If I Were Jessica Wildfire, Maybe I Would Have An Hour
Sometimes we do not have an hour and the privilege to really be here
Lately, I’ve been reading many articles about wellness, adulthood, and everything else about life. Besides these, rare are the occasions when I stumble upon beautiful stories and the ones where I feel so grateful for the existence of that writer.
But, this is an ocean of so many fish, and the good ones are rare to catch.
And, well, if we don’t read stories, if we don’t get out into the world, if we don’t truly live. What are you going to write about?
Has this sentence made you feel pressure to stop doing whatever you are doing with your life and start living your best version?
This could be the title of a random article here. Pardon my French, but it’s so easy to put these words out there, it seems.
It is so easy to say, “eat this,” “do this sport,” or to create an empty motivation that honestly only drives me nuts:
“Don’t come to me and tell me you can’t find an hour of your day to read that book; or to write here on Medium…”
These articles can be inspiring, and I’m not saying that. But they imply some “toxic” pressure that sometimes we don’t need, and then they annoy me.
Why?
The answer is simple.
They make me feel like I’m not doing enough.
- I’m not trying hard enough;
- I’m not working sufficiently;
- I’m not taking any yoga classes, or exercising enough;
- I’m not reading all the books on my bookshelf, that I was supposed to;
- And I’m not doing whatever I’m supposed to be doing with my life.
These articles not only make me anxious, but they also trigger in me the thought of another word so in vogue: privilege.
“Maybe I shouldn’t complain so much, after all, I am quite privileged compared to the people around me,” my inner voice says.
Yes, I am privileged to have a job. But is it such a privilege to teach online, to sit in a windowless office, where I spend my days, from nine in the morning until seven at night, with only an hour for lunch, so fascinating?
Of course, being a freelancer is spectacular, but am I really free when my conscience won’t let me be?
I’m on my lunch hour right now, between cooking, eating, and laying out clothes, and I’m here writing and mostly trying to make sure that I leave my teaching job one day and that Medium is my primary source of income. To dream of becoming those “unfluencers” like Jessica. Who doesn’t know her? You go girl, you’re everywhere, and good for you.
Classes over, I have a house to clean, dinner to organize, and it’s time to give the body some rest.
Every hour of my day seems to be determined as soon as the day begins.
And even the time for rest doesn’t seem to exist.
So it seems that even leisure should be productive.
That leisure is not about doing anything, but instead that I should be doing yoga, reading a book, or buying a book, or whatever is but sleeping and doing nothing at all.
And among so many obligations that I’m probably putting on myself, I come to relax, grab the computer to read — is Medium leisure or obligation? — and find myself reading as if they are shouting out:
“Araci, you should be doing sports, in a few years your bones will suffer, and you will have problems walking.”
But how can you ask someone who works full time, in a society where the air we breathe any day is taxed, to have an hour to do all that?
“Oh, don’t tell me you don’t have an hour?”
“The truth is, no! I really don’t have an hour.”
But I can buy time by not working an hour, and it’s an essential thing from economics class.
But can I afford to buy myself an hour?
Am I that privileged then?
Could I afford the privilege of leaving my job, dedicating myself to the Medium, and making the big bucks that some people make here?
No. I am not Jessica Wilfire, at least not yet, but nor am I willing to be, not like her at least.
But hey, I would not mind dropping any word, whatever it may be, and having had thousands of reads in a few seconds.
She doesn’t need to submit her work to any publication, she is her own publication. She is free to put her work out there.
We all would like that: to have the time. Come on, admit it! How amazing that would be?
Hello, I’m Araci, a female writer from Portugal navigating her thirties. If you have enjoyed this article, maybe you would like to buy me a coffee here https://ko-fi.com/joanaaraci
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