If You Think Bathing in Rose Petals Will Wash Away Your Insecurities, Think Again

Self-love goes deeper than that – 4 Uncomplicated ways to help you practice

Ever gone through a period of your life where you were just feeling like crap? Your friends suck, you don’t feel good about yourself, the people at work are weird and even the work itself is draining. You just walk through life with this overall feeling of ‘blah’.

You decide to get away from it all and attend a yoga retreat in a beautiful idyllic Mediterranean village (pre-Covid) where you hope to find clarity and calm from this uneasy feeling of dread.

Only to leave a week later feeling no better than before.

That person was me five years ago. Along with doing yoga and being subject to crap vegan food (when I’m not even a vegan) the women at the retreat tried to promote self-love with the following suggestions:

• Take a bath with some rose salts
• Light lavender scented candles
• Watch a rom-com

Can you see the problem with these suggestions? They’re all scratching at the surface of self-love.

These women were missing the fact that self-love goes deeper than that.

For you to feel good about yourself you need to do things that penetrate your psyche. That go to the core of who you are, that pick up your subconscious and shake it around as if to wake you up from this bad dream called life.

After boycotting yoga retreats for a while I decided to do my own research about the ways I could improve my self-worth and have more confidence in life, to go after the things I always wanted.

4 Tools For Practicing Self-Love

Louise Hay’s ‘Mirror Work’

Louise Hay was a motivational author and founder of Hay House publications. In her book, Mirror Work: 21 Days to Heal Your Life, she asks you to repeat phrases to yourself whilst looking in the mirror and then journaling your experiences.

She says to do this because;

‘The mirror reflects back to you the feelings you have about yourself. It makes you immediately aware of where you are resisting and where you are open and flowing’.

‘I love you, I REALLY REALLY love you’ I said to myself.

For some reason this was difficult for me to say, I couldn’t even look myself in the eye whilst saying these simple words, it just felt so uncomfortable.

Louise goes one step further and says to imagine you are speaking to your inner child and that’s when the tears started flowing.

I made the realisation that we spend so much time criticising and judging ourselves that we never stop to say ‘I love you, I REALLY REALLY love you’. These words flow so easily if they were directed at a little child, so why couldn’t I say them to myself?

Over the 21 days, I repeated affirmations around releasing my inner critic, letting go of the past, building self-esteem and loving my body. I said all of these out loud in front of the mirror and gained more and more confidence each day.

Make the Simple Shift

Find a mirror, take a deep breath, look yourself directly in the eyes and say ‘I love you, I REALLY REALLY love you’. Journal how you feel, were you able to do this easily or was it confronting? Accept any feelings that rise up and come back tomorrow and do it all again.

Marissa Peer’s ‘I Am Enough’ Mantra

Marissa Peer is a world-renowned therapist and best selling author who believes that most of our insecurities stem from thinking we are not enough.

She suggests that we say and write down the words ‘I Am Enough’ on our bathroom mirror, on post-its around the house and even as a screen saver on our phones, to reiterate this point often.

The aim of doing this is to

‘Familiarise the sound of praise to yourself. The more you repeat this, the more you’ll believe it..’

I started repeating this mantra in my head whenever I could. In the mornings, in between meetings, in the middle of a spin class, before I went to bed….basically I wanted these words to fill up any empty headspace that would normally be preoccupied with negative thoughts.

After a few weeks, I noticed a slight change. I was more confident in approaching people, had no shame in asking ‘stupid’ questions or signing up for that solo hike. I became fearless, I now had the courage to do these things because I realised I didn’t have to be perfect, as ‘I Was Enough’.

When you appreciate this you become invincible. You speak up irrespective of the outcome, you take risks knowing that you might fail and you keep going anyway. You get out of your comfort zone and start experiencing life like never before.

Make the Simple Shift

Start by taking some lipstick and write the words ‘I Am Enough’ on your bathroom mirror and say these words every morning whilst brushing your teeth. To go even deeper, read Marissa’s book ‘I Am Enough; Mark your Mirror and Change Your Life’.

Pick 2 Traits you Like About Yourself and Gloat About Them Constantly

I’m not sure where I found this piece of advice but this is where my self-love journey started. It was such a small step that made such a huge impact.

I used to hate having my picture taken. Any photo that people would show me would be greeted by me doing a ‘puking face’ action, exactly like the green emoji. That’s how insecure I was about my appearance.

So I tried this piece of advice and came up with the following traits I sort of liked about myself;

• My smile — I have perfectly straight teeth since my parents had paid thousands for braces
• My hair — I’m genetically blessed with thick wavy hair

Every time I’d go to brush my teeth or my hair I would rave about how perfect they were, how white my teeth were and how healthy my waves were.

In the beginning, this was tough because I didn’t believe it but after a while I got used to it.

This daily gloating then snowballed into how blessed I was to have a healthy body, a loving family and a roof over my head. Without knowing it, my gloating sessions had turned into gratitude sessions and slowly things started to change.

I started looking better in pictures, I was becoming more confident and comfortable in my own skin, no matter how I thought I looked.

No more ‘Puking face’ emojis. I’d never do that in reaction to a picture of someone else, so why the hell was I doing it to myself?

Make the Simple Shift

Focus on an area of your life that you are not happy with, career, relationships, finance. Chose two traits in that area you like about yourself. If you’re having difficulty figuring this out, ask a friend what they think your best qualities are.

Humbly brag about these traits in your thoughts or speak beautiful words about them constantly and notice what this does to your self worth over time.

Stop Comparing your Life to Instagrammers or Anyone Else for that Matter

‘Comparison is the thief of joy’ — Theodore Roosevelt

It’s easy to scroll through Instagram and look at the wonderful lives influencers lead. It makes you wish you had that hot soul mate and were sailing around the Amalfi coast together. Or that you were an exceptional entrepreneurial mother who can do it all; 3 kids, a beautiful house and the perfect partner, all without breaking a sweat.

Often the ‘influencer’ can also be closer to home, they could be a friend, sibling or work colleague you envy.

Either way, comparing yourself to others is the quickest way to deplete your self-worth.

Gabby Bernstein, a New York Times best selling author and motivational speaker, outlines the best way to deal with this:

‘Instead of choosing to see what they have as a reminder of what you don’t have…. chose to see it as a reminder of what you are creating’.

Let what others have inspire you to create the life that you want.

She goes on to say that ‘Wanting more for others requires that we release the block of comparison’ that keeps us stuck and prevents us from moving forward.

Make the Simple Shift

Being AWARE of how the comparison makes you feel is the first step to improving your self-worth. When you’re aware that you’re feeling resentment or discontent towards people who have what you want, it’s time to change your way of thinking.

Genuinely wish people well in their endeavours, compliment or praise their successes as often as you can and with that knowledge that blessings are also coming your way.

When you know your self-worth you have the perfect foundation from which to leap off into the unknown to pursue your dreams. People’s reactions no longer matter and you’re free to be whoever you want to be.

Please utilise any one of these tools if you are feeling like sh*t, they are simple and free to implement. You won’t see instant results, but just like with anything in life, growth is a series of small actions taken over time.

This self-love thing never ends, it’s with us all our lives and it’s up to us to constantly improve and grow.

‘It’s about letting others love us even when we feel unlovable because their version of us is often kinder than our own’.

— Ester Perel

We also need to remember that you truly ‘only know yourself through your interactions with others…’ — Ester Perel

So get out there and show the world what you’re made of!