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Abstract

s all about.</b></p><p id="293e">It is about speaking freely, speaking your truth, reaching others to share different perspectives, <b><i>and educating others on YOUR point of view.</i></b></p><p id="d410">I had read so many articles that I didn't necessarily agree with, yet still clapped for the author, because they were speaking THEIR TRUTH.</p><p id="72fb">To see the article that sent me into my downhill spiral, click below.</p><div id="b24d" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/billions-of-dollars-sent-to-ukraine-c39222286095"> <div> <div> <h2>Billions of Dollars Sent To Ukraine</h2> <div><h3>And why this is creating a major internal war of my own.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*wvsqFIFfdIBlARr0)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><h2 id="d052">I knew before I created this blog, that I would be working through many fears that were conditioned into me from childhood all the way to today.</h2><figure id="1a31"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*UsJ51stG03HEQmFyXBF7jw.jpeg"><figcaption>Author as a child</figcaption></figure><p id="fa98">However, I had no idea how it would affect me. To say that I was not prepared for these feelings is an understatement. <i>I had no idea what to expect, yet the more articles I read on Medium, the more that I saw people were writing from their hearts, their souls, and without abandon, without fear of judgment and criticism.</i></p><p id="2af3">One of those such writers that I was blessed to make a connection with early on, is <a href="undefined"><b><i>Lwazi Mosley</i></b></a><b><i>.</i></b> His writing has really inspired me to step into my truth, whether readers appreciate that truth or not. He writes on topics that many would scratch their heads over, or would consider controversial, and although I may or may not agree with all of his views, he is inspirational in that he is completely authentic in what he writes. <b>He is writing from his soul, and that is a beautiful thing.</b> That is what I wish to emulate.</p><h1 id="061c">I was able to come out of my panic attack within just a few minutes, of discussing my feelings, in a safe space with my partner.</h1><figure id="8eef"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*v_diX_fW4gkUb_qChDY29A.jpeg"><figcaption>Aut

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hor & Her Boyfriend</figcaption></figure><p id="e690">I realized that I was in the process of working through false, self-limiting beliefs.</p><blockquote id="143a"><p>That perhaps, I was guided by God to use this platform, to assist in releasing all those false beliefs and fear.</p></blockquote><p id="c69a">I have been called to do many things since March of 2020.</p><h2 id="59f9">The month the world forever changed.</h2><p id="5e55">Each time I have taken a step forward to do as I feel I am being called to do, I feel incredible fear and self-doubt and <b>stop whatever it is I should be doing</b>. The self-defeating thoughts kick in, and I inevitably back out from what I am pursuing. <b>Medium is the last straw, and I will not back down this time.</b></p><p id="1f62"><b><i>I feel, especially after last night, that writing on Medium is truly to assist me to shed the last of my false beliefs.</i></b></p><p id="1f8a">I am on this platform to share a pure heart, love and compassion for all.</p><p id="d3eb">I will be sure to remember this when I fear that my posts will upset people. That is not what I am here for. <b>I am here to speak my truth. I have to have faith that readers will respect this and not condemn me for my truths.</b></p><h1 id="a353">My username/URL is Honestly Gabby, after all.</h1><figure id="577b"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*VhQ7VmE0BBVx3vLy"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@dj_johns1?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">DJ Johnson</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><p id="3388"><i>Thank you for taking the time to read. If you would like to continue to follow my journey on Medium, you can find my homepage <a href="https://medium.com/@HonestlyGabby">HERE</a>, or by <a href="https://twitter.com/Gabrielleseex3">Twitter.</a></i></p><div id="b1bc" class="link-block"> <a href="https://medium.com/@Gabby_Gabs/membership"> <div> <div> <h2>Join Medium with my referral link - Gabby Gabs</h2> <div><h3>As a Medium member, a portion of your membership fee goes to writers you read, and you get full access to every story…</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*JE8jH-6ZMxcredzH)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

I Wrote A Story On Ukraine & Russia

I had a complete, full-blown, anxiety meltdown later that evening.

After I sent my article to the Illumination Publication for the first time yesterday, within 2 hours, I completely lost it and had a panic attack.

Now, before we get any deeper, I want to mention that I have not had a panic attack in quite some time. It had been 6 months, at least. So I was surprised when it seemed to knock me off of my feet.

I was sitting on the couch, watching Bridgerton on Netflix with my boyfriend, when BOOM it hit me out of nowhere.

I immediately started thinking about what I wrote, and whether it would hurt anyone. My first concern was not offending anyone, and my second concern was that people would dislike me, not want to follow me, and judge me for my views and opinions.

I went down a dark hole of cyclical self-berating thoughts.

Who do you think you are, all the Ukrainian people will hate you for saying this, you are just perpetuating negative news and beliefs, you didn't come to Medium to share your voice in this manner, you don't deserve for anyone to read your content, You are crazy for putting your opinion out there.

My boyfriend glanced over and noticed that I had my hands around my neck and was breathing rapid, shallow, breaths. I looked over and said “Oh my God, I am freaking out right now”.

I proceeded to tell him my thoughts, and he proceeded to bring me back to reality.

He reminded me of the many things that I already knew when I was composing that previous article.

That I had read enough articles on this platform, to know this is what it is all about.

It is about speaking freely, speaking your truth, reaching others to share different perspectives, and educating others on YOUR point of view.

I had read so many articles that I didn't necessarily agree with, yet still clapped for the author, because they were speaking THEIR TRUTH.

To see the article that sent me into my downhill spiral, click below.

Billions of Dollars Sent To Ukraine

And why this is creating a major internal war of my own.

medium.com

I knew before I created this blog, that I would be working through many fears that were conditioned into me from childhood all the way to today.

However, I had no idea how it would affect me. To say that I was not prepared for these feelings is an understatement. I had no idea what to expect, yet the more articles I read on Medium, the more that I saw people were writing from their hearts, their souls, and without abandon, without fear of judgment and criticism.

One of those such writers that I was blessed to make a connection with early on, is Lwazi Mosley. His writing has really inspired me to step into my truth, whether readers appreciate that truth or not. He writes on topics that many would scratch their heads over, or would consider controversial, and although I may or may not agree with all of his views, he is inspirational in that he is completely authentic in what he writes. He is writing from his soul, and that is a beautiful thing. That is what I wish to emulate.

I was able to come out of my panic attack within just a few minutes, of discussing my feelings, in a safe space with my partner.

I realized that I was in the process of working through false, self-limiting beliefs.

That perhaps, I was guided by God to use this platform, to assist in releasing all those false beliefs and fear.

I have been called to do many things since March of 2020.

The month the world forever changed.

Each time I have taken a step forward to do as I feel I am being called to do, I feel incredible fear and self-doubt and stop whatever it is I should be doing. The self-defeating thoughts kick in, and I inevitably back out from what I am pursuing. Medium is the last straw, and I will not back down this time.

I feel, especially after last night, that writing on Medium is truly to assist me to shed the last of my false beliefs.

I am on this platform to share a pure heart, love and compassion for all.

I will be sure to remember this when I fear that my posts will upset people. That is not what I am here for. I am here to speak my truth. I have to have faith that readers will respect this and not condemn me for my truths.

My username/URL is Honestly Gabby, after all.

Thank you for taking the time to read. If you would like to continue to follow my journey on Medium, you can find my homepage HERE, or by Twitter.

Join Medium with my referral link - Gabby Gabs

As a Medium member, a portion of your membership fee goes to writers you read, and you get full access to every story…

medium.com