If You Think Women Are Asking for Sexual Harassment, Let’s Put the Shoe on the Other Foot

With real-life examples.

There he was, minding his own business, when the beautiful woman sitting next to him on the branch suddenly put her hand on his thigh, slowly moved it upwards until there was no more room to go, and whispered in his ear: ‘You have no idea what this tongue can do, baby’.

Does it sound like the beginning of a sexual fantasy? When it happens in real life it’s straight-up sexual harassment.

The other day, as I was randomly scrolling through Facebook, I came across an article about a Tik Toker who inappropriately touches people in the street. And in the subway. Or the supermarket.

And then uploads the video to Tik Tok.

The Tik Toker is a woman. The targets are usually male.

And they hate every second of it.

However, this is not an article about how men also get sexually abused.

It’s an article that (hopefully) makes men understand how horrible sexual harassment is, no matter who the giver and receiver are.

Situation: a guy on the subway, minding his own business, reading the news on his phone. Suddenly, the girl who was standing in front of him drops her behind onto his lap and starts twerking on him!

Situation no. 2: She does the same in the street. There is a guy with his elbows resting against a railing, taking in the view. There she comes and dry humps him from behind.

And many more examples of the sort. The scenes are absolutely horrifying.

The guys are freaked out and try to get away. The element of shock and the way they recoil in disgust would make anyone cringe.

I feel for them.

Nobody should experience being inappropriately touched, not even as a joke. Sexual harassment and inappropriate teasing is always a bad joke. And nobody enjoys it.

Unless you’re very close friends with the person and you know they don’t mind, do not, under any circumstances, do anything that resembles sexuality in any way.

They will hate it. Even if they secretly have a crush on you, they will still hate it.

You might think it’s harmless. But it’s invading somebody’s personal space.

It’s like suddenly bursting open the door to their intimate persona and raging through their sexual living room with your dirty boots.

No matter what your intentions were, it sucks big time.

This is something that women have had to deal with since the beginning of their lives.

Just walking down the street can be an ordeal. So can wearing a summer dress. Or enjoying the sun at the beach.

Being a woman will get you sexualized in in every situation possible.

I remember all the times I jaywalked through heavy traffic just because on my side of the street there was a construction site with men dressed in nothing but dirty jeans and their own sweat.

Seems like a scene straight out of a dirty movie, doesn’t it? I considered that myself. What if the men were all buff, good-looking, and sporting incredible pecs? Would I mind the cat-calling?

Yes, I absolutely would.

And while construction sites that abound in men in tip-top shape are rare and I didn’t have the opportunity to experience it in real life, I did experience inappropriate attention from great-looking men and I hated it with passion.

Even when I might have been attracted to that guy before.

Because abuse is abuse even when it comes from someone you like.

And abuse is still abuse even when it comes from a woman.

Unfortunately, the general consensus is that men are nothing more than pervs who would do anything to get laid or involved in any sort of sexual activity.

Are they, though? No! A resounding no!

Men hate being treated as pieces of meat just as much as women do.

In the long run, we are not that different. We are all human. And we all want respect.

Although some men think they’d love a room full of women lusting after them, if they eventually get one, they are very uncomfortable with the whole experience.

But wait a second! Who are these men who ever get a roomful of women wanting them?

Strippers, for example. If you read some stripper stories about how a room of seemingly innocent, nurturing, kind, and decent women suddenly turn into a wild hoard of sexually deprived miscreants, you’ll know that extreme sexual focus would bother anyone.

You can hear the same from male music stars, who make entire stadiums of women forget their own names. They know they would be eaten alive if the hyper-sexual female crowd had the chance to get close.

That’s why they have all those bodyguards. To keep the women away.

Or let’s consider a more mundane example. My friend Aiden.

Aiden is well over 6 feet tall. He’s in his late twenties and he’s a gym… aficionado. I don’t like the word rat.

Anyway, he does everything right and it shows. He eats his chicken and broccoli religiously and he never misses one day in the gym. His body is Hollywood star-level.

But you know what’s even better than his looks? His personality! He is easy-going, friendly, never steps out of line, and doesn’t sweat the small stuff.

This will come as no surprise, but women generally like him. A lot. With some of them throwing themselves at him.

And while everybody enjoys a little attention, everybody hates it when the attention turns into stalking or abuse.

Aiden used to work as a fitness trainer in a gym owned by this woman who was very determined to get him in the sack. She was so determined that she would tell him how much she wants it, how horny she was, ask if he wants to do her in the locker room, etc.

Do you think she stopped there? Oh, no… She would also show him that she has a butt plug on and send him videos of herself masturbating.

Oh yeah, that actually happened.

Aiden hated every moment of it, although she was damn hot. He hated it because everybody hates being reduced to a sexual object. Unless previously agreed. Everybody hates overwhelming sexual energy around them, especially in an inappropriate setting, like the office, or the street, or the gym. Especially from people they are not in a sexual relationship with.

That’s why one of the things Aiden keeps saying is: ‘I don’t know how women can take men hitting on them all day long. I’m glad I’m not a woman, I’d go insane.’

Men who experienced it get it.

They get just how awful it is for women to constantly be in this position. To constantly be pestered with somebody else’s desire. Their needs, their wants, their burning loins.

Without even a question of ‘are you in the same mood’? And let me tell you this: most likely they’re not in the same mood. Not even close.

Was it Aiden’s fault that he got harassed? Was it because he kept going to the gym? Was it because he wanted to look good and he kept pumping iron and eating right all those years?

Does wanting to look good warrant abusive behavior? Did he bring it on himself because his jeans were too tight? Or his gym shorts too… short?

No, it wasn’t his fault. There is no reason to throw all your sexuality at someone who doesn’t want it, no matter how attracted to them you are.

Just like Aiden wasn’t asking for abuse, neither are all the women in tight skirts or low cleavages. They might be asking for attention or they might be expressing themselves with the help of clothes, but nobody wants abuse.

The men (and women!) who do it use it as an excuse to lay their unexpressed sexuality on anybody whose rock-hard bottoms are showing through their clothes.

And this needs to be heard loud and clear: nobody invites harassment in any way. Harassment cannot be invited through clothes, attitude, or a hot body.

Sexual harassment is abuse and abuse has no excuse.

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