I Write To Embrace My Story — Introduction to Illumination
Life barely resolves to follow straight routes. It’s meandering up and down. Great things nest in evil ones. From the stars sometimes fall a few tears.
I spent more time narrowing horizons and ambitions because of limitations set by others, than freely nurturing my plans and desires. Each time I dared to step out of the famous comfort zone — mine or the territory delimited for me — to welcome my instincts, the best happened. Never in all simplicity. Thanks to hard work and commitment. But, these are values I prize.
At 12, I aspired to study Political Sciences. I wanted to become President of the French Republic. I ignored that women don’t qualify to sit on the throne.
When I was 14, I craved to study Political Sciences to be a War Reporter. Doctors told me, “Don’t go! Your disability won’t let you!”
Then I turned 17 and entered University to study Political Sciences as one goes to law school. To move on straight ahead.
Three years later, I graduated and headed into my first life curve. I left the glowing path, a royal road to the top, to write in the music industry. I didn’t realize the mismatch, the sheer enormity of what I was going through on the spot. I was an ant — a tiny little one.
I worked on a surrealistic Elton John’s gig in Bergerac — a small town nestled in France’s far southwest. Another night, I walked home a cheesy pop singer who happened to be a bit too boozy to find his way back on his own. I met the Scorpions right before they climbed the stairs to the stage in Paris. On June 21st at the Place de la Republique, this day in France when we celebrate music. They sang Wind of Change, that’s all I remember.
Then I discovered that wheelchair tennis would be the best passport to find myself. I played tennis to understand myself, to achieve myself too. To challenge me, I, who hates fighting and all forms of opposition.
I learned how to challenge me to challenge others. I played tennis to forge my identity, I, who was not wholly able-bodied nor entirely disabled either.
I played tennis to be admired. To gain approval. To end people’s desire to fix me, but let me be who I wanted to be.
Once, in Beijing, I raised my arms to the sky. My latest masterfully fluffy forehand turned out to be a winner. Down that line was a medal, not a golden one but still a pretty one. The moment felt like a closure, the end of a chapter, of the first volume. I thought the rest would be easier. I was wrong.
There is no path to Happiness. Happiness is the path. There is no path to Love. Love is the way. There is no path to Peace. Peace is the way. Dan Millman
This phrase arose in my wheelchair tennis career early years. These words were my light. I sometimes forgot them. When life sends its monstrous waves crashing on you, it’s easy to lose your steps and turn back. It’s tempting to seek shelter. But the phrase returned every time. Because of the Love of my entourage, their patience, and their support, I could resume my journey, overwhelmed with new relationships, emotions, and knowledge.
Time has come to embrace this life experience. To help teenagers who identify to my adolescent doubts. I also meet so many women facing similar challenges, no matter how they call them. That is why I am writing a book, a personal essay about resilience, dreams, and self-awareness.
Talking about me is puzzling. Saying “I” is tough.
Even in broad daylight, I still wonder who I am. Sophie Marceau
I relate to this quote. As many do. For these reasons, I share my journey, my inspirations, and my aspirations on the page. There are so many stories to tell. They all matter.
I have never been able to do just one thing at a time.
I am a writer, speaker, Paralympian, mother of twins, and constant dreamer. I earned bronze twice in Beijing 2008 in wheelchair tennis. Many life struggles fostered my strong temper, a passion for self-awareness, and a desire to empower young women to live a great life.
Reach out on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and on my website which features work in French and in English.
