If You Want To Seduce Someone, Drop Seven Veils
The dance of the seven veils teaches us the art of seduction
In Oscar Wilde’s scandalous 1891 play Salome, Wilde retells the biblical story of Salome.
Salome becomes obsessed with John the Baptist, but he rejects her because he is more interested in praying — the video games/work/social media of its time.
Salome’s stepfather Herod, imprisons Salome but promises to grant her any wish if she dances for him. During her dance, she drops seven veils representing — Dreams, Reason, Passion, Bliss, Courage, Compassion, and Knowledge.
Salome’s dance so brings Herod to his knees that he tells Salome she can have anything her heart desires.
Her requested reward — John the Baptist’s head on a silver platter.
Ok, so maybe this allegory just took a creepy turn, but there is a reason why this biblical tale is as old as time. The art of seduction never changes. Here are the seduction lessons we can learn from Salome’s veiled striptease.
The Seven Veils of Seduction
In modern-day interpretations, the dancer wears seven veils and then removes each veil, ending the dance nude. Each of the veils represents the illusions we drop as we build intimacy with a lover.
Dreams
All desire begins in our unfed imagination. While reality grounds us, it is dreams where hope takes flight. The people we fall the hardest for are those who create those infinite possibilities. It’s the person who encourages us to take that trip to a distant land or brush off the novel we promised to finish. When this veil drops, we hear the unsung voice in our heads — you could be so much more.
When we dream big, we dare big. We call these people muses because they inspire us to wonder. In Greek mythology, the nine Muses were: Calliope (epic poetry), Clio (history), Erato (lyric art), Euterpe (music), Melpomene (tragedy), Polymnia (hymns), Terpsichore (dance), Thalia (comedy), Urania (astronomy).
The dreamers create an erotic juxtaposition of imagery that ignites the senses. Do we fall in love with someone in their presence or during their absence? When the mind wanders, does it travel the furthest?
Nothing stirs desire more than that playful text telling him what you plan to do to him when he walks through the door. Daydreams are the aphrodisiac of every great seducer.
“The soul without imagination is what an observatory would be without a telescope.” — Henry Ward Beecher
Reason
One of the hardest veils to drop is reason. We always make calculations and predictions in love, and those numbers don’t always add up.
Reason also often causes us to talk our way out of love. And the quickest way to bleed the life out of seduction is to have self-doubt. A master seducer gets others to see her as she sees herself. And you don’t need a pretty face and a size 2 waist to cast that erotic spell. Humans are always drawn to the uncanny.
The research is going to back me up. The pretty ones don’t always get the girl/guy. Christian Rudder, a mathematician and co-founder of the online dating website OkCupid collected data from 5000 random female profiles to determine which profiles got the most attention. He found it was not the perfect tens that got the most play. It was the women that men were most divided on — some rated them low while others rated them high. The controversial ones ignited curiosity.
His research turns logic on its head. The pretty/rich/famous ones should get the most attention. But attraction often defies reason.
“There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.” — Friedrich Nietzsche
Passion
There’s is nothing sexier than a person with passion. When love guru Esther Perel asked couples when they were most attracted to their lover, the number one answer was “when I see them in their element.”
When someone is in their element, they engage in their passion — art, music, dancing, sports, killing it in the boardroom. Perel explains that this “flow state” is when our partner is the most “elusive.”
I see a component of spectatoring in this lusty moment. When we see our partners through the world’s eyes, they no longer belong to us. They belong to themselves, the moment, the stage, and the passion that consumes them.
“Mystery is not about traveling to new places but about looking with new eyes.” — Marcel Proust
Bliss
I have a simple formula to create happiness in any relationship. Always have one short-term event to look forward to and one long-term.
Humans are built for pleasure. When we laugh together, we form bonds that transcend sex. One study found that the more a man makes a woman laugh, the more interested she becomes in dating him. Well, duh.
Humor shakes the solar plexus. It’s a form of intelligence that strengthens bonds because it forces us to let down our guard. Laughter kills anxiety.
Mark Twain said, “Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.” I saw this in my parent’s marriage. No matter their difficulties, they still laughed together like naughty schoolchildren.
That’s the power of laughter — it makes us feel childlike. Research has found that children laugh 300 times daily, and adults laugh less than 20 times daily. There’s playful wickedness in seeing the world’s absurdity. As we age, we filter out that absurdity. Let this veil fall.
“I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls.”— Audrey Hepburn
Courage
Have you ever met someone who says exactly what is on their mind? Isn’t it annoyingly refreshing? There’s a reason for that. Courage pierces the heart deeper than capriciousness.
A friend asked me recently why I chose my ex-boyfriend after three years of going on a zillion first dates and liking no one. My reason was simple. He dared to tell me exactly what he wanted. From day one, there were no games and no dating multiple people. That made him different than every other guy who made me guess his intentions.
Modern love is going through a transformation of sorts now. Women especially are tired of “hesidating” — when someone feels indifferent or unsure about dating. Mystery is sexy. Uncertainty is not.
The hesidater is never completely present. He breaks dates last minute or texts endlessly without making plans to meet. Then when you meet, he brags about his strengths but is never vulnerable enough to reveal his weaknesses.
Yeah, so that guy is boring AF. Don’t be that guy. Imperfections are what give people depth.
“Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.” — Maya Angelou
Compassion
Many single people have lost compassion. We treat each encounter as a transaction, expecting each date to check the appropriate boxes. And when we uncover flaws, we throw them away like a paper cup.
Compassionate love makes us peer into another’s soul. Transactional love never penetrates the surface.
Compassionate love doesn’t put conditions on another. When we have compassion, we don’t take our partner for granted. We create small rituals to honor our relationship, support our partners when they are down, and always make them feel heard.
One of the most damning behaviors that can starve the oxygen out of any relationship is criticizing. Sometimes what we don’t say is just as important as what we do.
My last relationship may have been ignited by courage, but it died due to a lack of compassion. In one month, I went through some of the worst upheavals of my life — my publisher dropped me, a close friend died suddenly, and my sister betrayed me in the worst way possible.
It was a rough month. And the more things fell apart, the more my ex-boyfriend pulled away. I needed someone to lean on. But when I leaned, he let me fall.
Trust me on this one. Everyone someday needs a ride to a colonoscopy. If someone can’t be your anchor during the storm, they don’t deserve you when it is smooth sailing.
“We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer.” — Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Knowledge
I always ask a simple question to men on first dates, “what book is by your bedside right now?” I ask this question because there is nothing sexier than someone who loves learning. You don’t have to be the most intelligent person in the room, but you should be the most inquisitive.
The old Dale Carnegie advice of “be interested to be interesting” always applies. But it is not enough to be curious about others. You also must cast an eagle eye on yourself.
“Know thyself,” taught Socrates — that willy seducer of minds. We can’t understand others if we don’t understand ourselves.
Without self-awareness, we fall prey to assumptions. And it’s often not our partner’s behaviors that wound, but not understanding our reactions to those behaviors. Every person has their triggers. But if we know those triggers, we can tell our partner why we feel small and helpless.
Inside every romantic fight is a fragile child screaming to be heard.
This is probably the hardest veil to drop. When we are aware of our shortcomings, we stand the most naked in front of our partners. But it’s those naked moments when we become the most seductive.
Stay naked.
“Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” — Carl Jung
