If you Feel Like Your Relationship is Making You Less Independent Read This

Build a strong relationship while maintaining your independence

There’s nothing wrong with spending copious amounts of time with your partner; it’s perfectly normal to ask your partner for advice and to lend a helping hand whenever they need it. It’s also OK to include them in your life plans; however, if you feel like you are totally losing yourself in the relationship, you might need to step back and re-evaluate.

I understand that feeling of being fully immersed in a relationship that I lose sight of my true self as a result. I let go of my independence to wholeheartedly lean into this other person, this extension of myself, my “boyfriend” or life partner.

I recently had an in-depth conversation with a friend who owns and manages a life coaching consultancy business. She gives people advice on how to manage their lives, their relationships, and their finances. We spoke about relationships and how sometimes relationships can consume us and leave us feeling less independent. She said:

“Relationships shouldn’t be two people agreeing to lose their independence. Relationships are about two independent people agreeing to be partners, independent, and still connected to the other person.”

It is essential to enter a relationship as a whole person; well, this would be the case in an ideal world. However, this is often not the case, and many do embark on long-term relationships feeling lost, scared, and alone. Once they fully immerse themselves in the relationship, they become codependent and less independent.

The notion that when you are in a relationship, the other person always needs to find ways to make you “happy” is a dangerous one. Your happiness is not the full-time job of your partner; it’s up to you to live a fulfilling, purposeful life on your own; the other person is there to enhance what you already have.

Are you reading this and feeling like you have lost your autonomy in your relationship? Well, keep reading.

Set Your Own Big Goals

You probably have goals already, but sometimes when you get into a serious relationship, you can lose sight of those goals and start focusing on your partner’s plans instead. If you feel like you are losing your independence, set some new goals, some big goals. Aim high and set some targets that will push you to focus on taking the necessary steps to achieve those goals. Put your heart in it, spend time with your partner, and set dates for nights out and weekends away; however, prioritize your goals and self-care.

Make a list of your goals and plans, put them on a vision board, speak them into existence. Live and breathe them.

Have Your Own Friends

Instead of mingling with your partner and his/her friends, hang out with your own friends more often. If you don’t have friends, get some! Go online and join meetup groups, inject some meaning into your life by meeting new and exciting people. Your partner should not be the be-all and end-all of your life.

Put Yourself First

I struggle with this one; I am a giver, and I love to put other people before myself; however, this can be a recipe for disaster. Putting your partner before yourself and neglecting your own needs will only leave you feeling cheated, neglected, and fed up. So prioritize your self-care and love on yourself some more. You deserve it!

Financial Independence

Financial independence is a big one! Are you relying on your partner for financial help? Stop! Get your own, do your own thing, and get your independence back.

Set Boundaries

Set boundaries in the relationship and with friends and family too. Value the word “no.” Sometimes you have to say it and release the guilty when you do say it. I often feel guilty when my partner says he wants to spend the whole weekend with me, and I have a goal for the weekend to finish 30,000 words for a project I am working on. Instead of focusing on the weekend project, I give in and spend the weekend with him instead. Monday morning rolls around, and I have a mammoth task on my hands! Nah, sis! Set those boundaries- no questions asked!

Bottom Line

Being in a relationship is blissful; it is tempting to put your all into the relationship and put yourself second or leave your dreams on the wayside because the other person’s goals take center stage. However, losing your independence when you are in a relationship is the worst thing you could do.

Love your partner, give them the attention they deserve, love yourself more, and give yourself the attention you deserve. Prioritize self-care, work on your goals, develop yourself, and start working on being the best version of yourself.

I am currently doing 30 articles in 30 days, this is day 17.

Read day 16 here >>>>Essential skin nutrients