I Worry About The Digital Trail
Will it come to bite me in the future?
I started writing Technology related articles in 2018. My first few articles were on BATimes.com. I happened to hear about Medium around that time and until lockdown hit, I stuck to the technology domain.
Writing about my experiences at work was my go-to. The idea was to build my brand in line with my career goals. These articles were written to embellish my resume and my opportunity to get active on Linkedin.
In another life, I used to blog about random things happening in my life. Those weren’t opinions, just musings. The few friends who read it loved it or at least said they loved it. I choose to trust their compliment.
I have always been wary of social media. Only the perfect harmless pictures go on my Instagram. I have been careful of what I say, I think twice before commenting or tagging.
All this, because I have the ambition of leading a tech company in the future, possibly be on the Forbes list. (This is the kind of stuff I am/was scared of making public). And the fear that maybe something I say today will cause ripples later.
What if the things I write today come to haunt me in the future?
It is a legit fear and the only reason why I stuck to tech articles. I have gone back and read my tech articles and now after added experience in that field, I cringe. I have had some naive perspectives.
During a conversation with my brother, he reminded me how I had asked him to take down one of his pictures from Facebook because I thought it was inappropriate. Apparently, it was not. Today, I would say you do you. That was a different me.
I have changed or as I would like to say -evolved.
I feel the same way about writing and leaving a trail of my thoughts and opinions online. Clumsy or bad writing I can own even today. I am an average writer who finds joy in writing and am not ashamed to admit it.
Opinionated writing is a completely different ball game.
What if - the opinion I have today is wrong and a decade later I am judged for it? - the opinion I have is insensitive? - the opinion I have is silly? - the opinion damages my reputation in an unforeseen future?
Wonder if anyone else has the same fears?
Why do I/We still write?
We all have our reasons.
Creative Outlet
As a developer, I always added my name and the date when I finished the piece of code like an artist signing her painting. The joy I experienced every time the code came to life was beautiful. I signed all my programs because I took pride in having created them.
Writing is the same. The journey and the destination are a source of joy and pride. In hindsight, some work makes me proud and some make me cringe.
Writing gives me the joy of expression.
The feeling of creation also builds my courage muscle, to own my thoughts, my mistakes, my beauty, and my flaws, albeit with fear.
I create.
Source of Learning
Getting ideas is not the hardest part. The execution is.
This is a screenshot of one of my notes. Every time I read, hear or see something I get an idea.
Elaborating on an idea needs additional insight. It means putting effort into research, delving into personal experiences, going deeper within to formulate the idea into an article.
The more I write the more I observe my surroundings, my experiences. I absorb and ruminate on ideas from books that grab my attention. I read more and discuss to gain more knowledge.
I have become keenly aware of my limited vocabulary and understanding the meaning and usage of new words have become a priority.
Writing goes beyond just the idea and a flow of thoughts. It needs the writer to learn.
I learn.
Growth Opportunity
From writing one article in 6 months to attempting once a week ; From writing safe tech articles to expressing my opinion; From writing to build a brand to writing because I enjoy; I have come a long way with a longer journey awaiting me.
Expressing oneself through any form is an act of courage and love. Writing has given me the confidence to try and the courage to own it if I am wrong.
At times writing happens in a state of flow, at times I have to nail myself to a place till I finish the first draft, at times I can’t wait to get my hand on my laptop to start writing, at times I will only read.
Through these times, I have re-learned the value of discipline and consistency, learned how to embrace the zone, and value my perspective.
I am not yet ridiculed or criticized. It might make me stumble at first but that will be the growth of a different kind as well. This reminder keeps me going.
I grow.
Value Add
I have picked up actions and perspectives by reading here. Inputs from a lot of these articles have been of value in my own life.
The thoughts on books, reading, feminism, personal stories of struggle and success, of love and suffering, have all blown my mind.
That highlight, that comment, that clap makes me hope that maybe I am or will be able to add some value myself. Writing is a way for me to try to make a difference -maybe only one sentence in 10 articles, maybe one experience, maybe one story, maybe one word.
And the hope of making money.
One can hope and try.
Courage
We demonstrate courage when we put ourselves out there, whether it is through creation or through our opinions or sharing our perspectives or opening up our vulnerabilities.
When we open ourselves up we open gates to consequences: the good, the bad, and the ugly. But every time we take that one step, it is a courage-building act.
It is one tiny step towards stepping out of our comfort zone. It is one step towards feeling that I matter. It is one step in the direction of facing our fears.
This courage then becomes a tool in our toolkit to face life and its shenanigans.
To me writing in spite of the fear is building up my life toolkit.
Do I still think twice before publishing? -you bet. Am I still scared of my limited knowledge? -yes. Can this come to bite me later? -who knows. Have I published and immediately hit delete? -hell yes. Am I still wary of what I write? -yes.
Do I enjoy the process? -every single time.
“We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.” ― Anais Nin
