Work
If You Don’t Match the Vision: Leave, Stay or Get Out of the Way
Make a decision
“Either we’re a team or we aren’t. Either you trust me or you don’t.” ― Ally Carter
Don’t get your ass whipped numerous times to discover you were the only one unhappy with the situation.
In life, sometimes you are somewhere where you don’t belong.
I was eleven when I learned I had choices when I didn’t want to follow the vision of the team.
My first vision mismatch was when my friends and I formed a Protection Group. I lived in the Chicago projects. Boys were always trying to grab at our panties or sexually assault us in stairwells and elevators. It was dangerous and unpleasant to be a girl walking alone.
When four of us girls joined forces and started walking together and carrying baseball bats, the boys left us alone. Mostly. They preferred easier prey.
I recognized that I didn’t fit the vision when we robbed an older woman of her food stamps as she was trying to get up the stairs to her apartment. Next, we attacked an older girl, took her lunch and her money. We were officially a gang. Nope, not my vision.
In life, sometimes you are somewhere where you don’t belong.
My choices were simple.
1. Stay and try to change the direction of the group.
2. Leave.
3. Get out of the way.
I went with one. I got my ass kicked numerous times before I persuaded the leader I was a better choice for a leader. Beating up others was no longer one of our goals.
The new vision lasted exactly one day before there were no members in my lame gang except me. What I didn’t understand was that others loved the vision; I was the oddball. I was the one that did not want to be a full-on girl gangster. I wanted to be a nurse, not a gangbanger.
The female gang bangers I saw did not appear to be doing very well. They attached the female gang members to a male gang — used as needed. Either for sex or drug mules or to take the blame for the men.
“Your beliefs become your thoughts, Your thoughts become your words, Your words become your actions, Your actions become your habits, Your habits become your values, Your values become your destiny.” ― Gandhi
I stopped and thought about this situation. I couldn’t leave. My mom would not move because my friends were not doing what I thought they should do. Plus, I would get a whipping for sure if I told her I had joined a gang.
The thought process sent me back to action 3: get out of the way. So, I did.
I didn’t join in their reindeer games, but I didn’t stop them, either. I was powerless to change their behavior, and I knew it.
This object lesson served me well in the future. As an adult, when I was in an organization where I didn’t match, I would decide what I wanted to do then act.
Leave, stay, or get out of the way. Knowing your choices makes life easier, but it doesn’t make it any less painful.
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I can be reached at https://www.tonicrowewriter.com/
