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Abstract

in the tax rolls.</p><p id="6b4e">They’ll give you a number alright but it won’t be a Social Security number. Perhaps, if the Social Security Administration is feeling magnanimous they’ll turn you on to a good psychiatric clinic. Yeah that kind of number.</p><h2 id="f4df">Preschool</h2><p id="516f">Go ahead, I dare you, try to enroll your precious little frozen embryo-child in preschool and just see what kind of reception you get. It’ll be chilly at best, guaranteed.</p><p id="0efb">And you’ll be hit with an endless series of pointed and unanswerable questions.</p><ul><li>How’s Snowflake gonna take a nap? She’ll melt at room temp.</li><li>How can we tell if she’s toilet trained? We can’t even see her! Besides according to scientists she’s smack dab in the middle of a puddle already.</li><li>What pronouns will we use? Calling your little precious “Cells” will just confuse the other children.</li></ul><h2 id="6aa7">Disney Theme Parks</h2><p id="92c7">They’ll want to accommodate your family’s needs but may voice the following concerns.</p><p id="104b">“We have Minnie Mouse, and a whole host of characters your other kids can relate to. Please check back after we adjust to the changing times — and the newest definition of the word “child” — and add Micro Mouse or maybe Nano Mouse.”</p><p id="8a77">“We do have the “It’s a Small World” ride but this is ridiculous.”</p><p id="c4c6">“If your child goes missing our Lost & Found Department does NOT have electron microscopes so we’re unable to allow you and your micro munchkin into the park.”</p><h2 id="ebf7">K

Options

indergarten</h2><p id="38db">“Have you seen the chaos in here?! Aspen will end up plastered to some other kid’s face with a mixture of peanut butter, grape jelly, boogers and white glue. So NO, just NO, Aspen will have to wait for several million more cell divisions to occur before we’ll even consider an application for admission.”</p><h2 id="f68d">All-You-Can-Eat Restaurants</h2><p id="cd92"><i>The one exception to the rule.</i></p><p id="f52c">“Your whole fam damily is welcome but even the littlest little ones will get charged. Have you seen how much a kid can eat?!”</p><h2 id="e219">Driver’s Training</h2><p id="c93a">“No dice. You have to be able to see above the steering wheel. Yes, I know we make exceptions for old people but we’re not going to extend that courtesy to the other end of the age spectrum.”</p><h2 id="d9f0">Still in the mood for more ridiculousness?</h2><p id="3532">Either check in with the AL Supreme Court or read this, or both.</p><div id="c13e" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/do-any-smart-people-support-trump-f40233d64bb9"> <div> <div> <h2>Do Any Smart People Support Trump?</h2> <div><h3>Or are all his MAGAts toothless knuckle-dragging pinheads?</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*VJlXNZ7E_PjNOguR)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

ICE ICE BABY

If Frozen Embryos Are Children Why Are We Giving Them The Cold Shoulder?

Little Kristals, Aspens and Frosts everywhere are being frozen out. It’s not cool.

**Somewhere in there is a great joke about blue balls, but I’m not going to be the one to make it. 😬** Photo by Giu Vicente on Unsplash

Shouldn’t we love our children?

Sure they occasionally frost us but that no excuse for giving them the cold shoulder.

Following are some of the many ways we discriminate against the newest form of humans, the freeze-dried microscopic kind.

Birth Certificate

Try to get a birth certificate for your cutest little icicle ever, your little bundle of cells/joy, Crystal Clear Jones (or whatever your Alabaman last name is). You’ll be met with an icy stare from the State Department of Vital Statistics (or whoever issues birth certificates in that backwater State).

Social Security Number

Can’t get no satisfaction at the State level?

Well then, try the Feds and apply for a Social Security Number and Card so Frosty The Snowman (great nickname for a frozen cell mass) can join the tax rolls.

They’ll give you a number alright but it won’t be a Social Security number. Perhaps, if the Social Security Administration is feeling magnanimous they’ll turn you on to a good psychiatric clinic. Yeah that kind of number.

Preschool

Go ahead, I dare you, try to enroll your precious little frozen embryo-child in preschool and just see what kind of reception you get. It’ll be chilly at best, guaranteed.

And you’ll be hit with an endless series of pointed and unanswerable questions.

How’s Snowflake gonna take a nap? She’ll melt at room temp.
How can we tell if she’s toilet trained? We can’t even see her! Besides according to scientists she’s smack dab in the middle of a puddle already.
What pronouns will we use? Calling your little precious “Cells” will just confuse the other children.

Disney Theme Parks

They’ll want to accommodate your family’s needs but may voice the following concerns.

“We have Minnie Mouse, and a whole host of characters your other kids can relate to. Please check back after we adjust to the changing times — and the newest definition of the word “child” — and add Micro Mouse or maybe Nano Mouse.”

“We do have the “It’s a Small World” ride but this is ridiculous.”

“If your child goes missing our Lost & Found Department does NOT have electron microscopes so we’re unable to allow you and your micro munchkin into the park.”

Kindergarten

“Have you seen the chaos in here?! Aspen will end up plastered to some other kid’s face with a mixture of peanut butter, grape jelly, boogers and white glue. So NO, just NO, Aspen will have to wait for several million more cell divisions to occur before we’ll even consider an application for admission.”

All-You-Can-Eat Restaurants

The one exception to the rule.

“Your whole fam damily is welcome but even the littlest little ones will get charged. Have you seen how much a kid can eat?!”

Driver’s Training

“No dice. You have to be able to see above the steering wheel. Yes, I know we make exceptions for old people but we’re not going to extend that courtesy to the other end of the age spectrum.”