If I Could Wind Back the Clock and Just Once More Feel You in My Arms

The widow’s healing journey continues

Just once more Your laugh Your caress Your voice Your tenderness The secret looks Nobody understood But us.

Where are you now?

You were the prince I never dreamed could come true. You were the gentle rain Which washed away my blues. You were Life returned again, My release From the sentence of pain.

You were my peace My beautiful friend, Love’s new beginning Which has no end.

I know you hear me when I call You answer in signs From the other side But it’s not the same — How can I abide No physical touch, The squeeze of your hand.

I miss you so much.

Dear God, how I long To feel your embrace, To wind back to times When our hearts danced And raced.

Heaven and earth, please open the door, Let me feel the warmth of your hug Just once more.

I burst into tears on Sunday when I read the first prompt from Bella Smith for this week’s Moody Monday: The warmth of a hug you wish you could feel just once more.

Later in the day, my heart nudged me to write. It took me until late that night to create this poem; I adapted part of it from the first poem I ever wrote for my soulmate when we fell in love decades ago.

It’s taken me four days to return and complete my submission. I couldn’t shake off the edginess on Monday, knowing I was collecting his ashes on Tuesday. It’s been a rocky ride, but I promised myself in this morning’s meditation I would finish and send this today.

Although I know our souls will meet again, processing the pain of loss takes time. The void left by his physical absence, his companionship, a touch, a look, a word, often leaves a hole in my heart that’s impossible to fill with memories. The latter are intangible.

I navigate through good days and bad days, never knowing which it will be, but remain open to whatever transpires. Some days I fly, others I crash.

I found a fascinating article in Psychology Today by Mark Shelvock, RP(Q), CT, MACP, MA, a Canadian psychotherapist. Titled “There Is No Step-by-Step Formula for Grief”, it decries the popular theory put forward by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross of The Five Stages of Grief.

There’s no such thing!

I include a link to the article should you be interested in reading it.

The following paragraph stood out for me — it reflects what I’m going through. I hope it helps others of you who are grieving too.

“Grief is not bound to a specific timeframe, and in reality, grief is a dynamic process that varies every day. In fact, psychological research on grief and bereavement shows how there is a more organic ebb and flow to grief. This is captured by the Dual Process Model, which was proposed by researchers Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut. Their research highlights how people oscillate (move back and forth) between two distinctive orientations: a loss orientation process and a restoration orientation process. This highlights how there are good days and bad days when grieving.”

Thank you for being here for me.

Annie Lennox reminds us in her song that “beauty is always everywhere … even if it’s hidden sometimes.”

Thank you Bella Smith ⭐for your prompts which keep me moving forward on my healing journey of widowhood.