Summary

To master the art of handling people, one should avoid condemning or criticizing, instead provide honest appreciation and lead by example rather than giving orders.

Abstract

The article emphasizes the importance of nurturing relationships by avoiding negative behaviors such as criticism and condemnation, which can lead to resentment. It suggests that understanding others and offering sincere appreciation can foster better connections and encourage positive change. Additionally, the article advises that setting an example is more effective than directing others, as people are more likely to emulate actions they admire. These principles are drawn from Dale Carnegie's classic book "How to Win Friends and Influence People," which advocates for a shift in approach to improve interpersonal relationships significantly.

Opinions

The author believes that relationships are the cornerstone of a fulfilling life and that small, negative behaviors can significantly harm them.
Criticism is seen as counterproductive, as it can cause people to become defensive and dislike the critic, whereas understanding and empathy can open the door to constructive feedback.
Appreciation is considered a fundamental human need, and specific, honest praise is particularly impactful in making others feel valued and important.
The author posits that people are inspired to change through example rather than instruction, suggesting that leading by example is a powerful tool for influencing others positively.

If You Want To Master The Art Of Handling People, Avoid Doing These 3 Things

And it’s easy to adapt these behaviors

Life is all about people. No matter what you do, you need people around you to support you. I believe:

“Relationships are the most important part of people’s lives.”

Yet, we don’t pay attention to small things that deteriorate our relationships. We don’t even realize that we are doing the wrong things and it’s often too late once we realize.

I also feel that way sometimes that I am treating people right. That’s why I decided to change my behavior and make relationships my top priority.

I did not know where to start. Since I love reading books, I decided to read a book on human relationships. So I read one of the most popular books of all time — How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

It’s very difficult to summarize the whole book in one article, so I will only talk about one section of the book.

These are the things you need to avoid doing if you want to improve your relationships:

Don’t condemn or criticize people

I like the way how Dale emphasized this point using criminals. Criminals do wrong things but if you ask them what they did was right or wrong, they would say that they did the right thing, Because most criminals think they are doing the right things. And, if you try to criticize them they will start hating you.

Instead of criticizing them, first, try to understand why they committed the crime. Try to understand their point of view, only then they will listen to your criticism. We make this mistake in our life every day. We criticize people all the time.

If somebody is doing wrong things at your job, don’t criticize them instantly. Instead, try to listen to them and understand them. Then, put forward your suggestions in a friendly way. People are more likely to improve that way.

If you start criticizing them directly, they will start disliking you.

Give honest and sincere appreciation

According to Dale,

People crave appreciation and feeling of importance

I am not saying you should try to flatter people.

Honest appreciations come from the heart. For example, these are some of the honest appreciation:

“I like the way you approach any problem”

“I appreciate your help on this project”

If you can be specific then it is an even greater appreciation. It shows you pay attention to them and are invested in their life. For example,

“I like the way you do your hair”

“I watched your presentation yesterday. You did an awesome job particularly explaining………..”

Appreciation also encourages people to do better next time. So why not start appreciating people more.

Don’t tell people what to do instead show them

If you want your colleagues and friends to do better in life, don’t tell them what to do. Nobody likes to follow orders.

Instead, show them. They are more likely to follow what you do instead of what you say.

During my second year of graduate studies, I used to live with a guy from Switzerland. I used to go for a run every morning and one day he came and said to me, “I will also go running from tomorrow. Watching you go for a run every day has inspired me.”

That’s what you should do. You have to make people eager enough to do the things you are telling them. One way to generate that eagerness is to show them instead of telling them.

“People don’t follow your sayings, they follow your examples.”

Recap

Don’t do these things if you want to improve your relationships:

Stop criticizing and condemning people
Give honest and sincere appreciations
Show people what to do instead of telling them