If You Don’t Have a Dream, Consider Yourself Lucky

Advice on overcoming the anxiety and pressures of dream-chasing, and being okay with where you are

We see it every day. Our social media feeds are bombarded with ads on how to make a crazy amount of money doing this trick or that trick. Twenty-something-year-olds showing everyone how they achieved financial success, making six figures in a year’s time. Everyone is doing it. Everyone wants it.

Where’s your marketing video? How about your YouTube channel?

The pressure to achieve some level of success within a certain timeframe has been a part of life for generations in the U.S. We’re supposed to chase our dreams and know what we want to do with our lives straight out of high school, or at least before we’re thirty. Right?

If so, I’m sixteen years behind schedule.

My ex-husband was one of the lucky people who knew exactly what he wanted to do in his early twenties. His parents paid for education to become an audio engineer, and he eventually smoodged himself into an internship at a prestigious recording studio in Manhattan.

After traveling the world with various artists and working on albums, he settled down to raise a family and took a permanent position at an arena in Atlanta. Thirty years after beginning his career, he still says he doesn’t work for a living.

He’s one of the few that knew what he wanted and made it happen. With the six kids between us, he has always preached following your dreams and not living by societal standards. He’s a great guy, and pushing others to follow their dreams is all well and good.

But what if you don’t have any?

The truth is that not everybody has dreams to follow and feeling like you should, can cause way more harm to our mental health.

If you’re struggling with the anxiety of not having your own “how to succeed in…” marketing video, you’re not alone. Here are some words of wisdom to assure you that you’re right where you’re supposed to be.

If you’re not constantly focused on climbing the mountain, you have time to enjoy the view

My oldest daughter just turned thirty. Over the past ten years, I’ve watched her suffer from immense anxiety and self-esteem issues over not knowing what she wanted to do with her life. Being the step-daughter of the audio engineer made it even more difficult as he would always emphasize finding a career where you do what you love and you never have to work…you know the rest.

Although she had passions such as environmental issues, hiking, and music, she could never really envision a career in any of those fields. She wanted to travel, but she also wanted to stay near her family. Since she couldn’t see herself as the brave, charismatic, go-getter that her step-father was, she felt like she was letting him down.

The pressure began to isolate her from her own family as she stopped wanting to attend family gatherings, and I eventually asked my husband to stop telling her to chase her dreams because it was causing her mental health to suffer. Of course, he never understood my reasoning.

How on earth could knowing that you could do anything in life that you wanted to do, cause mental anguish?

Well, if you haven’t discovered your life’s passion, then you know exactly what I’m talking about.

In an effort to ease my daughter’s anxiety, I told her it was okay to have a normal “job” to make a living. One that would allow her to clock in and out and leave her work world behind, would also allow her to focus on what she loved in her spare time. Whereas, those who are self-employed dream-chasers are usually required to give most of their waking hour’s attention to their business, and having very little time to pursue other interests.

In that aspect, she was actually one of the lucky ones.

It’s okay to make money one way, and do what brings you joy on the side. Either way, you’re still doing what you love.

Temporary disconnection: take a digital vacay and step away

Despite all its benefits of keeping people connected, social media has become one of the most dangerous entities in the deterioration of our most recent generations’ mental health.

Back before social media, I actually felt like I was doing alright. Comparing your life to everyone else on the planet wasn’t a thing. We were only expected to make a living enough to support ourselves and our family, and maybe have a little bit saved in a retirement account.

We generally weren’t aware of what those in other economical classes were doing, and therefore, were quite content just succeeding in our own. We also didn’t feel like we were required to put our lives on display for strangers to judge.

At forty-six years old, after all my accomplishments, I still feel ridiculously inadequate after an hour of scanning social media. Watching the advertisements on my newsfeed and the success stories of millennials and even Gen-Zers, makes me feel I should have done so much more with my life.

I should have written at least three books by now.

Although I realize the necessity of social media, especially with regards to marketing as an entrepreneur in this day and age, I still suggest taking a break every now and then. See how much better you feel when you only have the timeline of your own life to judge. Pay attention to how far you’ve come, and be proud.

You don’t have to have a talent to make your mark

My youngest daughter went through a phase where she worried about her lack of “talent”. Her older siblings had a natural aptitude for drawing and the visual arts, as well as the seemingly natural way they quickly learned to play musical instruments.

As much as my youngest tried, she just couldn’t manage to be as good as her siblings in any area of the arts. Having come from a fairly creative family, she was constantly comparing herself and wondered about her purpose.

She had one thing they didn’t though, and that was the ability to foster and nurture relationships.

Her older brother and sister are notorious for not answering texts and calls. As introverts, they sometimes disconnect from the world for brief periods of time as most creatives do, shying away from confrontations and needy or emotional friends in order to recharge. As a result, I often get frustrated messages from their friends and family asking if they’re okay and wondering why they don’t respond.

My youngest is the opposite in that arena. She enjoys being available to those who are experiencing emotional upheavals, and goes out of her way (literally. she drives for hours) to help others. She’s the one that makes it a point to stay in touch, and people love her for it.

The other kids are actually envious of her ability to maintain relationships.

Over the last year since graduating high school, she’s realized that her talent doesn’t lie in the things she can do and create, but in how she treats others. She knows she has something that her siblings don’t: the patience and strength to be emotionally and mentally available to those in need.

If you don’t think you have a “talent” that you can use to be successful, consider what you are good at. It may actually be what some people need the most. Every artist needs inspiration — be that inspiration.

If you can’t find the one thing you love, do them all

Much youngest son is a polymath, much like his mother. We are both insatiable learners and are continually striving to master new skills in various fields. I’ve been a radiographer, a real estate agent, an accountant, and most recently, have finally started down the road to becoming a writer like my brother and father.

We see something that has been done that looks interesting, and we immediately tell ourselves that we can do it too. It’s a ridiculous, self-challenging mindset that rules our lives.

As a result, we are forever coming up with new ideas for projects or businesses, and having to explain to our questioning family and friends about our new endeavors. While we do manage to succeed in some of them, most of them fall flat.

My son is only twenty-one, and the pressures of his generation have also weighed very heavy on him to succeed and pick a career. With interests in graphic design, cars, entrepreneurship, and tattooing, he may never have the attention span or desire to do one thing for the rest of his life. And that’s okay.

The beauty of multipotentiality lies in knowing that you can do pretty much anything you need to, and having a versatile skillset can allow you the ultimate freedom, and multiple streams of income.

Don’t succumb to the pressure of needing to pick just one niche in life. Limiting yourself will only interfere with your happiness.

Final thoughts

Success comes in different forms and at different times for each of us. For those that are still struggling to figure it all out, rest assured that you’re not falling behind. Even those that look like they’ve got it all together are still learning, and most people change their goals multiple times in life. To help you get through the societal pressures of dream-chasing, keep the following in mind:

• Consider yourself lucky if you don’t have a dream to chase. You have plenty of time to try new things and do what you love without it becoming a chore.
• If you feel like you’re not measuring up, detach from social media for a while and concentrate on recognizing your own personal successes.
• Remember that personal success isn’t in what we can do to impress others, but what we do to inspire and help those we love.
• If you’re still on the path of discovering what you’re good at, don’t limit yourself. It’s great to have multiple skills and options.

I’ve learned that I don’t need to find one thing that makes me successful, and I’ll continue to learn and dabble in whatever makes me happy. I may not have written my book yet, but at forty-six…

there’s still much left to my story.