I Went Solo Travelling for 4 Days and It Was Harder than I Thought
It is not a magical journey of self-discovery but once you endure the challenging parts, you feel the benefits
It only took me an hour into my journey up to Edinburgh from London before I started to panic. After successfully navigating the tube to get to Kings Cross station (where I would get the next and final train of my journey) I was hurrying around and panicking because my train wasn’t on any of the boards.
This was an immediate red flag. And one that caused me to panic. There were a lot of moments when I was on the verge of tears and could feel the anxiety surging through me at the prospect of having to ask a member of staff or stranger for help.
But I figured it out on my own. Eventually.
I had this strange feeling that I was in the wrong place because I had been to Kings Cross a handful of times before. But I didn’t know how I could be in the wrong place until I pulled up Google Maps and realised I was in St Pancreas station (across the road and in a separate building.)
It wasn’t long before the panic surged through me and I wished I had someone with me to lead the charge. But after taking a few steady breaths, I soon found where I needed to be. I did make it to Edinburgh in one piece — but that was just one of many battles I faced on my first solo trip.
Rather than tell you my solo experience was a journey of self-discovery and bliss, I thought I would give you an honest viewpoint. But of course, my story couldn’t be told without a literary element, which you’ll find out if you read on.
At times, solo travelling felt freeing and wonderful, but at others, dark and scary. That’s the part people don’t tell you about.
“I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.” — Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre
From the moment I exited Edinburgh station and took the walk along Princess Street where I was staying, I felt an immense amount of freedom. There’s nothing quite like the feeling of being in an unfamiliar place where nobody knows who you are, and not having anyone to compromise with.
The freshness of the air was adding to this feeling as I made my first few steps across the city and couldn’t quite believe I’d made it all the way there in one piece. I had many of these fleeting feelings throughout my trip.
That first night, just before sunset, I walked up Carlton Hill to see the sunset over the city. It was windy, crowded and full of murmuring voices marvelling at the view. There was so much life at the top, but I felt so powerful in my own company. Like I could do anything.
On my second day, in the bright blue sunshine, I made my way up Arthur’s Seat and marvelled at the incredible view from the top. It was the first time I’d ever hiked on my own, and before starting, I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to make it. I’ve always been with people when doing these kind of activities, and I was without this security blanket.
But I didn’t let it deter me, instead, I embraced the responsibility and probably had the best day of my trip. As I began the descent, I felt invisible, and like I should never have to worry about doing anything on my own again.
“If you’re lonely when you’re alone, you’re in bad company.” ― Jean-Paul Sartre
We live in a world which despises that some people gain more from being alone than with others. These sociocultural ideals are heavily intertwined with capitalism. The world would crumble if it wasn’t for the extroverts who keep the bars, pubs and nightclubs in business. But the truth is, I’ve always enjoyed my own company. It’s part of the reason I wanted to try solo travelling in the first place.
I filled my days with a lot of walking, exploring, writing, drinking coffee in gorgeous cafes and visiting museums. But I also spent a lot of time alone with no other distractions. The evenings were the largest stretch of time in this situation, but I never got bored of myself.
Instead, I did all the things I wanted to in order to relax. I laid on the comfy bed in my favourite pyjamas, watched shitty TV, ate an inordinate amount of snacks, wrote, and marvelled at the Castle view I had out of my window. The hours went by so quickly, that I barely noticed I was by myself. This was all before I went to sleep, of course.
Despite all this, it wasn’t all rainbows and blue skies. How could it be?
“O sleep, O gentle sleep, Nature’s soft nurse, how have I frightened thee.” ― William Shakespeare, Henry IV, Part 2
Thank god Edinburgh was so beautiful. If it wasn’t, I don’t think I’d have been able to bear it. The first night, I had one of the worst nights of my life. I’m pretty sure I only got a few hours sleep, and then my body cursed me by waking me up at 7 am sharp rather than letting me sleep in.
This pattern continued every night until the last night when, of course, I slept right through without a problem.
It was a mixture of anxiety about being on my own at night (I was reading a pretty scary crime novel at the time, okay) being in a new place, and my room being right on the tram line that never stopped all night. I’m not complaining, as I had the most wonderful view, but it was a constant noise that even my earplugs couldn’t shut out.
Some days I felt more tired than others. But every day felt like I was walking around on empty. As you can imagine, I was exhausted by the end of it and I had a fourteen-hour coach journey home thanks to all the trains being cancelled.
I always sleep better when I know there’s somebody in the house or next to me. It gives me a sense of comfort and security, so for me, this was one of the hardest parts about being alone. I knew that I was relatively safe where I was, but still, there was nothing that made me feel at ease about being on my own in a hotel in a strange place.
The lack of sleep throughout the days also contributed to other negative parts of solo travelling, which never made it unpleasant, but was something I could have done without.
“Anxiety’s like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you very far.” ― Jodi Picoult, Sing You Home
Anyone who knows me well knows I’m a worrier. It keeps me up at night. Prevents me from doing things I know are good for me (like going to the gym) and even ducking out of social situations I’ll later go on to enjoy.
My anxiety is one of catastrophising the worst of every situation. It builds up so much in my head that my only way of dealing with it (so far) is to let it win. It can be the most frustrating thing.
Weirdly, on this trip, doing big things like going to a museum by myself or having dinner in a restaurant alone didn’t cause me too much anxiety. But it was initiating things. Like going into an unfamiliar cafe on my own, or speaking to someone in a shop. These things sent my heart racing.
There were times I walked up to a coffee shop and turned all the way around because I was imagining the feeling of walking through the doors and having everyone look at me. It’s utterly stupid as I know even if that did happen it would only last a few fleeting minutes. But it was enough to put me off at multiple points.
When you’re with someone else, you don’t feel as exposed. You have their company for protection. You can laugh through any awkward situations together.
But when you’re alone, it can feel intimidating to go into some place new where you don’t know the environment or the protocol for ordering. The truth is, you just have to do it anyway. It’s the only way forward. And I did manage it more than once.
I got better at doing this type of thing as the trip went on, but my anxiety was draining me and fuelled by a constant lack of sleep.
Despite experiencing many ups and downs, I still believe everyone should travel alone at least once if given the opportunity. For those of us who struggle with anxiety, it can be a great time to challenge that and realise nothing is ever as bad as we make out in our heads. For introverts, it can be a time to recharge and not worry about what the rest of the world is thinking of us.
For extroverts, it could be an opportunity to start enjoying your own company, and realise the importance of down time and not relying on others to improve your mood.
Solo travelling isn’t some magical journey of self-discovery. It’s tough, but once you endure the challenging parts, you start to feel the benefits.
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