If You Are an Introvert, Then Be That.
You can stay on your path, open up your world, and be that.
“So stay true to your own nature. If you like to do things in a slow and steady way, don’t let others make you feel as if you have to race. If you enjoy depth, don’t force yourself to seek breadth. If you prefer single-tasking to multi-tasking, stick to your guns. Being relatively unmoved by rewards gives you the incalculable power to go your own way.” — Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking
Being an Introvert is Different Than Being Shy.
Many people believe they are the same and tend to use both labels interchangeably, and not in a complimentary way. Our culture has a built-in bias against both traits. Although there may be similarities, they are very different.
Being Shy can be painful. Thus, the description of someone as “painfully shy.” It has its roots in a fear of being criticized or called out for saying or doing something “wrong.” Or bullied, or laughed at, or teased. It’s a hard box to climb out of — shyness can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Bottom line — it’s easier to just be shy, stay quiet, and take your place as a wallflower at the dance.
On the other hand, being an introvert is about feeling comfortable working on your own. You might be a wonderful speechwriter but you certainly don’t want to stand up and give the speech! Speaking to a crowd would drain so much energy from you that you would feel completely depleted.
It’s Possible to be a Shy Extrovert or a Not Shy Introvert!
Wait, what? For example — Bill Gates is quiet and bookish, but apparently unfazed by others’ opinions of him: he’s an introvert, but not shy. Barbra Streisand has an outgoing, larger-than-life personality and battles with a paralyzing case of stage fright: she’s a shy extrovert.
We have all been subjected to the alphabet tests — Myers-Briggs, Enneagram, DISC — and the magic 4-letter answer is: INFJ, or ENFP, or whatever. Turns out that the Myers-Briggs test was developed in the 1940s using the theories of Carl Jung. However, a 2015 article in Vox tells us that
About 2 million people take it annually, at the behest of corporate HR departments, colleges, and even government agencies. The company that produces and markets the test makes around $20 million off it each year. The only problem? The test is completely meaningless.“There’s just no evidence behind it,” says Adam Grant, an organizational psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania who’s written about the shortcomings of the Myers-Briggs previously. “The characteristics measured by the test have almost no predictive power on how happy you’ll be in a situation, how you’ll perform at your job, or how happy you’ll be in your marriage.”
And we all get a label and are led to believe that it is an identity to live by, without any suggestion that it’s just a suggestion.
We come by our personalities through a combination of nature and nurture. The tendencies we are born with can be affected by how we are treated by our parents, siblings, childhood trauma, and the friends we make (or don’t make). It’s possible to work on the issues that make you feel stuck with your label.
As we get older, it’s possible to work on shyness without giving up on being an introvert. It involves taking some risks, but you can choose the risks carefully. You don’t have to say “I’m going to a rave tonight, and I’ll let them hand me across the top of the crowd, and that should cure me.” That would probably just send you directly into permanent hibernation.
How about, “I’m going with a friend to a poetry reading tonight, and during the social hour I’m going to reach out to two people other than my friend. After all, we will all be there because we love poetry.” Easier, Peasier.
When you are feeling like it’s time to take a risk, just remember this picture because this puppy is going with you!
Don’t be afraid to take a chance when meeting someone new. It could be the key to a better life. Psychology Today
And once again, with feeling — If you are an introvert, then be that. You can stay on your path, open up your world, and be that.
