If Trump was a Programmer
His excuses would be as ridiculous as his press briefings
This article was originally published on my Substack, Humor Bytes.
A lot of programmers love making excuses. Calling them lazy or inexperienced would be harsh as we can’t really identify them with stereotypical archetypes.
Maybe the best person we could recognize them with is our President Trump. Or rather if Trump was to build a product for a software development firm someday, he’d come with following excuses in the scrum meetings just like he does in his daily press briefings.
In the early stages of development
Folks, we’re making the most efficient, bug-free product the world has ever seen.
When the first bug was reported
There aren’t any bugs. It’s a hoax.
When a serious flaw gets detected
Okay, there is a bug. It was the Chinese developer’s fault. But this would miraculously go away. Don’t worry.
When new issues gain limelight
The glitches in the product would be fixed shortly. We’re very much in control.
When the internal testing starts
We’re doing a great job. The scale at which our team has been conducting tests is incredible. No one has ever done it.
When things start getting delayed
The previous team left us with nothing. We started off with a bad codebase. There were a lot of broken tests.
When the CEO asks what were you doing for a month
A lot. I’ll give you a list of the things we did. But you know, you’re fake.
When the product fails
I’ve always known the bugs were real. This wasn’t going to work. But I wanted to give you hope. I’m not a negative person.
