Summary

This satirical guide humorously outlines steps to become a "better idiot" by ignoring rules, embracing unpopular opinions, avoiding thinking, discarding common sense, joining other idiots, using horoscopes, misinterpreting statistics, and mastering idiotic communication.

Abstract

The article titled "Idiocy For Dummies: An Easy To Read Guide On How To Become A Better Idiot" is a satirical piece that humorously presents a guide to becoming a "better idiot." The guide begins by stating that everyone has stupid moments, but becoming a true idiot requires effort and willpower. The author then outlines several steps to achieve this goal, starting with ignoring rules and labels, as they limit creativity and self-expression. The guide encourages readers to embrace unpopular opinions, such as believing the earth is flat, and to avoid thinking, as it wastes time and energy.

The article also advises against listening to common sense, as it prevents individuals from standing out. Joining other idiots in groups like "flat-earthers" or "anti-vaxxers" is recommended to help achieve the goal of becoming a better idiot. The guide suggests using horoscopes to unravel one's true identity and to connect the dots in statistics, even if the correlations are spurious.

Finally, the article emphasizes the importance of mastering idiotic communication by doing the opposite of what is recommended in a guide on avoiding logical fallacies. The author concludes by stating that following these steps will allow individuals to impress friends and family with a new level of idiocy and potentially achieve their goals, such as becoming the president of the United States.

Bullet points

Ignore rules and labels, as they limit creativity and self-expression.
Embrace unpopular opinions, such as believing the earth is flat.
Avoid thinking, as it wastes time and energy.
Discard common sense, as it prevents individuals from standing out.
Join other idiots in groups like "flat-earthers" or "anti-vaxxers."
Use horoscopes to unravel one's true identity.
Connect the dots in statistics, even if the correlations are spurious.
Master idiotic communication by doing the opposite of what is recommended in a guide on avoiding logical fallacies.
Following these steps will allow individuals to impress friends and family with a new level of idiocy and potentially achieve their goals.

Humor | Satire | Guide

Idiocy For Dummies

An Easy To Read Guide On How To Become A Better Idiot

We all have our stupid little moments. An inappropriate joke that insulted someone. A comment that put some people off. But these are just minor events, far from mastering the trait of becoming a true idiot.

You may think “I’m an absolute idiot!”

Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but you’re not there yet. Being a complete idiot takes a tremendous amount of effort and sheer willpower. It’s a craft, only a few people have yet fully mastered. Only a handful of people are worthy of that title. And they defend it with their lives.

But fret not! Today I will share with you all the hidden qualities and skills to achieve your dream of becoming a better idiot.

So, let’s dumb it down, shall we?

Ignore the rules

A true idiot never abides by the rules. Rules are our enemies. They just try to limit our rights to express ourselves creatively. If something is labeled with “not for digestion”, EAT IT ANYWAYS! Don’t listen to some stupid label. These labels are for people. But you’re not people. You’re an idiot.

So gulp it down with pride! Tide pods, bleach, motor oil, fish tank cleaner… the possibilities are endless! To become a true idiot, you must embrace your newfound freedom.

Don’t listen to doctors. They’re not idiots. They don’t know your path. They don’t know these secret teachings. Repeat after me: “I’m an idiot!”

Now you’re feeling it!

Embrace unpopular opinions

A true idiot must stand out from the masses. You won’t cut it if you follow the majority. Forget the round earth thing. Make it flat!

People started to agree upon the same stuff for decades. How boring! Just because some scientists spent their lives researching all the “facts”, doesn’t make it right, right? Not for us idiots! We don’t care about things like “empirical evidence”, yuck. What an ugly word. Don’t listen to those nay-sayers. The earth is flat, like a yummy little pancake! Much better, isn’t it? I love pancakes!

We don’t need people to tell us what to think. We don’t think. Thinking wastes time. Time we can better use being an idiot. Which brings me to my next point.

Don’t think

Thinking costs us energy and time. Stop thinking, start doing! Idiots don’t think. The guy who first ate an egg didn’t think whether he should, did he? He just did! And he invented the edible egg, how cool is that? We can make pancakes with those! So pancakes were technically invented by an idiot!

See where I’m going with this? Being an idiot means freedom!

Ever wondered what happens when you stick a fork into a socket? Thought about it? STOP THINKING, JUST DO IT. It’s amazing. Once you become an idiot, your life will be so much more. You’ll stop wasting time with unimportant stuff like safety regulations or rules.

You know that popular slogan they use on billboards, right? Something like “Don’t think and drive”. So let’s do that!

Get rid of your common sense

That’s that little voice in your head. Don’t listen to it. It’s called “common sense” for a reason. It’s common. Everyone’s using it. But we want to stand out, remember?

So this rule is simple (we idiots love simple, it gets sh*t done): Don’t listen to common sense. Never ever!

Common sense is trying its hardest to stand between you and your goal of becoming a true idiot. It’s like labels. But in our own head. Ugh!

Ignore that voice. As long as you have common sense, you’ll never be able to become a true idiot. Eat some more tide pods. They make that common sense leave you alone.

Join other idiots

Belonging to a group of people with the same goals can help you in becoming a better idiot. Idiocy is like water. If you put a lot of it into a cup, you have more water. Or something like that. I think Bruce Lee said something about water. I don’t know. I like water.

There are many groups you can join. They use different words. Because people hate us. They envy us because they fail at being true idiots like us. So these groups need to hide. Look for groups like “racists”, “flat-earthers”, “anti-vaxxers”, “climate change deniers” or “Eug–Egu–wait, almost got it–Eugenicisitisists” damn, that’s a hard word. What does it even mean? Who cares? Don’t think about it. Just know that you’ll find other idiots you can join there.

With a combined effort, you can become a better idiot. So join other idiots, it’s so much more fun to see who can outperform who. We even got rallies to show off! Sounds fun, right?

Reach for the stars

To become a real idiot, you need to use the power of your horoscope. It’s like magic! And it works! Read your horoscope and unravel the mystery of who you really are. Scientists will try to ruin your fun by using words like “self-selection bias”, but don’t listen to them, they are just envious.

Your horoscope will tell you about your future. It never lies.

We don’t know how it works. We don’t think about it. Remember? We’re idiots! We don’t waste time thinking about it.

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. —Albert Einstein

You’re getting there!

Learn to read statistics

Do you know these fancy bars and graphs with numbers around them? Things like how many people got shot, or how many home trainers were sold?

Most people are unable to connect the dots. Because they keep falling for their common sense. But if you free yourself from that, you’ll be able to see the truth in statistics. Deniers will say things like “correlation does not equal causation” or some such nonsense.

But look!

Source: http://www.tylervigen.com/spurious-correlations

You see? There’s clearly a connection here! The fewer margarine people eat, the fewer people in Maine divorce! Take that, scientists!

True idiots can connect the dots. If you see the clear evidence (ugh, I hate that word!) then you’re one step closer to becoming a true idiot.

If you want to look for more interesting correlations, visit this website. You need to study the hidden correlations. Just don’t think about them!

Learn to communicate like an idiot

In order to use your full potential, you’ll need to learn the secret art of idiotic communication.

We idiots don’t follow the same rules as other people. Remember? We need to stand out. Becoming an idiot is hard. It takes dedication. We earned the right to show it off whenever possible.

Just recently I wrote a guide on how to keep the upper hand in a debate by avoiding logical fallacies. That of course was a ruse, to keep non-idiots at bay. It is your duty as a true idiot to not follow that guide, but to do the exact opposite! That’s so idiotic! You’re amazing!

If someone says something mean to you, just call them a liar. They will never recover from that. Everyone will immediately think that they are a liar and respect you for your honesty.

And if someone says that you’ve done something wrong, then just point at one of your newfound idiot friends and say that he did that too. Two people can’t be wrong, can they?

That guide will quickly teach you all you need to master idiotic communication. Just don’t forget: Do the opposite!

Now good luck on becoming a better idiot

If you keep working on these points, you’ll quickly be able to impress friends and family with a completely new level of idiocy. They will sigh and moan in awe and be inspired by your authenticity.

And if you play your cards right, this knowledge can allow you to achieve all your goals. You could even become president of the United States!

Don’t believe me? Why? One guy did it!

Kevin is an editor and writer for the ILLUMINATION publication. Follow him on Twitter and LinkedIn.