If You Must Pick One… Choose Attractive Over Beautiful

You will get used to a pretty face but not a playful sense of humor.

Merlin's beauty stroked my ego… I felt good being seen with the likes of her.

Her face and figure were taken straight out of the boy's fantasy.

Yet kissing her was a terrible mistake…

Her slanted, piercing eyes had more colors than my RGB gaming keyboard. Her high-boned cheeks and expressive lips gave her the absolute runway model look.

We used to sip wine and have honest conversations in my dorm room.

"I am thinking of having a big tattoo that says 'Good Enough' on my thigh" — She told me once.

Despite Merlin's exceptional beauty, she craved validation like an addict to the fix. She let the world dictate her self-worth by the size of her breasts and the volume of her lips.

She didn't just want to inflate both. She felt the need to.

Despite her engineering master's degree, her spirit was broken, and her eyes were conquered.

She was a mess internally.

I kissed her, and I felt every bit bad about it. We never spoke a word since.

A year passes, and I am sitting across this east asian rosy-cheeked girl with a round loaf bread face. I was mesmerized by her, but not because of her looks.

But because I was laughing my a** off!

She was selfless.

The type that would say something silly only to embarrass herself but still laugh at herself for saying it.

On weekends, Merlin would hitch rides home half-drunk with shady men from the club. While Sofie snuggled in her PJs at home, reading books.

We would cocoon together, listen to lo-fi music, read books, or have the best conversations over exotic teas.

She was honest, empathetic, and polite.

I've spent two incredible years of my life with her.

Beautiful vs. Attractive

Here are my own definitions:

Beauty is what you see when you look at the person.

Merlin's black jeans and her drop-dead straight hair, for example.

Attractiveness is what you feel when you experience the conduct of a person.

Sofie's tone of voice, kindness to the homeless, and warm affection.

First impressions my a**

Humans are wired to make snap judgments based on looks. But are they reliable?

I don't want you judging the man that I am by how much money I make!

So why would I go about my life judging women's characters by their looks?

People aren't a piece of paper to judge by face value. They are much more complex than that.

Just because we are subtly taught by society to do that or biologically wired to make shortcuts, that doesn't mean they are accurate.

We have a name for these snap judgments.

It's called bias.

Do you know what being biased towards people leads to?

It is stereotyping at best and racism at worst!

Beauty is temporary; Attractiveness is forever.

I get it. You can always pop on a lovely dress, wing an eyeliner, and rock your black high heels to look stunning now.

But what about 15 years from now? 30 or even 50 years from now?

I am not against looking your best, prettiest self.

Go ahead, rock on.

But never let it rob you of fostering attractive qualities.

Those things are hard and take time for a very simple reason:

Their appeal -unlike beauty- is universal and timeless.

Kindness, empathy, and a positive attitude will get far better returns over the course of your life than any short-term external "investments."

You will get used to a pretty face but not a playful sense of humor!

Don’t look the part... Be the part!

When everyone follows the same beauty standard, it becomes challenging for me to distinguish the true man/woman you are.

Working on our inner qualities fosters authenticity in us that brings our true colors to light.

People are drawn to genuine personalities.

I can't have honest conversations with unauthentic people; It drives me mad how the conversation never seems to leave the surface level.

How can I learn from you and grow if I can't have a fulfilling conversation with you?

Nothing is more fulfilling than having a lasting positive impact on the people around you.

“People are the currency of life“ — Jim Carry

If you have to pick one... Go for attractiveness over beauty.

Self-absorption in beauty standards takes away from our ability to become people of substance.

Seek beauty and never neglect it. It's a remarkably empowering thing.

But don't front that bill by ignoring to work on becoming a genuinely enjoyable person to be around.

Finally, for the men who feel the need to visit their barber once every week to impress women, heed the advice of a queen:

“If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything.” — Marilyn Monroe