I Witnessed a Couple of Goslings Get Their Downy Asses Handed To Them

Nature is a classroom of life lessons if we take time to be attentive students

One of the best ways to stay present and shift your focus from yourself is to get caught up in the nature and wildlife that surrounds us. We don't need to go far.

I met a formidable-looking spider the other day in the kitchen. Finding one in the bedroom is more serious. How this beast found its way from Middle Earth to my kitchen is a mystery.

Occasionally, I encounter a spider that appears innocuous and too small to be a threat. They are often spared if I'm in a generous mood. This spider was one of those giant, black, shiny bitches that rear up when you get too close to them. Those creatures have eyes on their ass.

It's almost as if they are welcoming a fight. I have to kill them. And I must know they are dead, without the shadow of a doubt before I can rest. I bet I chased that shit around for twenty minutes. She was elusive and scurried into creases and crevices. I have all the patience in the world regarding this cat-and-mouse game.

It was exhausting. She almost had me surrendering. I waited until she thought it was safe to emerge again. We grappled more for a time, but I ultimately blinded her with some eyeglass lens cleaner.

I then slowed her attack considerably with some vegetable oil cooking spray. And then, I electrocuted her with a battery-operated bug-zapping device that is fashioned like a tennis racket, only with charged aluminum wire instead of strings.

That sucker packs a wallop. I tried it on myself once and thought it was overkill. It was painful. That little bitch snapped and popped like a dry corn kernel in boiling oil. I won. It was a satisfying victory.

I then realized that I was present during my skirmish with that creature. Whatever other problems or distracting thoughts I would otherwise have had were suspended during that time. I wouldn't say I like to kill things, but if they pose a threat or enter my living space, they have to go.

I enjoy nature and always find myself captivated by nature's stories. If I were sitting outside, I could watch that same spider weave a web and catch her helpless prey. This could entertain me for hours.

We have a drainage grate in our yard. Yesterday our dogs were going nuts. They were sticking their nose into the iron grate cover and fixated on whatever was down there.

Further investigation revealed a bird looking out between the bars like Pennywise. My wife said he reminded her of Jean Val Jean. The protagonist from the Victor Hugo classic Les Miserables. He found himself navigating Paris's complex sewer ways during the revolution.

The bird was rather large, so we had no idea how it could've found its way into that space. He eventually made his way through the tunnels, and his current fate is unknown.

The other day, I witnessed nature’s wildlife theater outside a Culver’s restaurant. My daughter was able to catch the whole drama on video. A tiny mouse residing in the brickwork of the building’s foundation struggled to pull a french fry into his hole in the wall. That little guy was determined. It tried repeatedly to pull the fry in sideways rather than the long way.

I posted the reel on Instagram, which currently has over 1400 plays. Somebody commented that it was like a Pixar film. It's true. Very entertaining, and I found myself cheering for that little critter.

I had a good chuckle this morning witnessing a family of geese crossing the street. It was the adult parents and about eight to ten fuzzy goslings. They waddled their way, stopping traffic. Whatever music I had playing was an ideal accompaniment for the show.

Momma and Pappa flanked the babies as they sauntered their asses across the road to the green grass field on the other side. Once they all appeared safely across, a couple of the little goslings turned back and began defiantly heading out into traffic again.

I'm not sure if it was Mom or Dad, but in my head, I want to think Mom began screaming at the little rebels. I couldn't hear the noise from inside my car with the music going, but there was no doubt she was screaming at the top of her lungs. I could tell by the movement of her head, and I could see her tongue wagging.

A parent is a parent. I only wish I had a video of that display. Those little goslings might've been purposely antagonizing their mom.

I imagined they were laughing as they eventually scurried back to safety. I only think that because it's something I would've done to terrorize my parents when I was a kid. I was not only a weird kid but also a little shit.

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