Summary

The author describes a transformative journey of self-discovery and personal growth by disconnecting from their social media-centric life and confronting internal struggles to reinvent themselves.

Abstract

The article narrates the author's experience of disappearing for 8 months to redefine their life. Initially leading a public life as an influencer, the author felt the need for a significant change. By vanishing from the digital world and limiting contact, they embarked on an introspective journey that led to the identification and combating of negative belief systems. This process involved unlearning and reframing their mindset, which was facilitated by the works of renowned psychologists and self-help resources. The author emerged with a newfound confidence, setting and achieving unconventional goals, and ultimately quitting their corporate job to pursue a more fulfilling life. The article encourages readers to take a similar leap of faith to discover their true potential and take control of their lives.

Opinions

The author believes that social media validation is not a true measure of self-worth and that disconnecting can lead to profound self-realization.
They suggest that negative internal dialogues, or "inner devils," can significantly shape one's life if left unchecked.
The author advocates for the power of unlearning negative beliefs and re-educating oneself through books and podcasts.
They express that setting ambitious goals and questioning societal norms is crucial for personal growth.
The article promotes the idea that individuals have more control over their lives than they realize and encourages taking action to change one's circumstances.
The author emphasizes the importance of solitude and self-reflection in the process of personal transformation.
They imply that the fear of becoming irrelevant or losing social media presence is unfounded and that true relevance comes from internal growth and change.

I Went Underground to Get a Second Chance at Life

A story of how I disappeared for 8 months to reinvent myself, my truth, and my life.

Photo by Genine Alyssa Pedreno-Andrada from Pexels

Do you deep down desire a reboot button for life? What if you could vanish somewhere and restart all over again, or reprogram yourself into somebody entirely different? But the thought of vanishing for a few days, weeks, or months, is scary, isn’t it?

I vanished for nearly 3 months with no contact with anybody, and 5 months with contact limited to close family and friends.

If I would’ve known how it’d change my life completely, I would’ve done it sooner. You see, what started as a fun experiment turned out to be an introspective journey. I realised way too many things and discovered what's sabotaging a ‘successful life’. Ironically, I was sabotaging it unknowingly.

I met my inner devils and took help from great and renowned men and women to combat them. All this while, the devils always existed but were unrecognised. They silently played games and shaped my life, and I thought it's all me.

I thought I’m the reason for not doing well enough at work and failing at relationships. I thought I’m the reason my body felt so undesirable in my eyes. I thought my childhood is the reason I’m low on confidence and self-worth.

But it wasn’t me, it was them — the devils.

There is only one good part about their existence, which is that they can leave.

My usual day was waking up and telling my 11,000 Instagram followers about my workout for the day and my post-workout breakfast. This was followed by some inspirational pictures or experiences for motivating more people to lead healthier lives.

I helped all those who sought my expertise around healthy living. Once in a while, I punched in a story from my travels. I wanted to inspire people whatever way I could — whether it was from my weight loss journey of dropping 55lbs and leading a healthy life or perspectives I’d gained from travelling countries more than my age.

All this changed when life began in the underground.

I’d wake up to nothing. Absolutely nothing. No mushy good morning texts from a special somebody or hundred social media notifications to validate my existence.

And my entire day went on without the dopamine I was used to. I resented it. I was afraid of the algorithm working against me if I took a break. I was afraid of losing my presence if I didn’t post enough. I was afraid of being irrelevant and unpopular.

But it was time to let it go. Something I did with no expectations, and something I never imagined would have the power to shape me completely.

I let go of my smartphone for the next three months and used a simple phone to get me by calls. I suddenly had so much free time! But that was scary because now my senses weren’t engaged in anything else and clearly heard everything my mind told me.

And that’s when I met the devils.

The only engaging activity I had was working at my corporate job from home. But before and after that, it was the devils and I that spent time together.

These devils have grown inside me all along. And I only understood them deeper now. My meditation finally came to use less subtly because I suddenly heard all the chatter.

My devils settled for life too early, at just 24. They’d already made me believe this is all that it is and I’ll have to stick by it no matter what. They made me believe I’ll never be as good as those around me and there's nothing known as dreaming.

They drilled into me that life is as I see it, but in reality, there was so much more to life I uncovered later.

Here are the 3 major changes that took place:

Recognised the evil: ‘Negative belief systems’ are negative notions we attach to ourselves. Like I was told in my first job nearly every week how I don’t meet expectations as an employee. I’ve had experiences in my teens where I wasn’t treated too well with respect too — in and out of relationships. In my heart, there was nobody more unworthy than me.
Reframed my mindset: Apparently, life gives you a second chance. Once I knew my entire life has been an exhibition of my inner thoughts, I now had to analyse and re-think my thoughts. This was the most difficult bit because it took years of instructing to make me feel what I think of myself and I suddenly wanted to do away with it at the earliest. I unlearned and relearned via books and podcasts.
Courage to choose: I always thought goals are something celebrities and athletes preach about because they can afford to try and fail. But I was proven wrong, or maybe I was brainwashed by these self-help books to believe I’m invincible. When I changed the way I think about myself, I questioned everything around me. I suddenly wanted to take charge of my life, and my family thought I’m crazy.

The above process took eight months.

“Effort is what ignites that ability and turns it into accomplishment.”― Carol S. Dweck

This new unwavering confidence made me question things with the belief I can change them. I created weird and unbelievable goals, like having a side hustle, then making more money than my corporate job, and ultimately quitting my job — all of which turned into reality in due course of time.

My entire life changed by going underground and being on my own. To date, my influencer account stays dead and I’m constantly trying to hack life by learning and applying how can I optimise it more.

I feel like I hang out day and night with a person I don’t know. I hadn’t even dreamt of doing the things I did or the spirit I possess now. But going away and going within was my second chance at life. It was my reentry into making something out of it.

I encourage you if you feel stuck to plug off from everything, and I promise you the world won’t stop.

When you come back, everything will still be up and running. The underground may be a dark place, but it’ll open the world of opportunities if you play your cards right. Read, learn and implement. Recognise your life honestly and perhaps find a way to take charge of it.

Take a second take at life, re-enter as your most beautiful and strong self.

It’s just one time we come here, and we have more control over our lives than we think we do. Would you not take it if you got a chance to change completely and do a grand reentry to a completely new life? What's stopping you?

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