If This Is Real

Summary

"If This Is Real" is a reflective poem exploring the themes of recurring dreams, identity, and reconciliation with past emotions and relationships.

Abstract

The poem "If This Is Real" delves into the surreal experience of recurring dreams where the narrator finds themselves back at school at the age of 42, grappling with the dissonance of their adult identity in a childhood setting. The narrator reflects on the confusion between dreams and reality, the resurgence of doubts during sleep that vanish upon waking, and the confrontation with unresolved feelings towards their father. The poem suggests a yearning for communication and understanding, as the narrator attempts to bridge the gap between the dream world and waking life, questioning the true nature of the self when asleep and awake.

Opinions

The poem conveys a sense of uncertainty and existential questioning, as the narrator ponders whether their doubts and fears are a part of their conscious reality or merely nocturnal illusions.
There is an underlying theme of regret and missed opportunities in the relationship between the narrator and their father, highlighting the emotional distance that dreams attempt to bridge.
The narrator's internal conflict arises from the duality of their identity, being both "the boy who never shared" and "now the man," suggesting a struggle with self-perception and maturity.
The poem implies that dreams may serve as a means to confront and possibly resolve unspoken concerns from waking life, although these insights are fleeting and often lost upon awakening.
The use of the school setting as a motif represents a return to formative experiences, hinting at the idea that the narrator is seeking to understand or rectify aspects of their past.

A poem about recurrent dreams

I was out of work And back at school Even though I’m 42 I hesitated at the gate Better never than always late.

The teachers waited in the class In waking worlds those days have passed When I was there All was well I’m back again But I can’t tell.

If this is real Or I am wrong I thought those doubts Were all long gone I couldn’t tell you Why they’re here When I awake They disappear.

Or do they hide From open eyes? Or do we fail To realise? Or will our sleeping self despise What we become When we arise?

I caught sight of my father’s face Emotion that I could not place Silence from which I should learn About his unspoken concern.

About the boy who never shared Who thought his father never cared I go to tell him it’s a dream But sleep leaves and he disappears.

In waking hours I’m not sure Of what I was and what I saw Of where I stand and who I am Still the boy Or now the man.