CANCER/BLEAK PROGNOSIS

If I Were Her, I’d opt for Hospice

An old friend’s dilemma

I’m going to visit her soon, as she’s home now from what was an intensive, grueling surgery, but I’ve wrestled with the very idea of seeing her. You see we’ve barely seen each other in maybe twenty years. No phone calls, no lunches out on the town. We have been together at a wedding and a funeral, but that’s it.

She and I met and got to know each other years ago because her husband has been close friends forever… They grew up in the same small town where they met in elementary school and played sports together for the remainder of their school years and they’ve stayed close friends. We used to go camping with them and we’d drop in on each other a lot without invitations. And back about 30 years ago I worked a temp job at a printing shop where she was working on her 24-year career there. Nothing happened, we just drifted apart.

You could say we’re old acquaintances now, but I’ve decided I want to see her before she starts fighting this cancer demon as the battle plan her doctors have said she should start sounds daunting.

She’s about to endure 6 weeks of radiation, followed by 3 separate rounds of chemotherapy spaced only weeks apart. The doctors have said without this she may live a year at best. With the treatments, they told her some have made it 5 years. She’s 69 and the demon is stage 4 brain cancer.

She’s decided to fight it…

It was discovered just a month ago when she went to her doctor complaining of severe headaches that began suddenly. I was surprised she even noticed them as her health has been failing for the past 30 years to the point where she was finally diagnosed with Lupus maybe a decade ago. Before that, and for as long as I’ve known her, she’s had severe allergies that incapacitated her so much she had to retire when she was only 56.

When my husband gave me the latest news, I just shook my head not only because it’s sad, but also because for years I’ve been hearing about her various illnesses from my husband, who hears it from her husband; but this latest news struck us both as a ‘finality,’ whether she fights it, or not. We won’t be surprised if she doesn’t make it through this regiment of treatments so that’s why I’ve decided to visit her.

Of course, I feel bad for her and her family and we know all their kids too, but — and here’s my crux, I don’t agree with her decision to fight this.

Yes, I know her decision is a courageous one and many think we should fight for as long as possible to live for our families blah, blah, blah; but really?… I wouldn’t do it. Not at this age and not if I had her health problems.

The way I see it, my overall attitude about fighting stage 4 cancer is negative and that has brought me to write this. I want to see if I’ve become overly fatalistic, or am I being too negative, or is my viewpoint one that others find rational? So kindly fasten your seatbelt while I share my pragmatic mind…

By the age of 70 life is not a bed of roses. It’s more a fight to stay active, productive, and positive despite a variety of problems. The old saying, old age is not for sissies, is true. Why fight for more years of this?

Stage 4 cancer usually means it’s already spread to other parts of the body, or so I’ve read. We’ve all heard cancer cells break away and invade other organs so we take chemotherapy to supposedly wipe it all out. However…

I also believe strongly in the quality of life over quantity and chemotherapy wipes out health and it leaves people looking and feeling like emaciated half-dead survivors of the Holocaust. (Our friend is not a big woman anyway).

Radiation treatment is brutal so I doubt she’ll ever be able to grow her hair back at all… Who wants to wear a wig, or a scarf every single. day?

I’m a Christian who knows where I’m going when I die, AND SO IS SHE. So why prolong the inevitable by inviting even more diminished health into your life?

And lastly, I don’t care to be a martyr or an experiment for the gods of medicine/science. I’ll let them get their accolades from others— thank you.

The cost of fighting cancer is astronomical — so it’s a younger person’s game. Not conducive to people in their advanced years who are trying to live on a pension or social security with Medicare. I wouldn’t bankrupt my family for a few more years of substandard quality of life.

And there you have it... My reasons to just say “NO, to drugs and other treatments for stage 4 cancer in my senior years.” She’s happy I want to see her and I will back her decision to fight this because it’s her choice and her right. I’m not going to say anything to dissuade her, but it won’t be easy.

So what do you think? What would you do if you were in her shoes? I’m looking forward to your comments.