as the rest of the folks

Everything is wrong in that statement. When you set yourself to the standards of others, you are in fact setting no standards for yourself. There are two problems because of that

→ Firstly, you do not know what your ceiling is. You do not understand what you are capable of. And when you do not know your ceiling, your friend's ceiling becomes your ceiling. The work of your colleague is indirectly setting limits and goals for you. And without realizing you become a follower.

→ Secondly, following others means that you do not know what you like. When you want to code like your friend, you copy their styles, you copy their passions. Maybe you don't like to code. Maybe you are better at marketing, or maybe writing.

Listen to yourself, set your own goals.

The Blame Game

After the incident, I spent a long time blaming others for my current state. In this case, it was my manager and my colleagues’ fault that I was let go.

I was convinced that my manager had a role in that. He anyways did not like me.

Blaming the problem on someone else gives us a false peace of mind for a short time. It is a defense mechanism that helps us preserve our sense of self-esteem by avoiding awareness of our own flaws or failings.

And we have all done that knowingly or unknowingly at some points in our life.

In “Bruce Almighty” Jim Carrey spent half his life blaming God for his problems. And the blame game did not solve his problems either.

Only You Can Make Yourself Happy

Happiness is a choice,

said Jim Rohn in one of his videos.

After months of grief and anger, and reading lots of books, watching tons of inspirational videos, I recognized that no one can get me out of this rut, apart from me. Although what happened to was maybe wrong, it was my responsibility to make myself happy. My manager won't feel sorry for me. They won't come to console me.

With this changed approach, things started changing for me. I started realizing the small mistakes I made during my stay at the tech company. The times I could not solve a technical problem, the times I missed the timelines, the occasions I skipped work to enjoy a cricket match.

The blame game had blinded me of these finer details, or I may have subconsciously tried to ignore them.

I started talking to friends more. I started traveling more.

I figured that I needed to improve my development skills. I started to read and learn more. I spent hours on online courses to improve myself technically. I understood my deficiencies and slowly started working on them.

My relationship with others improved, and most importantly, my relationship with myself improved.

The moment you own up to the problems, life seems to get easier. For me, it was a vital turning point in my career. I joined a large organization in a few months. I later moved to the United States and now I work for one of the largest companies in the world as a software engineer.

Everyone encounters failures. Everyone goes through their share of tragedies. But that should not stop them from living. That should not stop them from moving on. You just have to realize where you went wrong.

“Happiness comes from you. No one else can make you happy. You make you happy” — Beyonce

Final thoughts

I am not a healer. I am not a monk. I cannot suggest anyone anything. But remember, whenever something bad happens, it opens the door to something more beautiful. I know “Shit Happens”, but Lamenting and blaming others for your life never solved anything.

Finding where we went wrong and working on it, however, does.