Politics | Humor | The intersection where they meet once in a while for a cup of coffee

“I’d Like to Make a Humble Request for A Donation Today Before I Make an Even More Humble Request for One Tomorrow.”

And thus, the political donations crusade marches on — is there anything we can do to stop it?

Have you ever given in to a toddler and done something you would come to regret?

Heard them cry. Watched them kick their toys, the walls, the cat, who’s just trying to get some sleep, all because you won’t strap their car seat to the top of the minivan like they saw on Jackass.

Then, when the decibels go too high and the few nerves remaining begin to fray, you look to the heavens for guidance and . . . you give in and do something you probably shouldn’t.

So, what happens next?

More crying, more kicking, as the cat goes into hiding and all hell breaks loose until — you give in again.

Why? Because it worked before.

I’ve come to realize that politicians behave a lot like toddlers. Perhaps because they once were one. They look innocent at first. Sincere and somewhat genuine as they tell you all about their problems.

As they articulate rather eloquently the harsh realities of life in Washington and what they can and cannot do without your support.

It seems reasonable. We all need funds to operate. To get to work. To buy food. Or a vente four-shot Americano after breakfast. Money makes the world go around.

And to hear the politicians talking — never more than in Washington, DC, where money is sucked through the city, like air through a 747 at takeoff.

And for all kinds of reasons. Good reasons. Like world peace. And balancing the budget — again.

Or defeating the “other side” that is trying to undermine everything every good person has tried to do in the last 117 years.

And to make all of this happen — please commit to a monthly donation of $342. A simple car payment, that you can probably do without, by using your city’s wonderful mass transit system.

But like in-laws with too much free time on their hands — they keep coming back for more.

A new campaign, a new push, a new threat lurking just beyond the beltway that threatens our very existence. Or the ascension of the “other side” to positions of power that we might soon regret.

All of which, can easily be overcome on a national level if every American of a particular political persuasion would just open up their checkbooks — yes, it’s only been six hours since you last did it, but we promise, this will be the last request for a donation, before sunset — so please contribute just $38.74.

The equivalent cost of a new two-slot toaster, that you really don’t need anyway — just hold a slice of bread over an open flame, and voila.

WHY IS POLITICS SO EXPENSIVE?

Political parties, along with their vast network of political activities share the same financial roots as the government itself.

Where, as we well know, their motto is: Money, no problem. We print the shit.

But there is another factor that has evolved into a major component of our political lives. FOMO. Fear Of Missing Out.

We as Americans have gotten used to buying what we don’t need because we’re not sure that we really don’t need it and don’t want to find ourselves in a position of regretting our inaction.

We are immersed in advertising so eloquent and convincing that at the end of those glorious 60 seconds, we kind of believe, that yeah, maybe we should have one of them.

Hell . . . maybe even two.

And why not. Others have them. Like them. Are ecstatically happy about it and we should be ecstatically happy as well.

We see average citizens in their new cars, their new trucks, taking their new prescriptions and behaving in ways that are — well, totally cool. And we don’t want to miss out on what we might actually need.

You see, Politicians are experts at selling the dream. The dream you didn’t know you were dreaming of. The reality you didn’t know you were even yearning for.

They are also quite clever at selling fear. Simple garden variety everyday fear. Like, where would you be without your car? Your house? Your job?

Then they explain that these things are in the balance. Hanging by the proverbial thread. That threat of loss. Fear of failure — all things we pay good money to avoid.

So, we are told every day via email or TV ads, that FOMO in its many forms is approaching. That dreams, your dreams are at risk.

But . . . for a $10 monthly donation, we, your political champions will be on the front lines fighting for you.

The thing is, politics is not like breakfast cereals or new cars or a better legal drug that will make you happier and less flatulent.

It’s about who is steering the bus. Our national bus. And telling us every week, that we have to kick in some more money or the bus will come to a full stop.

So, we pay. And pay. Like quarters dropped into an old payphone that does nothing — but ask us to put in more quarters.

The question is — can we stop without Fear Of Missing Out?

I think it’s time to put that question to the test.

How?

• Just like your boss does — demand to see the receipts.
• Just like your mother does — demand a little respect.
• Just like your partner does — demand that they listen.
• Just like your libido does — demand a little love comes your way.

It’s your money. Your time. Your life. Your world. It’s okay to get a little quid pro quo on the side.

It’s what they’re doing in Washington.

Dr Mehmet Yildiz Tree Langdon Karen Madej George J. Ziogas Paul Myers MBA Stuart Englander Jenine Bsharah Baines James Knight Rebecca RomanelliThe Secret Aspirant Salvatore Cagliari Adelia Ritchie Esther George Claire Kelly Sherry McGuinn Joseph Lieungh Klara Jane Holloway