I Write Escort Profiles. 5 Things You Should Know.

Don’t call them prostitutes.

Escorts.

For legal reasons, you can’t call them prostitutes.

Because paying money for sex is illegal. But paying money to someone to spend time with you is perfectly fine. What you do during that time is up to you.

Over the years I’ve written for a number of clients. 99.99% of them are agonizingly boring.

One of those clients though sets up online profiles for escorts.

Vegas escorts, Miami escorts, SoCal escorts. If you’ve looked them up in a major city you may have come across a profile penned by yours truly.

Because I’ve written hundreds of them. That’s not an inflated number like a bro’s bench press max or what your ex said they earned in a month.

I’ve likely written for more escorts than clients those escorts ever “spent time” with.

And here’s what I’ve learned.

The Profiles Are Fake

Every word in those profiles is fake. Where they’re from, what they like to do in their free time, the broken English because they are Eastern European immigrants. All fake.

I’m given two things when a profile request comes through: a name and a photo. That’s it. I have to craft a unique background for her that somehow, doesn’t feel the same as the hundreds of others I’d already made.

I’d get real, and I mean real creative.

Sometimes I’d see how many Seinfeld references I could pump into one. I wrote another like a Dr. Seuss book (She will meet you in the streets, she’s a tiger in the sheets….as a terrible spur of the moment example).

But it’s all fake.

But few people seem to care that the profiles are fake. Escorts, much like strippers, give fake names and fake backstories to sound not only more exotic but for safety. Although I am friends with one stripper who uses her real name because, brilliantly, everyone assumes it’s a fake.

Anyone Can Be (And Is) An Escort

I’ve seen the Baskin Robbins of escorts. All 31 flavors.

Every client has his or her taste, so every escort service has a wide selection of women (there are male escorts out there but I was never offered that kind of writing assignment).

There are some you’d look at and think, “yup, she probably makes some real solid cash being an escort.” And then there are others where you hope she doesn’t lose her day job.

But again everyone is into what they are into.

The Pictures Are Real

Okay, so the profiles are fake, but the pictures are real. At least for the service providers I wrote for.

This doesn’t include Craigslist, Backpage, or wherever else escorts are listed (for the love of God, don’t book someone off of those sites. Strange people lurk on those pages. It’s a safety concern).

The service provider pages feature real pictures because they run off of reputation, especially in major metro areas. Fake pictures will lead to complaints. Yeah, there are plenty of people who don’t want others to know they’re out with an escort. Others don’t care at all. And they are the ones who will complain. So the pictures are real.

I can’t tell you how many non-disclosure agreements I had to sign saying I wouldn’t share images (because, again, all I’d receive was a name and a photo).

Can’t Talk About Sex (At Least On The Nose)

Suggestive material is fine. Hinting at “having a good time” works. But directly referencing sex is a no go.

Because remember, escorts are different from prostitutes.

It’s really all for legal purposes. While not everyone is looking for that when booking an escort, there are others that are. Everyone within the agency knows this. But they also don’t want to be shut down by the FBI busting through skylights on ropes and helicopter searchlights pinpointing lude behavior in the middle of the night.

For “extras”, or anything else beyond setting up a date, a client will need to discuss that directly with the escort.

It’s Exhausting

This is my own personal viewpoint.

I haven’t written these kinds of profile posts in a while now. I’ve shifted mostly away from client work in general, but while these were some of the more entertaining posts, these were also some of the most exhausting.

Why?

Writing one sexy profile post is fine. But when a new website would go up in a different city and someone contacted me, writing profiles for dozens at once while pulling traits out of thin air became mind-numbingly tiresome.

So, if you find yourself on an escort page, looking to book someone to spend time with, read the profile for your own enjoyment and to support the writer who penned it, but just keep in mind that all you need to know is the pictures are real.

And, chances are, that’s probably all that matters anyway.