If Women Weren’t So Weak, They’d Be Less Offended by Abuse

In the words of a fellow woman on the internet.

Isn’t it just fun being told that the way you’re coping with harassment and abuse is entirely wrong?

Isn’t it a fantastic feeling to have a complete stranger invalidate every emotion of injustice, because anything other than not giving a flying f*ck is an incorrect reaction?

Isn’t it just peachy to have someone who doesn’t publish a single vulnerable story online lecture you in how you should feel about personal attacks in the comment sections of you work?

Because there’s no better expert in a topic than someone who has no personal experience in it.

“If you possess true conviction and hold strong, be open and kind, then you will no longer care about what they have to say.”

So, just so I get this straight Random Lady on the Internet, because I care at all that means I don’t have true conviction? And I am neither open nor kind?

Because, according to your logic, if I had “true conviction”, I wouldn’t be triggered when someone denies the authenticity of my sexual assault and my story, despite them not having been there?

If I was “open”, I wouldn’t be offended when someone says my trauma and PTSD are of my own making through being so hysterical (rather than the inflicted result of something that was done to me)?

If I was kind, I wouldn’t be horrified when someone says I deserve to be raped over and over again for having the gull to suggest victims should be believed?

Do you even hear yourself, lady?

Stop shaming women for being horrified by written attacks and threats.

Words are words — whether they’re screamed in my face, or written in seething comments, they’re digested similarily.

I’m going to be horrified when someone tells me I deserved my sexual assault.

I’m going to be disgusted each time someone tells me that women have a rightful place, and it’s below men.

I’m going to be infuriated when I see racism directly playing out in action — because racism kills.

Violence against women kills.

Plain old ignorance kills.

I give a sh*t about that fact — and there’s no reason I should be ashamed for it.

In fact, I’m proud to be an activist and feminist.

Not only am I proud of it, but I believe it is my social responsibility as a global citizen to be them.

I do not live by the philosophy that I should only be out for myself — I know the undeniable power of people coming together in understanding to share life together through authentic community.

And there is legitimately nothing wrong with that.

Caring does not make us weak. Caring does not make us incompetent. Caring does not make us lesser-than writers and readers.

It makes us the passionate, outspoken and fearless people we are today, and there is nothing about that fact that is shameful in any way.

So please, stop shaming women for being passionate about equality and justice.

The world would go to sh*t without us (any of us!) fighting for a better tomorrow.

To not care doesn’t make you strong — it makes you complacent in the face of prejudice.

This is exactly the philosophy where toxic masculinity derived from — that strength is void of feelings, compassion and empathy.

“Strong women don’t have feelings.” “Strong women don’t care about what people have to say.” “Strong women just don’t give a f*ck.”

I call complete and total bullsh*t on that.

In a lot of ways, to care and act in the face of injustice is a lot harder to do, any day of the week.

It’s far more comfortable to look away and pretend you didn’t notice.

It’s far more comfortable to continue on with life without getting involved.

It’s far not comfortable to stay silent when someone in your life makes a racist comment.

It’s far more comfortable to keep to your planned schedule, rather than disrupt it to stand up to injustice.

You’re not a hero for not being bothered by sexism, racism, discrimination and any form of abuse.

You get NO gold star for that.

Your choice to be complacent in the face of the horrors of the world is not something that impresses me in the slightest.

If women don’t support fellow women, we’re all totally screwed.

There’s nothing that disappoints me more than a fellow woman shaming others for how they deal with and confront injustice in their day to day life.

The world is hard enough out there for us women — even if we don’t agree on everything, we at least need to stand together in solidarity.

Rather than tearing a fellow woman down, why not uplift her?

Sure, if a woman’s actions are directly racist, sexist, discriminatory or abusive, call that behaviour out. That’s your job as a citizen of this world, playing your part to make our existence better.

That is a great reason to call someone out.

But please don’t waste precious energy lecturing and shaming women for how they choose to process the abuse they’ve encountered in their lives.

That is such a waste of time of truly precious energy — it hurts my heart to see such a waste.

That passion and energy could go towards supporting survivors who are advocating for justice following their violations.

That passion and energy could go towards protesting over 400 years of oppression and systemic abuse that has been killing Black people in the streets at horrific rates.

That passion and energy could go towards supporting other women in their struggles.

Final word.

The world is hard enough for women out there.

We truly, truly need to be standing with one another through the injustices of the world.

Even if you have not experienced the same situation or trauma as a fellow woman, you can still have empathy and compassion for what they’ve been through.

I am a privileged, White woman — but I don’t believe that racism against POC doesn’t exist because I haven’t experienced it myself.

I would NEVER tell Black people that if they were more loving, or positive or possessed “true conviction”, then racism wouldn’t affect them and they wouldn’t care about it.

Black people are being killed every single day because of ignorance and racism being so incredibly rampant.

To claim that a “positive attitude” can completely wash away any discrimination or prejudice is true privilege in action.

And that is frankly not a good enough reason to try and tear others down who are just trying to process their own traumas and open healthy dialogue about struggles that are being silenced.

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