If You Could Call Someone Dead
Who would you call, and what would you say?
I read in the news the other day that in Bayswater (Western Australia), a public phone was installed to help people reach those that are not with us anymore. The phone is not connected to any line, it is symbolic, and the primary purpose is to allow them to contact someone who passed away and help them remember, grieve, or say goodbye.
It was a short story on the news, half a page or something like that. But kept me thinking for a while. Who would I call? What would I say? What would I ask?
I am 35 years old, and I am at that age where grandparents are almost all dead. Parents, uncles, and famous people that I grow seeing on tv are dying or starting to get sick. And of course, a significant proportion of my age relatives are alive. Therefore my list of dead people is not extensive.
I am lucky enough to have my both parents alive. And to be honest, I am not too attached to family, so I am not sure if I would use the phone for them.
Therefore, I think that to decide who I would contact, it is essential to know the purpose of that phone call. About what I would like to talk about with someone dead?
If I want to talk about myself, I will probably contact my grandma. She was an amazing woman who took charge of her seven kids (including my mom) alone after her husband died at 40. And survived more than ten brain strokes in her life, dying at 85 years old. She was the type of grandma you don't see anymore, raising their kids and grandchildren; everyone respected her, her word was the last. She even bought a house on the beach with the only purpose to keep her seven kids and almost twenty grandchildren together every summer. She was the fundamental pillar of the family.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t say goodbye before she died, and considering I lived with her a big part of my childhood, I would love to talk to her and let her know she did well and that I have a great life.
If I would like to talk to someone that left me suddenly would be my uncle Mario. He was like a dad to me. My father was an alcoholic and not a great person. So my uncle Mario almost every weekend, would go to our place to take my mum, my sister, and myself out of there. He was awesome. He used to play the guitar and sing. He was great at the barbecue, always playing with my cousins and me. He will take us for a walk every morning on the beach through the hills or the sand in summers.
Unfortunately, he died very young from an aneurism when I was seven years old. And I couldn’t say goodbye.
If I would like to contact someone to say sorry, I would grab that phone and call a university colleague. She committed suicide in our last year of University while doing our internship. We were not friends or anything like that. But the day of her funeral, I made the conscious decision to go to the office rather than be there with the rest of my friends. That decision has hunted me for years. Not for the relationship or the person, because I prefer to go to work rather than be present in that situation. That talked a lot about my priorities at the moment, right?
To be honest with you all, I think this phone idea is therapeutical. And this exercise in thinking about who I would call and why helped me realise that I should spend more time talking and calling the ones that are still here with me rather than thinking about the ones already gone.
I can do nothing about them, but I can do everything for the ones alive. Mainly because I live far from them in another country, so I never know when will be the last time I will talk or see them.
In summary, my takeaway is to commit myself to spending my time wisely keeping my connections with people, ensuring that I need to use that phone.
