I Went to Seminary But I Didn’t Want to Be a Minister

I wasn’t the only one, but I was one of the few in my program for whom that was true.

I entered seminary to pursue a Master of Divinity degree — the one people get to become ministers.

I loved studying theology. I love exploring how and why human beings create meaning in their lives. I could’ve studied psychology instead, but I’d been active in my local church for a few years, and seminary felt like the natural next step.

Halfway through my program, I took a year off because I knew I wasn’t doing the right thing for me. I decided to go back and finish my degree in a different program — the Master of Arts in Religion. (Which is really a Master of Arts in One Very Specific Religious Experience — Protestant Christianity.)

I’m glad I finished my seminary experience with a master's degree. But I don’t know that I would do it again if I had the chance to go back.

When I’d entered seminary, I’d wanted to go on to pursue a Ph.D. in Theology and teach religion at the college level. But I had no fewer than three professors tell me, independently of each other, that that was a bad idea. They said they didn’t doubt my academic abilities. They doubted the job market.

One professor told me a story of someone she knew who spent several years getting their Ph.D., then several more years looking for a teaching position. Combine that with pithy expressions about the pressures of academic life such as, “publish or perish”, and I was at a loss as to what to do.

I was heartbroken and discouraged by their stories. But after a year of discernment, I took it as a sign from the Universe that I wasn’t meant to be a Ph.D. in Theology. It just wasn’t my path.

It was a hard road — going from having the dream of becoming a college professor to . . . something else. It was especially difficult because I didn’t yet know what that “something else” was.

Don’t Worry, There’s a Silver Lining

It wasn’t until years later (now) that I’m finally discovering what I’m put on this earth to do.

Even though I don’t know if I would choose a seminary (or any master’s) degree program if I had it to do over again, I don’t regret going to seminary.

I’m not qualified to be a tenured professor or a minister (at least not in the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.)). That could be seen as a very unfortunate result after ten years of higher education.

But I don’t see it that way.

What I’ve learned is: you literally can’t step off your path.

You can’t ever really “get it wrong.” In my case, I loved studying theology. I enjoyed my coursework. And most of all, I grew as a person during seminary. I wrestled with big questions about who we are as a species, who “God” is, and what that all means for us as a whole and for myself as an individual.

That’s a pretty amazing set of questions to tackle, and I’m glad I did. Of course, I’m still exploring these questions today. Theology is a lifelong process, not just a degree program.

My Path and I Are One

My personal theology tells me that I can’t step off my path because, as Alice says in the Alice in Wonderland film (2010):

“I make the path.”

Sometimes I feel like I’m lost in a very existential sense. Like I’ve lost track of who I am, where I’m going, and what I’m “supposed” to be doing. I’ve been through a dark night of the soul (or two).

But I always come out on the other side. I always come back to myself, older, wiser, more experienced, and compassionate.

Vocationally, I’ve held a few jobs since seminary. I’ve pursued freelance writing. And now I’m blogging and exploring other ways to share my writing with the world. (Stay tuned!)

I may not be a theology professor, but I am a Teacher and Writer. And that’s really what I always wanted to be.

So if you feel lost, do as Winston Churchill advised:

“If you’re going through hell, keep going.”