If You Don’t Mind, Then It Doesn’t Matter

Here’s how to train your mind to cut loose and enjoy every situation.

Our mind is like mercury — slippery and difficult to contain. On some days, it’s fun and frolic, while on some days, it seeks solitude and isolation.

Our mind is weird and incomprehensible. It makes small things look big and vice versa. This fact proves that the complexity of the problem depends on how the mind perceives it.

“Age is a matter of mind over matter, if you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”

~ Mark Twain

If you pay attention, there’re plenty of things in life to worry about — people’s habits, loud music, level of cleanliness others maintain, unsolicited advice, or even noticing your own grey hair. But, on the other hand, if you don’t pay heed to them, they don’t bother you.

So, the above quote isn’t just accurate for the life counter; it’s valid for many things in life.

But why don’t we keep things simple?

Why some days appear to be hunky-dory while similar kinds of situations on any other day drown us in stress?

You Chain Down Your Brain With Boundaries of Acceptance Levels

You forgive your roommate for a cluttered room but not for forgetting your birthday.

You forgive your partner for “wet towels on the bed” but not for missing milk on the grocery list.

These situations might not be accurate but are just tiny examples of how we draw boundaries of acceptable levels. Some things we tolerate while some things we don’t. On the contrary, we forgive everyone for any mistakes whatsoever when our mood is cheerful and elevated.

Doesn’t this signify that the impact of the external situations depends on how we feel inside?

It’s we who have chained down ourselves by deciding what to forgive and what not to. We have mentally decided what we must let go of and whatnot. So, people don’t regulate us.

Sometimes, people don’t even notice that they committed a mistake. But we hold it in our minds against them. We make a mental note of it and use it against them in brawls to denigrate them.

But, even after taking all these troubles to remember and give them back, does it make you feel peaceful?

Perhaps no.

Not only it spoils the relationship, but it affects your mental health. People may/may not change themselves for their entire life. However, that doesn't mean you must lose your peace of mind every time.

What you can do:

Have 100% tolerance for other’s mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes; everyone has weaknesses. Just like you’re tolerating theirs, they might be tolerating yours. Silently.

So, be patient when someone is suffering from shortcomings. It might be possible that shouting, annoying, insulting, etc., has become their habit. Even they might be unaware of it.

As much as habits are tough to form, they’re the toughest to break. So, have sympathy for them. Make them realize their mistake with a caring attitude. Don’t correct others with an attitude that, “I am right, you are wrong.” Everyone is correct according to their understanding and mental ability. If someone talks a lot, they might be suffering from mental chaos — human psychology.

Besides, no one likes to change because you don't like that habit. People change because they realize a need to change. So, make them aware of that need. Explain to them the benefits of changing.

By adopting this kind of sympathetic behavior, your mind will stop going rogue. Other’s mistakes will stop bothering you because you have ignited a more powerful emotion of love.

Love is more powerful than hate/irritation.

Train your mind to be calm for that one moment (when you notice something unfavorable), and you’ll save yourself from unnecessary moments of stress.

You Take Everything as an Insult

Someone advises you — you take it as an insult.

Someone is rude to you (because he/she is not in a good frame of mind) — you take it as an insult.

Someone has a self-centered attitude — you take it as an insult.

Someone is short-tempered — you take it as an insult.

However, no one is deliberately insulting us (most of the time). Instead, it’s we who create a negative feeling of getting offended. Some people might argue that getting offensive is a way of protecting their self-respect. I say it’s not.

Self-respect itself means respecting your own self. If you respect yourself internally, you’ll not be bothered by anyone’s ill remarks. You’ll clearly understand that what others say about you is not true. You believe that other’s opinion is not a tool of self-evaluation. As a result, you talk to yourself nicely by rejecting all the negativity and rubbish people have to throw at you.

What you can do:

First of all, program your mind that other’s opinions or perceptions have nothing to do with me. It’s about them. When people are mentally disturbed, their response becomes likewise. So sift your mindset from “getting hurt” to identifying with their pain.

You always put water to set off the fire. Likewise, perceive an angry person or a faultfinder as fire and yourself as an extinguisher.

Start counting your strengths or praise yourself when someone criticizes you. This technique will empower you to stay unfazed, and nothing will bother you.

You Take Everything Personally

Someone tailgates you — you get annoyed and irritated.

Someone rejects you/your work — you spend an entire day hurling abuses and sulk.

The group does not accept your point or idea — you feel like a failure.

These situations occur too often. But, since these situations arise almost daily, does it mean we must lose our patience and peace of mind every day?

If we do, it signifies that we’re weak. A weak mind gets disturbed easily.

However, if we stop taking things personally, we might save ourselves.

What you can do:

First of all, stop attributing your emotions/feelings to situations. Erase the mindset that, “Others must talk to me nicely, People must obey me, Everyone must respect me, etc.” You have no control over any of those scenarios. But if you feed a new program in your mind that, “I will cooperate with others, I will help others, I will respect others irrespective of their status/position/behavior.”

Adopting these mindsets will subtly empower your mind to remain unaffected by uncertainty. Also, you’re dissolving all the expectations from people; that makes you stronger.

Suppose someone tailgates you give him/her the way. Think that he/she might be having an emergency — a flight to catch, a hospital situation, etc. I know it’s false. But when the mind believes in this lie, it will generate peace within. You’ll notice that road rages or similar incidents are not affecting you anymore.

You can do it with failures/rejections. Make your mind believe that you didn't fail. You just discovered a new fact about yourself. Who knows “failure” better than me. I could not find employment for two years — had no roof over my head in minus forty degrees and no penny to buy food. But my adversities made me realize my strength.

So, try to find at least one lesson from your troubled times. When you develop the habit of finding good in bad, your mind will shift from chaos towards peace.

Concluding Thoughts

Life is hard. I wouldn't deny the fact. But if you mind your mind, everything will fall in place. Situations may not change for the better, or good days may not come soon, but you’ll surely feel better if you know how to tame the monkey mind.

Your energy flows where you focus your attention. So stop focussing on things that suck your energy.

And remember….if you don’t mind, nothing matters that much!

So, this week at Spiritual Secrets, it’s your turn to share how spiritual knowledge about the “mind.”

Tagging some of the brilliant minds to invite them to share their wisdom with us.

Bernadette DeCarlo Chris Carter Ravyne Hawke Paul Mulliner Gurpreet Dhariwal Patrick Paul Garlinger 𝘋𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘢 𝘊. Lanu Pitan Roxana Anton Kevin Doberstein Shreya Badonia Indubala Kachhawa Ramandeep Singh (नूर) Ruchi Thalwal Ana-Maria Schweitzeria A J.D. Ranade Manasi Diwakar Vishnu*s Virtues Rhonda Skinner Alan Lew Kendra Lavelle Claire Elaine Vanessa Ozigbo Suryatapa Varun Jain Shirley Willett Julene Cole Sharon Brandon (Readywriter59) Ivette Cruz Afiyah The Poet J.D. Ranade Isha Tewari Srivastava Elies Hadi Michelle Berry Lane Julene Cole Beth Stormont Jamie Golob Judy J Lutz Chelsea London Vedanth Maheshwari Kimberly Fosu Tima Loku Jasmine Soumana Artemis Inks Amy Jasek Warren Bischoff Khyati Jain Vishié Ricky Lyman Chelsea Cristoffor Wolfie Bain Johannes Mudi Avis J. Williams Pene Hodge Wonder Compass: Mindful Journeys of Art & Nature Keith Hill John Green Aaron Quist Anya Light I. Trudie Palmer Emily Jennings LS Laura Culberg K. Barrett Penofgold Dr. Preeti Singh Abhay Srivastav Dean K Miller Chris Dungan Krishna V Chaudhary