I will remember this moment
Please note that this is a work in progress. The running title for my manuscript is Finding Satori Within Nature. There are currently 14 chapters being edited. I will attempt to post the following chapter within 2 weeks.
Thank you for your collective interest.
Previous chapter:
The Quotes Journal: Part Two
There is leisure, as you may know, in writing as an adult when the pages are not assigned. Let us settle in for another dedicated editing/reading day. Today’s sipping tea is a combination of hibiscus, peach, and peppermint loose leaves. Music selected includes Bill Evans’ Undercurrents and The Oscar Peterson Trio’s Night Train. Jazz is not necessary, but is very indicative of a good writing mood. So…without stalling for too long, let’s begin.
In my lap are three handwritten journals. On the right, hardcovers are unsuspectingly soft and hued a satisfying deep royal blue. On the left is a thinner, soft-covered journal. It sits content from being freshly completed late last night. Both are waiting to tell their stories. It goes without saying, the third is the one you’re reading. This editing journal has yet to be named. They are prepped and ready to be made sense of for this next new chapter.
Journals can be a peaceful method for forever encapsulating scatterbrained observational thoughts into a collection of ideas. I first realized this when I took the time to transcribe a few of my pocketbooks from university into a dedicated journal. The small 151-page royal-blue book is here in my lap. This first journal became an ideal place for concentrating on previous idyllic adult life plans. It wasn’t meant to read fluidly from the get-go. It wasn’t even meant to be reread at all. The Royal Journal was the perfect vessel for writing down scattered dreams into tangible concepts. It was for the intriguing thoughts that were otherwise stuck on my tongue.
The final page reveals a pastel drawing of a quiet forest lake and colorful doodlings accompanied by a poem. The subtle smell of paint is still present upon a close sniff.
Take a few breaths
Everything will turn
Life will persevere
Elucidatory solicitations erode my intrepid, allusive fantasies
And here as I lay down writing,
Constantly resowing the fabric of what life can become,
A tapestry I hope to wear well,
I focus on the various seams of my own self-worth
Alright, blah blah, quack quack, moving on. Now that this journal has been reread, streams of thought can begin to flow toward a more constructive direction. I’d prefer to keep these first entries private. The second journal was before my experience with the Conservation Corps. I suspect I’ll find my first actual journal entry material here. Time for another cup of tea and a record flip. Happy reading today. See you on the other side.
Splayed out on my futon down here with me in a basement burrow are a variety of books: this new journal, the Royal Journal, a pocketbook for extra thoughts and reminders, and two environmental job guides picked out from a bookshelf. This is the moment to start researching ways to fit into society somehow as a young adult while upholding a strict level of environmental ethics.
At university, I acquired skills in ecosystem management, invasive species control/prevention, and how to increase biodiversity. Since graduating this past Spring, I find myself with a temporary job as a foreman for Sodexo in the St. Paul suburbs. On this December afternoon, I am glad the work is over for the semester.
Focus.
Deep Breaths.
Slowly now.
Here is a list of parks I haven’t been to yet to visit during this long Winter break:
Rice Creek Watershed District
Coon Rapids Dam
Carlos Avery Wildlife Management Area
Chase Island
Palmer Lake Park
Crow-Hassan Park Reserve
French Regional Park Reserve
I have begun to scan through The Complete Guide To Environmental Careers in the 21st Century by The Environmental Careers Organization (Island Press 1999). Here are a few takeaways I want to simplify to better grasp them:
GIS skills will be handy in several fields.
I will need to brush up on public interfacing.
Life as a grant writer or as an environmental lawyer sounds like having to constantly justify nature’s rights.
Wetland management inherently entails protecting essential ecosystems from development and educating those in the public who are misinformed.
Wildlife biologists, nature preserve coordinators, and members of the Conservation Corps are presenting these programs as underfunded yet great for having educational opportunities. I remember discussing this with a specialist at the Sherburne National Wildlife Refuge during a Harvest Festival. I wonder what chances I have with the Bureau of Land Management or the many landscape arboretums across the country? My main job searching search terms include:
Wilderness
Forestry
Nature Preserve
Wildlife
Restoration
Conservation Management
On the next page of this journal, there is an unexpected quote and some art. Looks like this is the first of many throughout the book:
“The richness I achieve comes from Nature, the source of my inspiration.” -Claude Monet
A week passes by.
The early morning birds are singing beautifully in an orange Sunrise. My intention in picking up the pen today is to start making decisions. Winter vacation is here now and I am ready for the flexibility. This break is an opportunity to reset my focus toward the new year.
I have an idea.
I am spinning This Old Dog by bib-overalls wearing Mac DeMarco. His lyrics are vulnerable and a love letter to his family. His song On The Level is resonating at the moment:
Boy, this could be your year
Make an old man proud of you
Forget about the tears
Sounds like a solid New Year’s resolution to me.
My mother, with her dachshunds on a comfy chair, is calling to invite me on a hike tomorrow through Banning State Park, now that she knows I have started Winter Break.
“Keep close to Nature’s heart…and break clear away, once in a while, and climb a mountain or spend a week in the woods. Wash your spirit clean” -John Muir
Banning was peaceful. Yesterday was, as expected, a nice day to catch up while peering over the icy edge of a 20-foot waterfall, frozen in time. A Minnesotan Winter is basically a temporary dormancy; a circadian rhythm if you will. Hmm I like this. Springtime would be a Sunrise or waking up. Summer is in the afternoon. Autumn is a satisfying yawn while climbing into a warm bed before cuddling through the cold night.
Banning provided good thoughts and conversations about the cover letters I’ve written. Resume building really can earn confidence and lift the spirit. Right here, right now, this is what matters to me in Life and this is what I am capable of doing. There is a strive for a better life! Right now, it involves this pen and this journal to figure out where I am to go next in this life.
The vacation lifestyle has set in, yet I hope to show that I am by no means wasting it. Out of all the positions I am prepared to apply to, the CCC seems to be the leading option as a beneficial and rewarding experience. I’ll proceed to meditate on this thought and rewrite my resume to suit their wanted skill sets.
I have done so.
Even if I don’t get accepted for any of the positions I’ve inquired about, I am proud to have written out an honest version of myself that I can offer the world.
Ladies and gentlemen, I have announced my resignation from Sodexo. I did it! I was accepted for a ten-month internship with the Conservation Corps of Minnesota and Iowa. In my interview, I talked about the importance of my involvement with community building in college. I look forward to having daily life within forests and prairies. This position may provide a new base layer for an environmental career. In the end, my goal is to work nomadically in a tiny house. For this next year, my goal is to set the groundwork for an environmental career.
Having somewhat of a lifelong plan was imperative for leaving my current job because becoming successfully hired in a natural resource position is the zenith of a five-year plan I constructed early in my college career five years ago. I’ve done it.
“Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better” -Albert Einstein
My coworkers in the kitchen are happy for me. I am beaming to dozens of people. U_____ at the pasta bar even inquired to see if he could be hired too as he never did utilize his ecology degree. I have loved my time at Sodexo and I want to let them know this. So, I think it is a good time to write them a resignation letter.
Dear B__, M______, and the cafeteria crew,
Please excuse my Irish goodbye. A lot just landed on my plate in the transition in becoming the man I can be. I found it appropriate to take extra time off in advance to take care of my personal life. I hope to start my role in the Conservation Corps on the right foot.
B__, the employees you have assembled here are amazing. They have become my friends and I hope to keep in touch. I’ll make sure to share pictures of my internship. I am expecting good experiences with environmental peers and constructive networking opportunities with successful ecologists and foresters. I have been talking to Corps alumni and it sounds like it changed their lives for the better. I can meet fellow vegans and tree climbers too!
The staff here has treated me in such a good way by demonstrating self-worth. We are assets to this institution. Even though there is a lot of complaining during lunchtime, the family here loves each other in their own way. Did you know that D____ has 16 grandchildren?! That’s amazing! The truck crew with all the students I was fortunate enough to have intelligent conversations with. P__ with her horses and chickens. Ask her about her and her husband’s new winter-ready tiny house, it sounds really cool.
With the leaders here as well, we are able to function as a working system. J___ is on top of his game with the skills of a successful chef. M______ has the ability to effectively appropriate the massive influx of food. Even the catering staff leave me with good vibes. Above all, I loved the fried potatoes. Just kidding. Above all, I loved that we helped so many people these past six months. The experience here was necessary in my growth as a human being on this Earth and I can thankfully use this experience as leverage to be able to manage information on a different level than what was gained in higher education. From the bottom of my heart, I wish all of you the best and to keep growing in this community. This is my official resignation and so long farewell to all from Sodexo.
So let me recap:
I graduated
I had income while searching for a job in my field
I sit here immersed and benefiting from a hobby
I will remember this moment of accomplishment.
“One must ask children and birds how cherries and strawberries taste” — Johann Wolfgang von goethe
They received the resignation well. I got plenty of hugs. All this being said, I have also decided that this is my last day in this basement sublease with the respectable disabled couple I’ve been renting from in Brooklyn Park, MN. We all have made a good impression on each other and this experience is letting me know I have the potential to make friends with my future mates at the Conservation Corps. I am actively learning how to be myself around others, a trait that takes practice.
With the Corps, I want to research what helps the biodiversity of Minnesota and what health this requires. I enjoy writing about why we need to protect historic wildlife. I want to learn how I should go about starting a career in revitalizing park systems for educational purposes and the protection of wildlife. I want to be with people who research biodiversity out of the simple interest of ecosystem health. There must be people who help the land and Life therein.
If you would like to see this project turn into a tangible published book, consider donating here!
Copyright 2024 Casimir Curney. All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the author, except as permitted by U.S. copyright law.