Summary

"I Will Not Break" is a poignant poem about resilience and healing in the face of family trauma, emphasizing the transformative power of love.

Abstract

The poem "I Will Not Break" recounts the author's journey through childhood trauma, the emotional toll it takes, and the path to recovery marked by significant life events, including motherhood and the support of a loving partner. The narrative unfolds in three stages: initial denial, confronting the past, and eventual healing, illustrating how love from family, especially the author's son and partner, plays a crucial role in overcoming the pain inflicted by an abusive figure. The poem underscores the importance of acknowledging and accepting the past to move forward, while also highlighting that some wounds, though they may never fully heal, can be transformed through love and support into something bearable, even beautiful.

Opinions

The author conveys a strong sense of resilience, refusing to be defined or destroyed by past traumas.
There is an acknowledgment of the complexity of family relationships, particularly in the context of abuse and its long-term effects.
The poem suggests that denial is a common initial response to trauma, which can be overcome through self-reflection and support.
Motherhood and the birth of the author's child represent a turning point, inspiring a commitment to break the cycle of abuse and protect the next generation.
The author expresses gratitude for the love and support received from their partner and child, crediting them with their healing and survival.
The poem communicates a message of hope, indicating that healing is possible and that love can mend even the deepest of wounds.
There is a recognition that while some scars remain, acceptance and the ability to move forward are key to personal growth and healing.
The author emphasizes the importance of not allowing the abuser to maintain power over their life, affirming that they have not been defeated.
The poem serves as a dedication and tribute to the author's son and partner, acknowledging their pivotal role in the author's healing process.

I Will Not Break

A poem

I am ten when it begins,

the rumbling in the sky

Jets of light cut through clouds

But still I don’t open my eyes,

to the truth – about him.

I do not cry

I will not break.

I am fourteen when the floodgates open

The light is brighter than ever

This is who he is

People’s hands start gesturing—

to the same man I knew when I was ten

Dark memories begin to surface,

like hands stretching through the waves —

But I push it down, push it down

I deny the memories of him

If I can’t see him he can’t see me

I do not cry

I will not break.

I am twenty-one when I have my first baby

I look down at my newborn boy

No more, I promise him

No more demons will come,

and haunt me —

I must let go for the sake of my child, my boy

My beautiful baby boy

I have made it to a better life

I am a mother, soon to be a wife

I close my eyes as machines beep and whir

I cry

But still,

I do not break.

A storm is coming

as my baby wriggles in his cot

I have lost everything —

my heart has been torn in my chest

I can’t find the loose pieces,

and sew together the remaining strands

I was not alone in my journey

to run from man who hurt me

My mother, poor mother

is still running

My mother is gone,

and all that’s left is a shadow

at a time where I need my mother most.

Alone I stand in the wreckage

An empty space where my family used to be

A perfect quintet with hidden secrets

Secrets that left a child-shaped hole

inside of me

Yes my child,

my child —

My perfect child, my boy

He will fit; he will heal me

Thank God I have him to fit

Because now I will cry

Now I will break.

It’s been three years

Since the split

Tore in the storm, weathered and worn

Unable to stand the ferocious winds and torrential rain,

started by that evil man

Still splitting, still fighting —

But wait…

I am OK

I do not cry

I will not break.

I love my mother and father

I honour my mother and father

And even though till death do us part is a myth

There is still so much love

For me, I am so lucky

I am not alone

and he hasn’t won —

he no longer makes me cry and he will no longer break me

I am healed by the love,

that I was once blind to

I am healed by the love from the love of my life

And I am healed by a new generation

And I promise them that I will do better

We all have to do better.

It’s OK to cry

It’s OK to break

Because the love is always there

To fix me back up again

Sew the pieces back together

I am a botch job

But the love smooths the creases

Thank you, love

For it is you who healed me and saved my soul

I am still here, alive

Feeling you, thank God

Thank you, love

Thank you.

I do not cry

I will not break

Thank you for taking the time to read my poem. “I Will Not Break” is about my experience of surviving and struggling after family trauma, and how the love of your family no matter what is happening can always save you and help to heal you. Some things are impossible to get over, but they’re not impossible to accept and move on from. I dedicate this poem to my son and my partner, who have saved me. I am very lucky to have them both in my life.

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