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Abstract

st their favourite shoe/toy/blankie or done the last minute homework that was forgotten about and then presented them to the other parent, upon their return, as good to go.Meanwhile in those precious ‘learning hours’, those mothers/care-centric partners have slugged down probably a luke warm cup of coffee/tea, grabbed a slice of often burnt toast — doing too many things at the same time, gotten dressed, checked for chocolate handprints on their chosen clothing, put on laundry, cleaned the kitchen, folded laundry, made or packed kid-lunches, packed school bags, written the school note for the day, checked what they need for dinner or even started dinner prep, responded to some sporting event on the kid calendar — all before attending to their kids for the day. And only then, once they’ve handed their children over to dad, school, care, etc, then they get to attend to their own jobs, careers, etc; to lean-in so to speak. And then it’s all done in reverse when they get home.How easy it is for people not to see that?Or frankly not to want to see that.Why? Because it’s messy, it isn’t terribly sexy and certainly isn’t what people are aiming for when they’re starting their careers, startups, working lives. Or telling you how successful they are. After all, all that work sounds tiring. And very distracting and the last thing you want is something/anything eating your focus on being successful. But that’s what happens EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. in bazillions of households across the world.Seriously, when you really look at it like that, who wouldn’t want an hour of quiet deep-learning, peace and meditation every day instead of that fraught busy onslaught of dealing with children EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.But we need it to happen — every day. The world’s children need it to happen every day. Just like you needed it to happen every day when you were a child.<h2 id="c3fd">Uncelebrated learning hours</h2>When you have a child AND you’re largely in charge of its care/feeding/emotional management the majority of the time, and you get that child through to adulthood mostly intact, well fed, educated, with a modicum of social skill with which to navigate the world, etc you’ve executed one of the most difficult jobs ever.You’ve gained uber-deity-level skills in food service, time management, scheduling

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, sophisticated money management, English, Maths, Biology, costume design, sporting management, socialisation, psychology, negotiation — all of which you’ve had to learn along the way — almost always with no handbook or scheduled time to learn. It’s learn on the job all the way, baby.In fact, by the time you get your kid to high school, you’ve probably well and truly earned your 10,000 hours of elite skill development according to Malcolm Gladwell.<h2 id="cfe8">The real question is…</h2>Why is no-one quoting mothers on any of what they have to say? Or their great learnings about life? Seriously? Why not? I want to know.Why are we not holding up mothers and care-centric partners as the folks that have really shaped the world. Everyone has had one*. Even Warren Buffet; and Edison and Buddha presumably. Someone had to do the early job of teaching them everything they needed to go on to live lives and develop the smarts to have us all quoting them.Life is much, much easier, when you’ve had someone else prepare the way for you.So why aren’t we quoting those people who have cleared the way and raised humanity? Really? Why?Just because Susan Smith or Shannika Jones, mother of two in Arizona or New York or London or Capetown or Suva or Sydney, or John Gross, stay-at-home-dad of four in Geneva, isn’t well known, doesn’t make their contribution any less valuable to society as a whole. Who knows their kid might even be the next big thing.We need to start really recognising the impact these people have on all of us and the world in general.*Sure there are some truly awful mothers out there, but the vast majority have put their heart and soul into raising their kids.Thanks for reading my work. I’d really appreciate it if you gave it a little clap or comment. That way, maybe someone who really needs to read this will have a better chance of seeing it.Want to support my writing and thousands of other writers on Medium — especially if you’re looking to be a writer? Think about subscribing. You’ll get access to every story whenever you’re wanting to read them — it’s just $5/mth — waaaay less than a week’s worth of coffees. Now, that’s good value. You can <a href="https://medium.com/@KristinAustin/membership">subscribe here</a>.</article></body>

If you really want to excel at learning

Become a mother (or the majority carer parent)

So I just read yet another a piece on setting aside an hour each day to learn. The writer mentioned that this was what some of the top minds do every day; people like Warren Buffett, Bill Gates, Charlie Munger & Oprah. I’m sure you could add a heap of people to that list — Aristotle, Marcus Aurelias, Buddha, Confucius, Edison, et al— plus all the other folks we usually see quotes from. All very smart people. However…

I. AM. VERY. OVER. IT! Big sigh!

Here’s the kicker, none of these people have ever had, or seriously put time into looking after their own children. They either didn’t have kids or they had wives or staff to do it for them.

Now I’m not saying unless you’ve had kids, you can’t excel. Of course you can.

But consider for a minute, how much easier is it to find/spend an extra hour reading, practicing, refining, etc your chosen art/hobby/interest when you’re not confined by the constraints of a three year old hanging off your leg; or an eight-year old reciting how bored they are every five minutes; or an angst-ridden teen needing a hug/advice/or fighting with you because it takes their mind off things for a bit.

Lots of advice says get up an hour earlier. Really? As a parent of young kids that would be 3–4am because they’re often awake at 5am (if you’re lucky). Call me silly, but I quite like sleeping at that hour.

And I’ve seen lots of people (almost always men) talk about their morning routines that begin with them meditating, working, studying, writing, going for a run, cycle, gym class, etc and then sometimes, walking their child to school or care. How lovely for them to want to spend quality time with their child.

Except their wives/partners have gotten those children up, dressed, fed them breakfast, dealt with the temper tantrums because they didn’t want to wear green that day or because they lost their favourite shoe/toy/blankie or done the last minute homework that was forgotten about and then presented them to the other parent, upon their return, as good to go.

Meanwhile in those precious ‘learning hours’, those mothers/care-centric partners have slugged down probably a luke warm cup of coffee/tea, grabbed a slice of often burnt toast — doing too many things at the same time, gotten dressed, checked for chocolate handprints on their chosen clothing, put on laundry, cleaned the kitchen, folded laundry, made or packed kid-lunches, packed school bags, written the school note for the day, checked what they need for dinner or even started dinner prep, responded to some sporting event on the kid calendar — all before attending to their kids for the day. And only then, once they’ve handed their children over to dad, school, care, etc, then they get to attend to their own jobs, careers, etc; to lean-in so to speak. And then it’s all done in reverse when they get home.

How easy it is for people not to see that?

Or frankly not to want to see that.

Why? Because it’s messy, it isn’t terribly sexy and certainly isn’t what people are aiming for when they’re starting their careers, startups, working lives. Or telling you how successful they are. After all, all that work sounds tiring. And very distracting and the last thing you want is something/anything eating your focus on being successful. But that’s what happens EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. in bazillions of households across the world.

Seriously, when you really look at it like that, who wouldn’t want an hour of quiet deep-learning, peace and meditation every day instead of that fraught busy onslaught of dealing with children EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

But we need it to happen — every day. The world’s children need it to happen every day. Just like you needed it to happen every day when you were a child.

Uncelebrated learning hours

When you have a child AND you’re largely in charge of its care/feeding/emotional management the majority of the time, and you get that child through to adulthood mostly intact, well fed, educated, with a modicum of social skill with which to navigate the world, etc you’ve executed one of the most difficult jobs ever.

You’ve gained uber-deity-level skills in food service, time management, scheduling, sophisticated money management, English, Maths, Biology, costume design, sporting management, socialisation, psychology, negotiation — all of which you’ve had to learn along the way — almost always with no handbook or scheduled time to learn. It’s learn on the job all the way, baby.

In fact, by the time you get your kid to high school, you’ve probably well and truly earned your 10,000 hours of elite skill development according to Malcolm Gladwell.

The real question is…

Why is no-one quoting mothers on any of what they have to say? Or their great learnings about life? Seriously? Why not? I want to know.

Why are we not holding up mothers and care-centric partners as the folks that have really shaped the world. Everyone has had one*. Even Warren Buffet; and Edison and Buddha presumably. Someone had to do the early job of teaching them everything they needed to go on to live lives and develop the smarts to have us all quoting them.

Life is much, much easier, when you’ve had someone else prepare the way for you.

So why aren’t we quoting those people who have cleared the way and raised humanity? Really? Why?

Just because Susan Smith or Shannika Jones, mother of two in Arizona or New York or London or Capetown or Suva or Sydney, or John Gross, stay-at-home-dad of four in Geneva, isn’t well known, doesn’t make their contribution any less valuable to society as a whole. Who knows their kid might even be the next big thing.

We need to start really recognising the impact these people have on all of us and the world in general.

*Sure there are some truly awful mothers out there, but the vast majority have put their heart and soul into raising their kids.

Thanks for reading my work. I’d really appreciate it if you gave it a little clap or comment. That way, maybe someone who really needs to read this will have a better chance of seeing it.

Want to support my writing and thousands of other writers on Medium — especially if you’re looking to be a writer? Think about subscribing. You’ll get access to every story whenever you’re wanting to read them — it’s just $5/mth — waaaay less than a week’s worth of coffees. Now, that’s good value. You can subscribe here.