“Sick” jokes not a good idea anymore
I’d Make a Joke About Calling in Sick Today So I can Stay Home and Write, But . . .
I would rather stay home and write.
Okay, I’ve got ten minutes to write this story.
Per the Doc, we should try to keep stories short, like 300–500 words. He said some other stuff,too. I think he mentioned picking a single topic, writing each day, same topic, don’t be repetitive, don’t be repetitive. . .
But really, I just want to call in sick so I can stay home and write. I feel re-invigorated by the Doc’s methodology of trying to make us all more successful.
The problem is, if I call in sick and I give my little cough on the phone as proof, they’re gonna make me stay home for 15 days to make sure I don’t have. . .well, you know.
So that won’t work. Seems every symptom I’ve faked in the past will cause me to lose more than just a day. More than likely, they’ll quarantine the whole building, send everyone home, make us all go to the doctor and get cleared to come back to work. What can I do?
Flat tire? No, that wouldn’t take all day to change. Out of gas? No, everyone at work knows I filled up yesterday at the cheap gas station down the street. Car broken down? Not really feasible. It’s a fairly new, reliable car.
Crap. Besides, if they shut down the building, I’m guessing the company will lose about a billion dollars.
I wonder how long it would take me to repay a billion dollars out of the tips I get dancing at the senior citizen home, when it re-opens? ’Cause I’ll surely be fired when they find out I was lying (some people at work read my stuff — stupid to brag about my writing at work, right?)
Damn! Okay, times up. I guess I’ll take my chances and call in. . .something.
Let’s see. . .$1,000,000,000 divided by 52 times $14.32 (weekly tips). . .no, no. Let’s see, $1,000,000,000 divided by $14.32 equals. . .
Aw, hell. Going to work.
Chuck Roast is a Humorist at Illumination, a Top Writer in Satire, and Owner/writer/editor-in-chief of his own languishing publication, Dad-Bods. He’s also on Twitter and Linked-In, but doesn’t have time right now to find those links because his memory sucks and he can’t remember them and has to go to stupid work.