If the E Street Band Were the Avengers, Which Avenger Would Bruce Be?

These are things I ponder

In my most recent Sunday rant, I made the following statement:

With any luck, this will cleanse my overloaded brain and allow me to start a new week with a clear head, able to produce those hard-hitting, intellectual stories you all love so much, like “If the E Street Band Were the Avengers, Would Little Steven Be Thor or Hulk?”

It was a line intended only to ensure I mentioned both Springsteen and Marvel in an article about neither; it’s kind of my trademark. Ever since I wrote it, however, I can’t stop thinking about it. Would Little Steven be Thor in such a scenario? He is certainly one of the Big Three in the band (actually Big Two as far as notoriety goes, since Clarence Clemons’ passing).

It raises an even bigger question. Would Bruce himself be one of the Avengers, or would he be more like Nick Fury. The Big Three Avengers (Iron Man, Captain America, and Thor) are pretty much equals, and I would include Black Widow as well. Springsteen, however, stands alone. There is a reason it’s Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band, and not just the E Street Band. He is not first among equals, he’s just first.

I went away for a minute to ponder this and have decided to include him for reasons that will be obvious.

That long intro out of the way, here is my list of which Avenger each member of the E Street Band would be. Given that Cap said “Avengers Assemble” to the whole group at the end of Avengers: Endgame, I am including all MCU heroes as possible choices, not just the original six. I will also be including Clarence Clemons and Danny Federici, though both founding E Street members have crossed to the far shore to jam with the other greats we’ve lost. As Bruce said in the Big Man’s eulogy: “Clarence doesn’t leave the E Street Band when he dies. He leaves when we die.”

Bruce Springsteen: Iron Man. It should come as no surprise that I would match Bruce with the man I defended as the greatest Avenger. Whether we’re talking about the character of Iron Man/Tony Stark or his actual portrayal by Robert Downey Jr. in 2008’s Iron Man through Endgame, if there was no Tony/Iron Man/RDJ, there would be no Avengers and the MCU would be a discount version of DC. In the same way, no Bruce, no E Street Band. Case closed.

Clarence Clemons: Hulk. When your nickname is The Big Man, when you are a force of nature, when you overshadow everything you encounter, you are the Hulk. There were apparently plenty of times when their tempers matched each other, though most of the time Clarence was as easygoing as Bruce Banner, but with charisma.

Steve Van Zandt: Captain America. Besides being a champion of the outcast and marginalized, willing to wade into any battle he feels needs to be fought, Little Steven is like Cap in that he is the one voice (besides Mrs. Springsteen, of course) who can actually sway Bruce even after his mind is made up.

Max Weinberg: Thor. Thor once said “Fortunately, I am mighty;” Weinberg’s nickname is “Mighty Max.” Thor is the god of Thunder; Max’s drumming brings the thunder to every Springsteen record or show. This was probably the easiest pick of all.

Roy Bittan: Doctor Strange. The man Bruce calls “The Professor” is quite simply a magician at the piano. He seems quiet and unassuming, but throw him in front of those keys and he is a wizard. You want him with you in a jam, as evidenced by the fact that he’s the only member of the band Bruce kept with him during his early ’90s hiatus with a new group.

Patti Scialfa: Black Widow. The talented Ms. Scialfa (also known as Mrs. Springsteen) does not get the Black Widow slot because they are both female. She gets it because like Natasha Romanoff, she had a career long before joining E Street Nation in 1984 (in music; as far as I know Patti was never an assassin). She brings a very specific set of skills to the mix, not least of which is apparently playing den mother to a bunch of overgrown kids.

Nils Lofgren: Falcon. He’s not one of the original E Streeters, having arrived in 1984 when Steve Van Zandt briefly left the band. He filled that void expertly while carving his own place in E Street lore, much like Falcon has done since Cap handed him the shield. Plus, onstage Little Steven/Cap is almost always on his left.

Garry W. Tallent: Hawkeye. This pick will not surprise any of the Tennessee Terror’s fellow bassists. Like Hawkeye, they are usually overlooked unless they screw up or are missing completely; Garry, Hawkeye, and bass players everywhere deserve better.

Danny Federici: Loki. Why does the band’s original keyboard player get matched with the only anti-hero on this list? Because in his younger days with the band, Danny could raise some hell that surpassed even Clarence. There were times where you just weren’t sure whose side he was on, just like Loki. Plus, Loki is cool, and so was the man Bruce dubbed “The Phantom.”

There you have it, my “what if the E Street Band were Avengers” musings, as well as evidence that I may have too much time on my hands. Tune in next week when I match characters from The West Wing with their Star Wars counterparts. Actually, that’s not a bad idea.