If Programming Languages Were High School Teachers
A little comedy to brighten your day
Programming is being increasingly taught in high school computer science courses at schools all around the world. It’s left me wondering, what if we turned the tables around?
What if the programming languages being taught in classrooms became the teachers instead? Which programming language would teach what?
Let’s find out.
Java: the geography teacher
With his slogan being “write once, run anywhere”, Java is all about globalization. Name any place in the world, and you can bet Java has been there.
It’s no wonder this language would thrive as a geography teacher, spreading his knowledge in classrooms all around the globe.
Python: the literature teacher
Python is a language that expresses itself with so much clarity and concision, some might mistake this angel for pseudocode. Helping people improve their communication skills is something Python could achieve with his eyes closed.
Teaching English is the perfect job for him.
Objective-C: the history teacher
At only 32 years old, this language has already been replaced by her parents’ new child, Swift.
Objective-C is becoming history already, so it’s no wonder this programming language has taken up a genuine interest in the subject that she hopes to share with the world. After all, if Objective-C manages to keep history relevant to the new generation, maybe she’ll be able to keep itself relevant too.
Swift: the physical education teacher
Speaking of Swift, here it arrives, swiftly. This programming language has a name that implies he’s super-fast. In reality, though, he has nothing on languages like C ++, Rust, and Ada.
Physical education teachers have the unique ability to train students that are perhaps more skilled than they are. Swift noticed this and knew then and there that this was a role designed for him.
JavaScript: the art teacher
Having been used both behind the scenes and up on stage in the front-end, this programming language is extremely talented. Music, art, drama: you name it; JavaScript can teach it.
Dealing with thespian students is in fact what JavaScript does best (he routinely has to deal with people who pretend to be something they’re not (**cough cough** HTML/CSS pretending they’re programming languages**cough cough**).
Assembler: the math teacher
The assembler language takes all higher-level programming languages one step closer to the machine code that a computer will use to perform a bunch of arithmetic and logic operations.
No other programming language exists that could explain math better. She was simply the obvious hire.
C: the computer science teacher
The computer science teacher: that one teacher all other programming languages wanted to be but knew they couldn’t because no one can compete with C.
My pronouns are “she” not “her” because I could never be her.
C is the classic star who knows how to stay relevant through inventing new personalities (C# and C++) and retaining her position as the fastest programming language in wide use today.
Thank you for reading! If you have any more ideas about the subjects a programming language I’ve missed out on would teach, please feel free to share! If you’re looking for more articles like this, check out the following:
