If You Don’t Put Yourself First, No One Else Will

Self-care is more than facials.

It’s an ubiquitous principle of life.

In personal finance, if you don’t pay yourself first, no one else will.

After you get through paying all your bills and other expenses, paying loans and subscriptions, buying “essentials” and gifts for others, you’ll have no money left for investments in yourself.

If you don’t treat yourself, you can’t expect others to be willing to treat you.

If you don’t take the first moments of your day to work on yourself, to enrich your soul and mind and body, they will be given to other people, other responsibilities, other things.

But when you make the choice to put yourself first, other people will notice that. You’ll emit magnetic energy. If you tell the world you’re a person of high value, they’ll put you first too. If you’re important to yourself, you’ll be important to other people too.

People are afraid of putting themselves first because they fear being labelled selfish. No one is going to call you selfish for taking care of yourself, and if they do, who cares?

I’d rather be called selfish by people who have given up control of their lives and happiness to others than be in their place.

Me first, me first!

Children love and cling to the idea of being first at something. The coveted position in classroom jobs is the “line leader”. Being called on or picked to be in a group first gives the child a certain sense of superiority or recognition over the other children. It gives them pride and self-worth, to some extent.

As they grow, children learn ways they can be put first. Speaking louder and moving faster — more extroverted qualities are valued in school, and thus extroverts tend to achieve more than their introverted peers.

As an introvert navigating school and family life with three younger siblings, I learned “my place” quickly; I was rarely picked first, and when I was it felt fraudulent. I never showed any excitement at being picked first like other students because I had given up on seeking external validation.

Years later, I realized that if I didn’t validate myself first, no one else would. I didn’t need to be the center of attention or “popular” to be valuable, I just needed to value myself.

Before then, I had spent so much time putting everyone else in my life before myself in so many ways. After I realized I had to start putting myself first, everything changed.

My confidence grew. I began to speak and think positively about my intelligence, my capabilities, my personality and my appearance. It was a new experience in so many ways.

But I had never realized that I didn’t want to put myself first because I didn’t feel like I deserved it. I let people walk all over me, copy the work that I spent hours on, take advantage of my time and money, and then dispose of me once my services were no longer needed.

It was only when I learned to conserve my energy, to prioritize my own needs and desires over that of others, that I made peace with my identity and saw value in myself.

Soon after, others began to see this value in me too. I stopped feeling sorry for myself and began to practice gratitude. I began to attract wealth, positivity, happiness, and gifts. Negative people fell out of contact with me. My friends thought higher of me and we learned from each other.

How-to

Putting yourself first begins with looking in the mirror and reflecting on your reflection. Notice what you see.

Think about the person you want to be. Now look at the gap between the two images — what is it going to take for you to get there? Don’t let the gap overwhelm you, let it inspire you. Every day you can be closer to your ideal self through simple practices.

Think about what you want to change and create an action plan for getting there.

Do you want to be more calm, relaxed, and peaceful? Take up meditation as a daily practice, go on long morning or evening walks by yourself, and find ways to pamper yourself. Enrich your spiritual life with books and prayers. You don’t have to spend too much money or exert too much energy, but the goal is to take care of yourself, so you should focus on doing whatever it takes to become a better, more relaxed you.

Do you want to be physically stronger, healthier, and energetic? Look into your current diet and exercise regimen. Begin climbing the mountain to get to the body and lifestyle you want to have. Make it sustainable — fad diets don’t work.

Do you want to be financially stable? Look at your spending habits and study the investment practices of the wealthy. Design the life you want to have, and live it.

Anything you want, you can have. It all starts with putting yourself first. It’s as simple as saying no to what you don’t want, and yes to what you do.

First, you have to stop attending to other people’s needs long enough to look in the mirror and notice that you’re neglecting your own.