I’d Rather Be Masturbating

Summary

The article humorously discusses the author's preference for masturbation over mundane or bizarre activities, inspired by a photo prompt from Kristine Laco.

Abstract

In response to a photo prompt provided by Kristine Laco, the author delves into a satirical exploration of scenarios where they would prefer the solitary activity of masturbation over other tasks or experiences. The prompt, featuring a truck captured by Laco's daughter, serves as a catalyst for the author's musings on personal preferences and the diversity of human interests. The author lists various situations, such as attending a lengthy ballet recital or engaging in unusual sexual activities, which they find less appealing than self-pleasure. The article emphasizes individuality and the importance of embracing one's own quirks, referencing Allison Rushby's quote about the world's diversity. The author concludes by acknowledging the prompt's influence on their ruminations and the irony of choosing masturbation over engaging in the prompt itself.

Opinions

The author finds activities like watching alien goat porn or attending long ballet recitals to be less enjoyable than masturbation.
They express a clear preference for personal time over certain social or adventurous activities.
The author values individuality and the variety of human fetishes, as long as they do not involve trombone-playing goats.
There is an implied critique of the absurdity of some fetishes and the potential monotony of societal norms.
The author humorously suggests that even the act of discussing the photo prompt is less desirable than masturbation, playfully apologizing to Kristine Laco.
The mention of the truck being a RAM in the photo is used to reinforce the author's preference for masturbation, implying that driving such a vehicle is not as appealing.

Kristine Laco’s prompt is keeping me busy

What’s better than folding towels? Photo by Mitchell Griest on Unsplash

Kristine Laco’s prompt makes us dig deep. Really deep. Like end-up-in-the-fallopian-tubes deep.

She gave us this picture. And instructions to “Find a way to use this image of a truck that was driving in front of me (image taken by my daughter)”.

Ram them in, Baby. Photo heisted from Kristine Laco.

What would make you choose masturbation?

Maybe you like to fold towels, scrub sunny-side-ups off of breakfast plates, or wipe toilet bases until they’re feces-free.

I don’t. But we’re all different. Just like Allison Rushby says, the world would be so damn boring if we were all the friggin’ same.

Here’s my list of when I’d rather slip one of my own digits down my pants.

I’d rather be masturbating than…

attending my niece’s 4-hour ballet recitals. I don’t care how damn cute they look in those neon pink tutus. A Ménage à Moi has never involved 240 minutes and 6.5 bottles of Advil.

sniffing nose candy from a sex worker’s taut derrière. Sure, it’s fun. But I’ve never gotten a nosebleed while paddling the pink canoe. Well, except that time in the Himalayas.

watching alien goat porn. Apparently, it was a bigger deal a few years ago. “No fetish too exotic,” they say. Then again, the infamous they also likes to get off to goats playing trombones. Now, maybe if those goats were part of the Chippendales morning yoga routine…

Mostly, I’d rather be masturbating than…

responding to this prompt. Sorry, Kristine.

Side note: the person in Kristine Laco’s photo is driving a RAM. Who wouldn’t choose to masturbate over rambling about in that?

But before I start a Ford-Dodge-Chevy-everything else battle…Let’s just simplify this. Or maybe not. I’ve got to go get busy folding towels….

PHOTO PROMPT

I’d Rather Be Masturbating

Kristine Laco’s prompt is keeping me busy

What would make you choose masturbation?

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