If You Often Feel Triggered, Your Inner Child Might Be Talking To You
Are you ready to listen?
Sometimes, you find yourself inexplicably triggered by something or someone.
You respond differently than you normally would.
You respond in a way that is disproportionate to the situation.
You find yourself asking, why does this trigger me so much? Why do I suddenly feel a huge wave of overwhelm, anxiety, worry, or frustration?
Am I just being a baby?
Well... maybe you are.
But don’t fret—we all experience it once in a while (unfortunately).
I know I do.
Luckily, there is an explanation for it (and hopefully, a solution).
We might be unconsciously channeling our inner child.
What is an inner child?
An inner child is the child you once were, and with whom you might have lost touch while growing up.
While some people might have experienced joy and playfulness throughout their entire childhood, others might have experienced some neglect or trauma that follows them to this day.
When we bury issues from the past, they might come up in our adult life in subconscious ways. For example, you might get triggered by some events or some people, that others respond calmly to.
In such situations, your inner child is asking for attention by throwing an internal (or not so internal) ‘tantrum’, triggering you to feel overwhelmed, anxious, stressed, or frustrated.
It is being asked to be seen and to be acknowledged.
The BEAR model
We carry issues from our past in the beliefs that we hold about ourselves, life, and the world around us.
So when a particular circumstance occurs, we might react differently due to those beliefs that we hold.
Beliefs shape our thoughts. These can be either positive, leading to empowering beliefs, or negative, leading to limiting beliefs.
Our thoughts then create a certain feeling in our bodies.
Then, our feelings and thoughts lead to corresponding actions that represent those feelings and thoughts.
These actions shape our reality, and that reaffirms the beliefs we have.
We say things like, “See, I knew this would happen. This always happens.”
Why I’m explaining this model now, is that this model is interestingly linked to those times when we feel triggered and our inner child comes out.
Our inner child and our beliefs
So as we have seen above, our beliefs and thoughts come from our past experiences. This might result in positive thoughts, or in negative thoughts, depending on the experiences.
On average, we have about 60.000–70.000 thoughts a day, and our thinking often starts moments after we wake up.
Most of the time, we are not even conscious of what is playing in our minds.
This type of thinking is called automatic thinking.
It’s the thoughts that run around your mind automatically without having to put in any conscious effort.
90% of these thoughts are the same as the ones you had before.
However, if you have beliefs that are negative, this thinking is often negative too.
This is the case for a lot of people, as 80% of our daily thoughts are negative.
And as we’ve seen in the BEAR model, negative thoughts can lead to negative actions, which shape a negative reality.
“A man sees in the world what he carries in his heart.”
So how are beliefs and thoughts linked with your inner child?
Well, according to research, the inner child is identified when you observe and report your automatic thoughts. This means that your automatic thoughts and your beliefs are your inner child.
These thoughts are just the inner child revealing themselves to you.
So to recognise, acknowledge and calm your inner child, you must observe your thoughts first.
Two modes
Fortunately, we are not always in ‘child mode’.
We also experience moments of calm and feel relatively okay or even good about ourselves and the world around us. It is in these moments that we feel in control and tend to have a good understanding of the circumstances.
This mode is also called ‘adult mode’.
In this mode, your problem-solving skills are up to par and you tend to process information more objectively and clearly.
Even if things turn out differently than you expected, you do not (completely) lose self-control.
We are often in adult mode before and after events that trigger us, and our child mode arises when we feel triggered by something.
The degree of how often and how much you feel triggered depends on the person, and on their beliefs and past unresolved issues that might still be influencing their lives at this moment.
But for those of us who feel triggered regularly, there are ways to self-soothe and heal, so we can experience fewer turbulent child modes and more steady and calm adult modes.
Embodying the adult mode can in turn help change our automatic negative thinking by putting us in a state of mind where we can work on resolving our negative beliefs and focusing on positive thoughts. This can lead to more positive emotions, actions, and more positive outcomes.
“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”
A way to heal
There are plenty of ways one could soothe their inner child.
However, I found the method that this article suggests very interesting.
According to this article, we can practice externalisation as a way to self-soothe and heal our inner child.
Externalisation is a technique that focuses on the event that triggered the child mode, as opposed to focusing on the past memory that triggered it.
Focusing on the past memory can also be helpful, especially if you want to understand the root of why you get triggered.
But that is another practice, for another article.
In the externalisation practice, you imagine that the way you reacted to a situation is actually your inner child in you, and you place this inner child externally on a chair next to you.
Think about how old this child is.
Then, think about how this child is feeling. How can you help it? What does it need?
Tell it what it needs to hear. Notice how it makes it feel (e.g. relieved).
The purpose of this practice is to make your inner child feel cared for so that it can calm down and let go. Only then can we exit the triggered feelings of inner child mode, and enter adult mode again.
Only then will we be able to solve problems again.
Summary and final thoughts
When we feel triggered, we might be experiencing our inner child. We enter a so-called ‘child mode’.
These triggers often come from our beliefs that we have picked up somewhere in our lives. These are often negative and lead to negative thinking, negative emotions, and negative actions.
By healing our inner child, for example by using the externalisation technique, we can get triggered less and less and embody our calming and problem-solving ‘adult mode’ more often.
Embodying our adult mode can help us work on resolving our negative beliefs and help train our brains to think more positively. So in the end, we will live life the way we actually want, and experience little to no triggered negative emotions or ‘tantrums’.
What do you think of this perspective on the inner child? Do you think the externalisation technique could be helpful to soothe and heal yourself?
Leave a comment below, or send me a message on Facebook or Twitter. Let’s connect!
As always, thank you for reading this article. I hope it brought you some helpful insights and an empowering practice to start your healing journey, wherever it is you’re at.
❤ J
Disclaimer: This article is written for educational and awareness purposes only. Always seek professional help if you need help in this process, and/or when things get too much.
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Bio 🙋🏻♀️
Jelena is a former academic researcher. She has a Master’s degree in Health Care Management and she did research in the social sciences, specifically in the areas of healthy behaviours and behaviour change. Now, she is a freelance content creator and writer, writing about topics such as self-improvement, mental and physical health, and productivity. With her work, she aims to inspire and empower people to overcome their challenges and embody their best selves.
